Simple Pleasures

July is the time of year when things are hot and sultry, when a good breeze is welcome, when thunderstorms can rise up and drench Earth.  And in between all those things are the simple pleasures to be found in July:   an ice cream cone, a cool glass of home made lemonade, reading a good book, having good barbecue for supper.  A time to slow down, and realize what's right here, right now.

An old Irish proverb tells us "Better one good thing that is, rather than two good things that were, or three good things that might never come to pass".   What is right here, right now in your moment is the place where your focus should be, especially in July.  Imagine jumping into a brilliant blue swimming pool, feeling the cool waters caress your skin, the sun warming your face as you burst through the water for a gulp of air.   Simple pleasures in the moment should be savored.

Not every moment contains simple pleasures.  We all have those moments when the phone rings and life forever changes.  I know it did for me the day I came home from work to find out my son had died.  I remember texting my daughter because I knew she was at work, asking her to come home.  She texted back, asking if it was all a joke.  Sadly it wasn't.  But even in the midst of all this, I realized that first of all, nothing I do would change the situation.  As badly as I felt, as much pain I was feeling, wouldn't go away any time soon.  But there wasn't anything I could do to change it, to reverse it.  I knew two things:  that I needed to be in the present moment to make tremendous decisions, and to be as strong as I could be for the rest of the family as well.  

I read somewhere that success in life is not how well we execute Plan A, but how smoothly we cope with Plan B.  For most of us, that's probably 90% of life.  And even in the midst of switching from Plan A to Plan B, make sure that your Plan B has some simple pleasures, some good things to look forward to.  Sometimes the day stretches before you and doesn't go as planned, but if you're willing to have a positive outlook switch over to Plan B.  And include some simple pleasures in every single day. 

 

Angelversary #2

Dear Brian,

It's been two years since you committed suicide.  I struggle with your choice, with whatever it was that decided your fate.  But the worst is the not knowing what I could have done, what I should have done, what I didn't see, what I didn't know.  

On today, the worst anniversary ever, I bounce back and forth between the horror of finding you and the joy of remembering you.  Your sense of humor, the little things you used to do, the way you put up with the crazy ideas I had off and on over the years.  I love to dig up old photos of you and remember the things we used to do, the places we've been.  Your tolerance for the weird things I envisioned in my head that you helped me to accomplish.  Like painting stripes on the concrete block fence in the back yard.  Or driving 3 hours to have a moonlight summer hike.  Or going off on a "treasure hunt" called Letter Boxing.  

And in spite of all the odd things, you were also always there when something needed to be done.  To finish the unfinished garage, to painting a room, to installing a new disposal or new faucets.  Digging up plants.  Planting new plants.  Installing a brick planter, or hauling all of the rock from the front yard to the back yard, one wheelbarrow at a time.   Or, going on an icy Sunday drive through Dayton after a crazy snowstorm, just so we can get photos.  lol   

I miss you.  Every single day.  There's nothing else left when you lose a child.  That's the hardest thing a parent does - mourn the loss of a child.  It's been a hard road.  I don't discuss this with very many people, and that's my decision.  It's not easy being a survivor of the loss of someone by suicide.  It's the unanswered questions, the lack of answers for people who are well meaning but tend to ask anyway.  

I know your last note to me wished me to be happy.  It's been difficult, but every day I try my best.

I love you.

Mom

PS:   It's Pizza and Pepsi for dinner!!  xoxoxo