Thoughts

If it's not one thing it's another.  That's how life's been feeling these past couple of months.  I thought about it a lot today, and realized that it seems to go better at work.  Well.  Sort of.  Work has it's issues and people with issues, but at least at work, it's a place to focus.  There's any number of jobs that need to be attended to, there's never much down time at work, it's always go-go-go.  For me, it's a place to set aside family dynamics issues, health issues and the rest of the issues that seem to crop up lately.  When I'm at work, I'm ... important, needed, counted on to do what I know how to do.

At home, I flounder.  I'm better when chores need doing, or when I get a surge of creativity to work on a project.  Otherwise, I come home from work, and it's too easy to flop in front of the TV and just try to veg away the day.  Well.  For a certain amount of time, until Sadie decides that it's necessary for us to go for a walk.  lol

Sometimes it's easier not to think, and when I sat down here today, I realized that I've been doing just that.  I have bills to pay, taxes to file, paperwork to organize, and yet it's just easier to do nothing.  I should go back to making a list, checking it twice, and being able to check things off as they get done.  Hmm.  Maybe that would help the evenings be more focused.

A lot of the thinking these days has to do with endings.  Sis and my Aunt will reach a point in the near future.... and family issues being what they are ... I'm never the one who likes to rock the boat.  I observe my mom and her sister when they're together.  They're close in a way I'll never be with my own sister.  Never was growing up.  It isn't going to change with her health at risk, either.  She's in her own world, and there's no place, no room, for anyone else.  She never mentioned to me that she was bringing her kids to Arizona.  They're spending five days not 20 minutes from me.   I could say it hurts, but only in a tiny way, because this is how it's always been.  I lived in Ohio for 10 years, my sister visited Kentucky (only 3 hours drive away) and places around.  She was at Basket City (longaberger) with her girlfriends and said I could drive up to see her for a day.  That's how it's always been - - if it doesn't interfere with her plans, she's happy to get together.

I'm not really complaining, it just helps to write things down in black and white, things that pop into my head, things I've learned over time.  It is what it is.  Being able to go back and read it can be enlightening, help me to understand that it's not a flaw in myself.

A friend told me I should "be like a rock, and let all the other things just flow around me like water." That's a good thought to have as I let this all sink in.

Knocked Down, but not Out!

Tired beyond belief.   System shocked.

Every time I think about

everything happening.....

eh, it's too hard!

How much can a person endure?

And yet, the answer is always

as much as is given.

On the way home from work,

a song from Chumba Wumba came on:

"I get knocked down, but I get up again

You are never gonna keep me down..."

And yes, that's been my theme for the rest of this week.

I may get knocked down,

bowled over from all that's happening,

but ... I get up again.

Because that's life.

(Two Calla Lilies in Mom's backyard)

F*ck Cancer

H*ly sh!t what a day.

As you know, my sister has stage iv pancreatic cancer.  She opted for treatment, and is hanging in there, doing well, all things considered.  She's upbeat and positive even on her chemo days -- attitude is sometimes half the battle!

I had lunch with my friend Helen.  She just had surgery last week to remove a cancerous lymph node.  *sigh*  Looks like they got it all, but .... yikes!  It makes a person wonder - really wonder -- just what's going on inside these marvelous, miraculous yet vulnerable bodies of ours????

My aunt called me this evening, too.  She had a tumor removed from her bladder two weeks ago.  She had a PET scan, and the news isn't good.  Cancer.  Prognosis:  3-6 months.  She opted for no treatments, as she's 81 and "life's been good".   She's positive and upbeat as well.  She's opted to stay in Arizona, rather than live with her kids in Minnesota.

My aunt has always been an inspiration to me.  She's well read, and speaks her mind.  She's very down to earth, practical in every matter.  Her and I have the same logic, and since I moved to Arizona, we've become much closer.  I'll miss her fiercely; this is going to be hard.  I know I'll feel more alone than ever, since my mom doesn't travel much any more, especially by herself.

