Alone.

Alone. or Lonely.  Both of these words seem related, but they don't mean the same thing.  Alone is being by one's self.  Lonely is a feeling, being left out.  That's my word for the day.  (along with pensive and thoughtful it seems).

One of the things I noticed while on vacation.  Being a single gal, being alone, means that I can pick up and go wherever, whenever I choose.  It means not to share a remote, tv station, choice of meals.  I can come home late from work, get up early and take a walk.  My bedroom can be as clean or as messy as I make it. (which, sometimes it truly is a disaster! ... I finally got it back sorts last night after my mini vacation!)  My dresser drawers, my stash of "things" doesn't get changed, moved around, because there's only me.

But there are times when being alone can feel lonely.  It's a feeling that comes and goes from time to time.  I went home for a few days, and enjoyed the freedom of making my own choices.  But I also saw things that eeked a little loneliness into my emotions as well.

When I see a couple on the street, for example; holding hands, walking together, sharing a comment or a smile.  I hear people at work talking about their spouse or partner, and there's a bit of envy.  Granted, the "grass is always greener" and maybe some of them envy my own freedoms from time to time.  But life is meant to be shared.  People need to be with other people.  At our core, we are social creatures.

Some of you may be wondering what's this all about?  In a nutshell, I fell in love with a man who is my best friend, my confidante, the one who makes me smile.  But there are issues. 

So where does that leave me?  Lately, I've been spending more time at the gym.  At home, I'm doing more cooking again, and a little gardening every day.  My house is cleaner as well.  And I've been reading more, and doing some writing again.  All just distractions, however.

It's a learning curve to deal with the feeling of being lonely.
It's a choice to be alone.
Most of the time, it's not a choice I regret.
But there are moments......