What Da Funk ?

I've been in a deep funk in the past and I recognize the symptoms.  It feels like I'm headed that way again.  Most of the time, I know how to head it off.

I started the day getting up and dressed at 6am and took my garbage bin to the curb.  Then a short 10 minutes on my treadmill. I also started taking my Vitamin D and Magnesium again.  I packed up two more boxes, and that feels good.  My house is looking more "minimal" than ever!! 

Maybe its the heat. In order to conserve $$$ , I've been setting the thermostat at 83.  Feels cool when you've been outside where its over 105, but if you're trying to work indoors, 83 is a bit warm. 

My brain knows this isn't a good place to be, but its difficult to get out of when you don't go to a job every day, and just do the stuff mom needs. Today I ordered her "stuff" from the grocery, Sunday I will pick it up and schlep it to her apartment.  Then there was a letter to write to get some funds transferred. Bank balances to check.  

But I managed to do some "me" stuff as well.  Finding relatives is my hobby, and today I found some pretty good stuff.  The marriage registry from 1863 for my great great grandfather.  Which then got me relatives on great great grandmama's side in the early 1810s.  I always wish for photos, but back then, hard to come by. So I've been settling for a .jpg of the registry, or copies of the census, that sort of thing.  The ones from Sweden I have to get translated .... thank goodness Google does that for us now!!!  I'm old enough to remember when it couldn't!! Yikes! 

With every day's struggles, I keep reminding myself to find some little joy .....

Pleasing Our Parents

Pleasing parents seems like a lifetime job.  It was another crying day for mom. She wants me to tell her what to do to "fix" her leg.  Hellifino.  Then she cries.  She wants to entertain me like I'm a guest coming to visit.  And when I don't "engage", she gets mad. And then cries.

The mood shifts she has can be very tiring.  There's a bit of guilt that seems to be tossed into the middle of the room as shes having them, and I have to tell myself "not my issue".

When she gets this way, we end up spending time in her hallway ..... she rolls up and down and somehow feels better.  Then she rolls back into her room, I'm behind her and she holds up her hand like shes hailing a cab and then opens and shuts her hand .... her signal that she wants me to hold her hand.  

It gets old.  I'm sorry she has such issues, but she tries to shift the problem to someone else. But no one else can fix this for her.  I've tried to engage her to go to the library with her colored pencils to color for a change of scenery, but she "hates" the elevator.  The dining room is another option,  but she spends plenty of time there.

And to top it all off, even though I see her 3x week, she waits to tell me what she needs from the store ... a good excuse to start up a convo by text.  Guess I'll be going shopping. 

I know in my head its not my job to "fix her", but at what point in our lives do we stop trying to please our parents?