It will sound ... small of me, but I need a place to put it out there.  I recently visited my Mom and sister, the whole family, and I realize that everyone's concern is for my sister and her battle.  But there wasn't once in three days when anyone asked me about me.  I don't see or speak with them often; when I do, it's related to whatever's going on there.  Nothing about what's going on here.  How sad is that?

Sometimes families make you just shake your head.

Lexington, et al

Lexington Reservoir 

Santa Clara County, CA

In 1943, because of the rapid expansion of orchards in the county, the Santa Clara Valley Water District determined that the well water in the Santa Clara Valley was being diminished rapidly and a dam was needed on Los Gatos Creek, with one goal being to percolate the water into the ground and ultimately increase the amount of well water available. After rerouting State Route 17 near Windy Point, which is a mile south of Los Gatos, the District began dam construction in the spring of 1952, completing it that fall.

My family moved to Santa Clara County in 1963.  Growing up as a teenager, driving past Lexington meant you were on your way to Santa Cruz Beach/Boardwalk!  And we've always made a note to view just how full it is whenever we passed this way.  With the several-year drought in SCCo, it's been at some of it's lowest points in history. But this winter's "Pineapple Express" (a local phrase for the series of storms blowing in from the direction of Hawaii) brought more rain than ever, and the lakes are full again, including Lexington.

While on vacation, my sister wanted to drive up and see it first hand, so off we trekked.  We didn't hike far as it was downhill and very muddy.  Which means uphill on the return, and slippery.  Couldn't chance her (or any of us ol' ladies!) to fall down and hurt ourselves so the hike was a little shorter than planned. But it was so nice to be out among the eucalyptus trees - they smell so good after a rain!   We stopped at Steamer's in Los Gatos on our way back for some delish seafood!

My daughter and her family went with on this trip, they did lots of touristy things in SF and then hit Marriott's Great America for a day of roller coaster rides! Great America's Drop Tower falls at a top speed of 62 mph (100 km/h) and is 227 feet (69 m) tall.  My granddaughter had never been on any that were this big before -- she came home tired, but smiling :)

Always good to see my Mom.  One of the main reasons I go is to get a feel first hand on how things are **really** going.  Mom's version isn't always so ... exact.  Sis is doing OK with her chemo sessions, and she's pretty upbeat, all things considered.  Mom thinks she should be resting more, and from what I see, sis isn't going to just sit around and wait for things to "get better".  She watched Dad, they never got better.  That's just how it is with stage iv cancer.  So bravo, kudos to her, for doing the things she still enjoys, for getting out and enjoying friends, family and nature, no matter the circumstances she's having to endure.

Just gotta Rant

For me, sometimes just writing it all down gets it out of my system.  We've become a society of "entitlement" - I notice it at work.  We hire people and when they don't do the job or task the way its supposed to be done, lately everyone just shrugs it off or ignores it as if they're just happy to have a body who shows up to partially do the job they were hired to do.   Take the phrase "clean up after yourself".  Moms have been cleaning up after kids their whole life.  A mom who doesn't take the time to teach their kid to clean up after themselves become what we now have at work:  entitled employees.  What's going to become of the world in general when the "moms" are gone and all that's left are the entitled ones?  Who's going to do the cleaning up??   

Is it a sign that I've become "old" when it bothers me to see the decline of the next generation?  I think it is!

Which brings me to the real reason I had a lousy day.  I had a voice message from my sister telling me that she's trying to coordinate a dinner at my brother's house because "mom's just exhausted from all the cleaning and entertaining."  Ummm.  Excuuuuse me but mom's 79 years old.  She shouldn't have to be raising her grandsons -- cooking and cleaning up after them.  She lets them live pretty much rent free in her house.  They have a live-in cook and maid.   And whenever sis wants to jet off with her friends, mom's stuck with her dog.  Who, by the way, gets so upset at being left behind that she throws up all over mom's bed every night she's left there.  Which leaves mom to wash all the bedding.   I was so freaking pissed off at this all day long.  Sure, my sister helps in her way --- by throwing money at a situation. Well, sorry, but that's not going to work for your youngest son who's been discarded from living at his mother's and his father's homes.  He has a part time job, and no one to help teach him how to be a self sufficient adult; no one to walk him through what to do when you get a ticket, when your bank account has a problem, when your car breaks down and you don't have the money for repairs.   Who's going to teach him?   

