Life's Purpose

Life's purpose.  As far back as high school, I can remember being concerned about where my life would lead - what would my job or career be? Would I get married? have kids?   This is the beginning of our self discovery for our purpose in life.   As I look back, I realize that while we may do some preliminary discovery, our purpose may change with each decision we make.   Some people are lucky and just seem to know what their purpose in life will be.  My sister, for example, knew from an early age that she wanted to be a teacher.  Me?  I knew I didn't have it in me to do that!  Where she was outgoing and liked people, I preferred no people.  

But we graduate high school; some move on to university, and some to junior college, and some straight into the work force.  Some made their choices based on a relationship that was currently ongoing.  I tried the junior college route, preferring to go to night school while working a full time job.  And yes, a part of that choice was made because of a relationship at the time.  (Isn't it funny that we look back and wonder "WTF was I thinking???" )

Marriage.  Children.  Your purpose changes again.  You're working as opposed to having a real career.  Your purpose revolves around raising children.  You're left with decisions about how you want your children to be raised, with what values.  Once children are grown, your purpose may change yet again. Perhaps you're caring for aging parents, or about to enter that phase.  

We're always having to rethink our purpose, why we do what we do.  

I'm at another stage of that process.  I spent many years working and preparing a path to make my son's life just a little bit easier.  It was my goal to buy a house, and have it paid off, so his life wouldn't be such a struggle when it was my time to leave this earth.  But his suicide changed all that, and now? What's my purpose?  

I go to my job, because it's expected.  And I'm taking care of my Mom now, because it's expected.  But what is my reason for doing what I'm doing now?  I find these thoughts troubling at times.  Expectations we had when we were younger and still learning sometimes fall short of the reality once we get there.  I remember being young, elementary school, and they talked often about the "Golden Years".  That was back when Dad's worked at a job where there was a pension, and you retired at the golden age of 65 and then spent your days being a little more care free, less stressed.  But the world has changed so much since then.  Instead of a pension, you find yourself putting your own funds into a 401k or something similar to save money for your retirement.  Only retirement gets pushed further and further away.  Instead of 65, it's 66, 67 or 68.  And even then, if you haven't done some due diligence in saving for your future, you end up working all of your days.. I work with several people who are in their 70s and having to work because they can't afford to life on just their social security. 

So why am I rambling about all this??  Some days I feel like I'm ready to retire, to take my money and run.  But then I take a day or two off and wonder what the hell would I do with myself all day if I didn't go to work every day?  Because working every day is a way of life for me. It's what I do, have always done.  

Think hard about your life's purpose.  Make a plan.  You can always change it, but having a direction makes the road a lot easier.  

Goals and Happiness

 Memorial Day is set aside for us to remember those who served, who fought for our freedoms, who fought to keep us safe, and for those who still fight for those same things. 

But there are also other things to remember as well.  For me, as I get older, I tend to spend time reminiscing about the things that brought me happiness through the years.  My granddaughter's graduation reminded me of my own, of all the hopes and dreams a young person of 18 has for their adult life.  

As you look back, do you feel you accomplished all you dreamed of??  I know that my own aspirations were loftier than what has been the reality.  But that hasn't made me any less happy.  Life will always be full of challenges and changes.  It's how we react to those things that makes us who we are, and ultimately brings us the happiness we seek.  

I've met people who have happiness as an end goal:  as soon as I get this job, I'll be happy.  As soon as I get married or have a family, I'll be happy.  As soon as I'm out of debt, I'll be happy.  The 'trick' to finding that happiness doesn't come when we reach a goal.  It's the little things in our daily lives.  They happen every day, and you must pay attention to those little things to experience that happiness.  

Yesterday on the way to work, I saw an old GMC pickup from the 30's or 40's; the paint was a bit rusty, it wasn't all decked out to look new. It showed it's age and it brought a huge smile to my face.  (I enjoy looking at old cars!)  Two days ago, on my drive home from work, I saw a man riding a horse down the street (on the sidewalk) and that made me smile as well.  If I had been concentrating on my job goals, or my life goals, I might have missed those little moments of joy.  Don't let the big things get in the way of little moments of happiness!

                                                 

Walking the Beast

Weight loss is never easy, and it gets tougher as you age!  I've been trying a new program with a wellness coach that is provided by my BigBox Store.  It has a place to journal, to make an action plan, and a way to track your activity minutes .... you get the picture.  When you log data, you get feedback via text and Julie has been very encouraging.  However, after a year of this, I'm no further along than when I started.   Which is very depressing.

