Books and Moods

I didn't sleep well last night.  And I have fought the good fight against taking a nap today.  And so far, I have triumphed!  It's not hard when there are chores that need to be done.  And books to be read. hahaha

Lately, I'm big on reading books again -- anything I can get my hands on. Which is quite the selection as my library uses "Overdrive" to check out Kindle books, through Amazon.  My favorite series is by Robert Crais, following the character Elvis Cole's investigative adventures.  But if something looks half interesting, I'll read that too.   :)

Reading is a way to transport ourselves into another realm, another world, a different set of circumstances.  It can be an escape from our own life - and that works for me right now as I've been kind of moody.

I call my mother on an almost daily basis, but sometimes there are difficulties in finding things to talk about.  I realize that it's been less than two months since Dad died.  But after caring for him for over a year, I expect that she'd be willing to get out of the house a little bit more.  I asked her to consider coming to Arizona for a vacation, but she hmmm'd her way out of it.  I know she won't be leaving the house she shared with Dad.  I think she has a hard time just going to the grocery store and church, her usual outings, let alone something extra.  But in my heart of hearts, I'm a little upset with her because a part of the reason she will stay is to take care of another grandson.  I know that he needs a little extra attention right now, but in reality, those grandsons have always been the reason they couldn't leave and have a vacation ....  Reality is she has grandkids and a great granddaughter here in AZ who would love to be able to spend some time with her, to have her share herself, her knowledge, with them.

I'm an independent sort, and have always done for my kids on my own.  My parents spent a lot of time driving my nephews to and from school, games, practices, etc.  None of that time was spent doing that for my kids -- not when I lived there, and definitely not after I moved.  And I feel sad about that.  But it is what it is, and I cannot change the how's and why's of the past.  And obviously I can't change those for the future either.  I can suggest, and invite, knowing that it won't ever happen.  And that makes me just a little bit sad.

So forgive my little moody rant ....


It's back to the gym tomorrow and doing for myself.
I'll feel better after a really good workout.