Commitment Mid Year

We are halfway through 2025 and I'm revisiting my word for the year: commitment.  

And it appears that most of my time is going to be commitment to my mother.  

My feelings about it are sometimes complicated.  Resigned comes to mind. There is also resentment, anger, and frustration.  

And in order to have my own peace, I have to be resigned to the fact that no one else will care for her, its up to me.  It isn't fair, and that brings up anger. And resentment because other family members take vacations and have time away from the problems. Except me.

Then there's frustration because she is difficult to deal with. To me she seems very out of touch with what's going on in her body. Many doctor visits, and they all tell her it all starts in her lower back. But when she adds ice or heat, its to her leg, not her back, which is the source of her pain.  

Then you add in her odd expectations.  If the doc says ice her back, she seems to think one treatment is going to fix it!  

So while my commitment is to make sure Mom is taken care of, I'm also resigned to "this is my life now".  If I do this for 10 years .... then so be it.

Some days its difficult to stay committed.