The Perfect Shoe

I don't know if anyone else struggles with finding the perfect shoe.  For me, working on concrete floors 8+ hours a day, with an average step count of 8500 or more each day, finding the right supportive shoe for me is quite the task.  Being overweight adds to the problem, and after my fall in February, I've been struggling with a foot problem that appears to be lateral column overload, in other words, my right foot has a sore spot on the outer edge.  It's related to how I walk and whether there is the correct arch support in the shoe.  In the past six weeks I've spent nearly $500 on shoes and insoles trying to find the right fit.  The result has been an odd pile of shoes in the corner of my room.  

I've been trying to increase my time walking on the insoles recommended but haven't been able to last more than four hours on my feet with them in.  And add to the fact that when you put one of those insoles in a shoe, your foot doesn't feel right, the shoe doesn't ride high enough around my foot and ankle to feel good.  

After a stressing about yesterday for about three hours, and a little more research on the topic, I hopped in my car and drove over to Kohl's because they carry both Asics and New Balance brands (plus, they're close by!).  I tried on shoe after shoe and figured that after my foot being sore from walking around at work, it would be the perfect time to find something that feels better than what I've been wearing.  

I tried on different sizes, styles, brands - I even tried a man's shoe because the sizes are a little different! - and finally found a shoe that I slipped on and it.  felt.  great!!  An Asics Gel Venture.  And the real test came today when I put them on this morning, have done the usual household chores then 25 minutes on the treadmill.  While I'm not hoping for a miraculous recovery and no sore foot immediately, It feels great so far, and I'm thrilled, hoping that my foot is on the road to recovery.

There Is No Word

 When a spouse dies, the one left is called a widow or widower.  

When parents die, the kids are called orphans.  

But when a child dies, there is no word for the parents who are left behind.

I know that I wouldn't be the one wearing a sign that says "I am one".  But if the topic came up, it might be easier if I could just say that I'm a ... i dunno ... parent left behind.  There is no loss that matches the loss one feels when a child dies.  The love between a parent and child is one of a kind.  Which means the loss is also one of a kind.  

When I lived in San Jose, our neighbor across the street was the sweetest older gal.  She was in her 80s and loved to chit chat, always something interesting to say.  But when her son died from a heart attack in his late 50s, she told me "We're supposed to go first, a parent should never be there to watch their child die".   I have to agree with her.  It's an unbelievable pain that doesn't fit any other description.  

My mother is a good one to go to for discussions about loss.  Her husband died, her daughter died, her grandson died, both her mother and father died many years apart.  She's had many losses in her life, but I won't be asking her which of them was the hardest.  They are all hard to deal with, each in their own different way. 

But in my normal fashion, I happened to Google a search and found this:  “Widow” in Sanskrit means “empty,” and when we go to Sanskrit for a word for a parent losing a child, the word is “Vilomah”. Vilomah is a word that means “against a natural order”. It's unnatural to have a child to die before a parent. It's unnatural to have to bury your own child.

Like I always say to my mom when we discover something we didn't know before ... "Who knew??"  I know I won't be hearing it from anyone else, but there's a bit of comfort in knowing that someone has identified us in some way.  Vilomah.  Yup, that's me.