Waiting. Sort Of.

After enjoying the concert last night, I found myself ruminating about things I observed, and compared them to my own life.  (I'm never happy with myself when I do this, but I find myself doing it from time to time.)  As I sat looking out over the lake, the band, the crowds, it was hard not to observe the things that I miss the most:  a couple holding hands, sharing a smile with someone special, making memories.  I've always said that its the little things that make life wonderful.   Sometimes its hard when you choose to live a certain lifestyle choices that doesn't fit in with how "society" or the media deems is best for people. But its plain to see that the world revolves around people who are a "couple".

Since I don't know who reads this, or not, I sometimes wonder if its OK to bare my soul here.  I start to, then I erase some things, because frankly some things have no business being aired.  But watching the world coupled up brings up so many of those feelings about how the world is supposed to work.  There are days, and even more nights, when I long to have some one there to kiss goodnight, to hold my hand, to give me a hug when I need one.  But that means sharing other things as well, and I'm not certain I'm willing to give up the closet space.  *laughs*

Giving up on a dream (or is this a fantasy?)  is the hardest thing to do. We tend to hang on to fragments, and don't look at the bigger picture.  But a relationship can't be just fragments.  A friendship, maybe. But I'm talking about the coupled up kind of relationship. I guess that means companionship with a little bit of stars in your eyes. And yes, eventually I want that special kind of relationship in my own life.  I've been alone so long, though, that I am happy with where I am, what I have, for the most part.  Maybe being attracted to unavailable men has to do with wanting to feel that specialness, without making the commitment.  Makes a little bit of logical sense. 
But since when does romance or love have anything to do with logic?

I can feel myself rambling, as I'm wont to do when emotions are running rampant. 
I'm a good woman,
and the right man
will want to build a life with me. 
In the meantime, I'm here.
Living Life.
and Waiting.
Sort of.