I've learned a few things about myself, especially during the last three weeks.  The scale is a lousy measure of success.  There are so many fluctuations and every low makes me feel like I'm a failure.  Which in turn leads to feeling bad about myself -- and what do I do when I feel bad?  I eat!  So I'm sabotaging my efforts. 

Today, as I was walking the Beast, I realized that I need to have something that I can actually measure, something that will make me feel like I've accomplished something.  When I started three weeks ago, I reached a mile at 22 minutes. Today, my mile was 18:45.  Now THAT is a measure of success!!!  So I'm going to track my mileage and try to make good changes:  distance, time and incline will be the three measurements for success. 

Sometimes, changing a person's focus could be the better choice!

Update 6/10/20:   On Monday, my mile was 17:50 -- so a good success, and the heck with the scale! It made me feel good, and that's what counts.

Stay safe out there!

The Pug Lady

When you live in a city that welcomes "snow birds", don't try to take yourself out for a meal at 12:30pm on a Sunday after church!  Even at a fast food place, I waited 20 minutes for a meal.  There was a long line at Chipotle, so I didn't hang around (I had groceries in the trunk!)  I opted for a quick Crunchwrap Supreme from Taco Bell.  Not the best meal for me, but .... it was pretty good.  After the long wait!  Sometimes, when we get a sunny day after the week of storms we had, it was easy to forget that there would be others out and about as well.   Not that I had anywhere else I needed to be .... lol

It's been a week of changes for me in my eating habits.  I have been encouraged by reaching my goal of a nutrient score over 80 when I log my foods.  This week, I made 85 three times so far!  I removed carbs from my breakfast and just eat my eggs.  I added an apple and some raw baby carrots to my lunch each day, as well as making sure I drink at least 48 ounces of water during my work day.  That won't be hard to hit now that we're back on track with our normal spring weather -- warm and sunny!

I've also quit focusing on a goal of 12k steps per day, and am actively watching how my FitBit tracks active minutes.  You have to be engaged in your activity for more than 10 minutes for it to count anything toward that number.  Mondays are always more active than any other day, but with changing that focus, Sadie and I head out each evening at 6pm for a long walk.  It's a quick 10 minutes over to the park where I let Sadie run in the grass.  Then it's back into her stroller and off we go for 1.4 miles, circling our neighborhood.  I'm sure if any of the neighbors are like me, they have a nickname for folks if they don't know a real name. 
I'm betting dollars to donuts that I'm "The Pug Lady".  lol 
Many folks wave to me each evening, and that's really nice :)

I'm hoping after all the hard work and better eating, I show improvement on the scale!  While I know it's not good to be measuring success by the scale, it's hard to break a habit so ingrained into us.

I Gym'd Out

Why do we put it off, instead of just "doing it"? 

For me, I've been waiting for the heat to leave the Valley - if not totally gone, at least getting below 100 again!  But that isn't going to happen.  At least not any time soon.  And I totally need to be at the gym and getting more exercise into my days.  And less foods that aren't good for me, as well! 

Today, I decided that in spite of the high temps, I was going to the gym.  No.  Matter.  What.  Sure, it was hot, but I survived!  I walked on a treadmill, with an incline level of "2" (each machine can vary differently!) My goal was 30 minutes, see how far I could go and ended with 1.52 miles in 30 minutes.  I increased my water intake by 34 oz, and decreased my Diet Coke addiction down to 2 cans:  one in the morning, and one with supper.  Yes, I know, it's bad for me.  But if I go cold turkey, the caffeine withdrawal could be painful.  And very poor for my work situation! haha


Not my best I've ever done, but pretty good for this ol' Gal!

I keep telling myself it's a process, it won't happen over night, but darn it! Why does it take so long to see results?  If I was trying to gain weight, I could easily put on 5-10 lbs on a 3-day weekend!  But this is my life, it is what it is.  I think it's easier to work at something when you admit that this isn't a diet, it isn't temporary, and it isn't a quick solution to losing a few pounds.  Instead, it's more about being healthy, rather than thin -- or in my case, just a chubby goal I haven't been able to reach. 

Another reason for the walking and water increase is because it's nearly time for a doctor's visit to check the blood levels and blood pressure.  Last time it was slightly elevated and of course given my age, the doc is all about medications to control whatever issues are on the horizon.  Me, I dislike taking any meds, and I'm terrible at it.  So whatever I can do to put that off into the future, that's what I need to keep as my goal.

