Just One More Call

Dear Aunt Margie:  its been a few years now, and I still miss you and your wisdom, your understanding and practical advice.  How I wish you were still here to help me navigate through this roller coaster of caring for mom.  I used to call you on Thursdays on my way home from work.  I still want to do that!!

Some days, I'm miserable when I ponder that mom could last another 20 years,  live as long as her dad did.  Then I feel guilty -- its not that I am wishing her gone, just trying to make plans.  Because I like things orderly!

Sometimes I lay in bed and think "what would Margie say??"  And sometimes I know the answer that comes to me is from you.   

What I wouldn't give to have just one more call with you! 

Why the Guilt?

When I have a day off work, I struggle with opposing issues:  to rest up or to get things accomplished.   My days off are split up, Weds and Saturdays.  Getting rest is important.  But because I work a lot, there is always a lengthy To Do list as well.

I wake up early, yet force myself to stay in bed and rest.  But resting here, I feel guilty for not jumping up and working on the list.  Why the guilt?  Every body needs rest; we function better when we're rested.

The next jump my brain makes is to depression ..... am I doing nothing because I'm depressed???  With all the things I've been through, am going through, its not impossible to side with depression.  

One thing I do to combat those thoughts is a daily walk in a park.  I challenged myself to to 30 walks in 30 days.  It helps!!  Yesterday's walk was at Veterans Oasis Park. 

Time to jump up and start on my To Do list!  If I work fast, I can rest later ... before today's walk!