Thoughts on Moving Mom

Sometimes I get to thinking about things ... and sometimes overthinking things.  But those moments are needed.  It's how we figure out the small stuff in relation to the bigger stuff.  There have been many times where I made choices and decisions -- some good, some not so good and some exactly right.   I try to trust my gut and intuition.  Those are always the decisions that turn out right.  So when you have that niggle in the back of your mind, or deep in your gut, pay attention.  

I found this quote on facebook, and it spoke to me.  Sometimes we get in our own way before we can see the way we should go.  

Compared to my mom, I do pretty well making major decisions.  Mom has been struggling with what to do next in her life.  Dad passed away 7 years ago, my sister 2 years ago.   She's in a big house, too big for her to care for alone at her age.  But she doesn't want to leave the house she's been in for more than 50 years.  She also doesn't want to be alone.  I flew up there a couple weeks ago because she was thinking she needs to move next year.  So it was my job to point out that moving is not impossible.  I ordered in a few packing boxes and we packed up things she hasn't used for a while.  And the next day, she woke up and told me over breakfast "I think I want to move in November."  *blink*blink*   I was a bit taken aback because she isn't usually decisive, but I nodded, said OK, then let's get some more packing done!  By the time I left, we had packed up many many rooms of things, and taken two very full trips of stuff to Salvation Army!   

My brother drove down from Nevada and we went over things, he called is his realtor and now mom's house is going to be listed.  She's got two pods ordered for Nov 1st and we're all converging to help her move things.  Then she'll fly home with me, to stay at my house until she finds a place of her own.  

I've spent all of my days off moving my things into Brian's room so that she can have the bigger bedroom.  I got a new blanket for the bed, because she's always cold at night.  But ... it gets chilly in Cali's Bay Area because of the fog and ocean breezes.  Arizona will be different :)   I've seen a few really cute houses here, but she's old school, doesn't want to make an offer until she has cash in hand to back up her choice.  *shrug*  that's a part of being in her generation.  

I haven't lived with anyone in five+ years .... living with my mother will be .... an adjustment.  But we'll be fine!  And November will be a great month -- nice days, cool nights.  After work walks, trips to the library, all good things!!!

What If's and Regrets

How many times do we think back over something we said, or some event that went wrong, and think "what if ..... " ?  There are so many times, if you're like me, where we think and re-think something that could have gone better if only we had done or said something different.  It's really hard to let go of some of those things where we might have had better control if only ... .

There have been times in my working life where I could have controlled my tongue or my emotions better. For me, it's easy to get into the "groove" being too open or outspoken with someone I consider a friend, but is technically a boss.  And of course, there's the down side of showing every feeling and emotion on my face!   I am definitely not a good poker player!  I'm better than I was 20 years ago, thankfully.  

There are times when I find myself getting into a really deep groove, more like a rut, thinking about the what if's in my past.  I know I have/hold a lot of animosity regarding my own family.  There are things that have happened and it has created hostilities in some areas.  For example, why are people so funny about money??  There was a situation where the inheritance from my grandfather to his children was .... redirected .... to a grandson in totality.  My mother and her sister didn't receive any part of the inheritance.  And since then, the old family farmstead home has been razed, so no more family history there any longer.  Another one of those situations where you say "what if ??" 

Which brings me to current situations.  My parents had a life plan, and it isn't working out  how they planned it.  And I'm not sure how to go about getting some changes.  I don't want to be saying "what if" in another ten years!   So I'll be spending a week with my mom in the future, and hope we can spend some time having some real conversations so there won't be those what if's.  

So if you're on your road of life, and you have choices to make, think them through, and /or go with your gut instinct if that's something you trust, so that later in life, you won't have any of the "what if's" that get stuck in your head!