After the gym, an awesome county song came on the radio, Kenny Chesney and David Lee Murphy:  Everything's Gonna Be Alright  

Come on an' sing it with me: Everything's gonna be alright

That.  Is going to be my theme for the rest of the week.
If you're down, don't worry, everything's gonna be alright!

1..2.. Lights Out!

As always, a busy day at work.  But I've been "sticking to it" and hitting the gym during my lunch hour.  Today, I got there, changed clothes and jumped on the treadmill.  I got my stride going, and was just getting into a real rhythm, completing my first quarter mile when .... ZZZZZZzzz ..... we lost all power.  The dim emergency lights kick on, the folks using weight machines and the ellipticals were OK - they don't require power to run.  And I thought "hmm, I could stick this out, hop on some other machine ...."  BUT without power, there's no AC.  Now, I'm not a wimp - ok, not MUCH of a wimp - but it's 105 outside, and there is no AC and no fans.  And I have to go back to work after this. 

I grabbed my cell phone and found my way into the ladies' changing room (where there are no emergency lights) and by the dim light of my cell phone, I'm trying to dial up the combination on my lock.  I usually leave my glasses in the car when I'm working out, so add in a whole lot of squinting in the dim light and I'm praying "please open please open please open" and click, it did!  Hooray!

Get out of the gym clothes and back into street clothes, hoping I don't leave anything behind, or wear anything inside out!  And the thought occurs to me:  Power may be out in MY store as well, since we're kaddy korner to the local PF.  So I zipped around a major block because street lights are out and not all Arizonans stop for street lights not working!  I didn't want to try and cross 6 lanes of traffic, so I took the scenic route back to my store.  And nope, power wasn't out!   Thank goodness!




Needless to say, I'm feeling a little bit cheated on my workout, but that's ok because with all the heat and being really busy in the store, I've still managed over 14k steps again today!  

I know that whatever I need to do to reach some new goals won't happen overnight, so I'm trying to be patient, and consistent.  And I'm trying new things.  Today's new:  vegetable lasagna

It was pretty good!  I'd buy it again.

Small Achievements

Weigh In Weds.  The thought brings a shudder to me, because I'm never certain if I've done enough work to reach a goal.   Truthfully, we could all make a bugger effort when it comes to achieving our goals.  But some progress is better than no progress!  And this week was a good week for me.

I've lost 6.5 lbs in 3 weeks.  That's pretty much on track for my goal of 2 lbs a week.  But I can honestly say that it feels like slow progress.   My trainer didn't work me quite as hard as last week (thank goodness!)  but he doesn't let me slack either.  It was "arms" day, and I'm sure by tomorrow I will be feeling the effects.  In a good way  :)

I've increased my steps to over 12k a day; it helps to have cooler temps and I can walk Sadie around the block before bedtime!   I'm actually looking forward to my workouts and the progress I can make in the next week.  :)

Progress!

 Another day of progress:

over 12K steps, and my 2-mile time today was 28:52



They say the way to reach a goal is to make a plan,
get to work, stick to it, and you will get there.

It's true, it works!

I'm doing the *HaPpY dAnCe*

but only for the moment.....

tomorrow is weigh-in weds! 

Be Active

Here it is, Monday again.  and my self weigh-in was discouraging this morning.  I know that I didn't amp up the activities over the weekend, but at my age, toting laundry to and fro, digging up dead cacti in the garden and painting the trim on the back of the house was active!

What I find hardest in all of this "road to better health" (because calling it a *diet* sounds temporary!) is finding my balance between eating, work and exercising vs the things I enjoy doing, like photography, trivia games and genealogy research.

Being balanced is necessary, otherwise I will get bored with the "better health" part.  And letting loose with fav foods and no exercise would not be a good thing!   So I struggle from day to day finding ways to do the little things I enjoy, along with the other things I need to do.   I've found that breaking up my exercise routine, dashing next door to 24-Hour fitness on my lunch hour to get in a 30-minute cardio session breaks up my day.  I force myself to stop back in after work because I leave my gym back in the locker.  hahaha  But once I get there and changed, it's not so bad.  I can work on extra cardio, or split it up with some cardio and strength training.


I had higher hopes of the weight just melting off as I increased my activity, but I think I'm building some muscle, and that weighs more than fat.  *sigh*  I know its only a couple of pounds, but it's still making me a little crazy.





However, I broke another record today!

According to FitBit, I earned an

Urban Foot Badge = 15,000 steps+

Sweeeeeet!   Personal Best!






Thank goodness it's Monday = Antiques Roadshow .....
Is it bedtime yet?????  I'm ready!!!  lol )