Same Every Day

A lot of reading materials cross my desk .... error, phone. I like information. But then again, maybe I'm just using it to avoid thjngs.

A blurb about hyper vigilance and narcissistic abuse was this morning's info. Isn't it funny how we can read somethjng and go yep, that could be me.

The sentence that grabbed my eye was about survivors who always wear the same clothes, because making decisions has been come difficult. When I was working, it became so very easy for me to grab a pair of jeans and a polo shirt.  Every day. One less decision.  I needed a breakfast on the fly, so it was ham and Swiss on a flour tortilla. Even now, I batch cook and eat the same meals every day.

But after thinking about it, I was the same as a kid.  I ate the same breakfast every day, Cheerios, and a butter and cheese sandwich for lunch.  Every day. 

I needed same-ness in order for my nervous system to feel regulated. 

Maybe I'm on the border of some of those other labels, OCD (definitely!), ADHD, and maybe slightly autistic. Because I like the same meals every day. I like the same  clothes every day (which is why I buy multiples when I shop). This gal isn't a fashionista with a different "look" every day. Never have been. 

I like things to be routine, to feel automated. I don't want to make a thousand decisions a day --- I did enough of that when I was raising kids!  And maybe simplifying my life is just a result of that. Because being wife and Mom means you're making decisions and coordinating a million details, which always made me feel like a cruise director! lol 

It doesn't matter what label gets slapped next to your name. You are who you are. Make the best of each day.  If that means the only decision you make is what book do I  read while I sit on the couch, then so be it.

Just make it a good day!