Like A Yo-Yo

Yesterday's visit to mom was surprising. She was sitting in her wheelchair! And surprisingly alert. We watched a little bit of Dancing with the Stars,  and then I wheeled her outside for a bit of sun.

She is 87. We had been out there for about 10 minutes, and she was wearing a short sleeve shirt.  And she says she wants to go inside, because she's had too much sun.  *eye roll* She doesn't like sun on her skin, which I find weird, always have. But, up to her.

I showed her the dining hall, where she could eat lunch with other people. And her response was "oh no, my hair isnt done, and I'm not wearing very nice clothes."

Even in her troubles of mental acuity, and being unable to concentrate on books or tv shows, she still cares what other people think of her. And so, she is willing to stay in her small room, speaking to nurses or me.

She can be SUCH a contradiction: she doesn't want to be alone, but she doesn't want to be seen as less than her version of perfection. Its so weird to me, and after all these years, I don't try to figure it out.  But it still baffles me.

Two days ago I thought she was close to dying. The next, she's worried about how she looks.  The 180 turnaround makes me feel like a yo-yo.

Rhythm of Life

Some days I think back on living in small town Ohio, and I miss it.

I miss the 4 seasons, watching daffodils burst through when spring is about to arrive.

I miss winter snow... how it smells and crunches under your feet with every step. 

I miss small town life, little league, cub scouts, girl scouts, outings with neighbors and just being able to let kids have some freedom when they play outdoors.

And even after raising six kids and being crowded all the time, I miss sitting down around the table each night for dinner, having conversations. When there was nothing forthcoming from kids, we would draw a paper and ask whatever question is written down (ie what's your favorite subject in school and why?), and everyone had to answer.  Just to keep conversations open with each other.

I miss watching the kids rotate through their chores. They learned to get along with each other in different ways. 

I miss the repititon of mowing the lawn (120ft x 80ft), how it smelled different if you mowed early morning vs late afternoon.

I miss that rhythm of life!