Single Bells

The one thing I hate about spending a holiday alone.....  is the day after at work 

when everyone asks all those "How was your holiday" questions.

How do you answer without sounding pathetic?  without arousing sympathy or pity?

Most of the time,  I do my best to avoid entering into the topic at all.

When it happens, I reply, "Great!" and turn the question on them,

hoping they're the kind who want to ebulliently expound on their day! 

Most times, it works.  For those who continue to ask details about 

my own day, I just say "the usual family activities..." and let it fall off.

The No.12 Rule of a Lady

Being single doesn't mean you're weak, 

it means you're strong enough to wait 

for what you really deserve.

Now Playing:  Luke Bryan's "Drunk on You" - and high on summertime.  Brings back thoughts of hot summer nights.  It's been chilly here in the Valley of the Desert.  Another 30 days or so and spring will be here - can't wait to watch the cactus burst into blooms.  Feb, March, April are most beautiful here!

Waiting. Sort Of.

After enjoying the concert last night, I found myself ruminating about things I observed, and compared them to my own life.  (I'm never happy with myself when I do this, but I find myself doing it from time to time.)  As I sat looking out over the lake, the band, the crowds, it was hard not to observe the things that I miss the most:  a couple holding hands, sharing a smile with someone special, making memories.  I've always said that its the little things that make life wonderful.   Sometimes its hard when you choose to live a certain lifestyle choices that doesn't fit in with how "society" or the media deems is best for people. But its plain to see that the world revolves around people who are a "couple".

Since I don't know who reads this, or not, I sometimes wonder if its OK to bare my soul here.  I start to, then I erase some things, because frankly some things have no business being aired.  But watching the world coupled up brings up so many of those feelings about how the world is supposed to work.  There are days, and even more nights, when I long to have some one there to kiss goodnight, to hold my hand, to give me a hug when I need one.  But that means sharing other things as well, and I'm not certain I'm willing to give up the closet space.  *laughs*

Giving up on a dream (or is this a fantasy?)  is the hardest thing to do. We tend to hang on to fragments, and don't look at the bigger picture.  But a relationship can't be just fragments.  A friendship, maybe. But I'm talking about the coupled up kind of relationship. I guess that means companionship with a little bit of stars in your eyes. And yes, eventually I want that special kind of relationship in my own life.  I've been alone so long, though, that I am happy with where I am, what I have, for the most part.  Maybe being attracted to unavailable men has to do with wanting to feel that specialness, without making the commitment.  Makes a little bit of logical sense. 
But since when does romance or love have anything to do with logic?

I can feel myself rambling, as I'm wont to do when emotions are running rampant. 
I'm a good woman,
and the right man
will want to build a life with me. 
In the meantime, I'm here.
Living Life.
and Waiting.
Sort of.

Waiting

Have you ever felt that all you do is spend your time waiting? Most of us know, especially by this age, that waiting is a big part of life. And no matter how impatient we get, how much we whine or moan about it, there's nothing that will change the waiting.

Waiting comes in stages:
Hopeful. Confident. Cheery.
Optimistic. Philosophical. Edgy.
Discouraged. Depressed. Snarly even. (come on, admit, we all get that way!)

After that, there's the other phases of "Hurry up pleeeeease!" ; "I don't want to talk about it." ; and "Don't you dare tell me the Universe knows best!"

No matter what suits are own plans, our dreams, waiting is the one thing we have to do. But it's not a punishment or lousy luck (even though most times it feels that way!) Waiting is when magic happens, that mystical space between the dream and its coming true. For example: When you're planning a wedding, a dream vacation, the waiting can be a blessing. You get to mull over the details, savor the anticipation. Maybe because we know the outcome, know that the dream will come true, the wait seems just a little sweeter.

So how can we make the waiting look like fun? Distractions. Think back when your kids were small, you were waiting in line for something and they got impatient. A good mother knows how to distract her child as they wait. That same principle applies to us. Distract yourself. Get busy. Do the unexpected.

“For a while" is a phrase whose length can't be measured.
At least by the person who's waiting.”
~Haruki Murakami

As for me, I have been waiting. and waiting. and waiting. for something to happen. And while the time spent savoring has been sweet, just how long do I wait? Some who know details say "give it up, move on". But the heart has other ideas. However. I do plan on taking my own advice to make the waiting easier: Distract myself. Get busy. Do the unexpected.

How?
Day 1. Unscheduled walk in the park.
Day 2. The simple pleasure of assembling a puzzle.

(We'll see how the rest of the week goes!)