I'm trying to be ... understanding with my sister's own situation.  She has cancer, stage iv, pancreatic.  It seems to me she's trying to do everything that's ever been on her bucket list.  She takes off for weekends, for drives, for outings with girlfriends.  And I'm not begrudging her those things. But I just don't feel as if she should abandon everything else for that.  She has three sons, and they need her, she needs to spend time with them and make sure they know things; are able to go on, before she's gone.

Don't call me and leave me cryptic messages that insinuate that me and my kids coming for a visit is a hardship on Mom.  I've spent nearly every vacation hour I earn going up and helping Mom do what needs doing.  I don't resent any of it, but sheesh, ya'll live right there! and visit her house every day.  You can't lift a finger, say hey, is there anything I need to do for you?   In defense of the siblings, if something needs doing, Mom should just ask.  But she doesn't, never has, errr... never had to.  Dad was always there to take care of things.  But Dad's gone.  They need to step in and take care of her.  They have NO IDEA what they'll lose when she's gone.  

I sit here shaking my head, and shaking on the inside as well, truly upset over all of this.  Yes, the family that lives away from me has their own dynamics.  If that's the case, if that's how it's going to be, then so be it. But don't bother calling me to leave passive aggressive messages on my voice mail.  Just because Sis is some kind of boss in her job, she ain't the boss of me.

I know that once my mom is gone - and let's face it, at 79 years, it's hard to say how many more are left.  Her sister is 81, and just discovered she has cancer. She's refusing treatment, which I expected, we've talked about it at length.  In fact, losing my Aunt will be devastating for me. We're .... two of a kind, SO not like my mother or sister,  and have pretty much the same outlook on how things ought to be.  

I'd like to say I feel better getting this off my chest, but so far, not so much.  It was very difficult to talk to my Mom on the phone today.  I didn't want to tell her what my sister said.  What made it hard is Mom always taught me:  if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything. 

Which leaves me asking a question for the masses:   My brother loves to have people over, to BBQ for everyone.  And it's real nice when he does, he's an awesome cook.  However, his idea of dinner time is to start cooking at 6pm, and eating at 8pm.  I know, everyone's different.  And having a BBQ for friends and such is different than a BBQ for family, with your Mom.  If you know that eating so late isn't good for your Mom, that she doesn't sleep after eating so late, wouldn't you adjust your dinner time so that it's earlier to suit her?   So the question is:  Should Mom always have to work around the rest of the family's schedule?  Or should they make her a priority and work their schedule around her once in a while?

Spring!

Happy Spring!

What-day?

I'm working a long stretch at work .... the guy who does my department on weekends is on vacation, so I'm covering those shifts.  And man, I tell ya, the days all run together, and I forget what day of the week it is!     That's ok, though.  We're in the middle of a heat wave - about 95 every day this week.  So being inside at work in the AC isn't so bad :)

An update on my meds:  I've been tracking food and when I take meds and I've noticed something odd:  For the entire week my helper has been gone, I have been fine.  Totally fine!  So the question I have to ask myself now is this:  Is there that much stress when he's at work that it upsets my digestive system??  Am I that sensitive to his negative energy that I actually have a physical reaction?  I've suspected a little bit of that, and I've been wearing one of my turquoise rings, and carrying a couple tumbled rocks in my pocket for ... "protection" from the negative waves.  I also caught myself wiping down my workstation after he'd used it - as if I was wiping away the negative energy.  When I was in grade school we called it "cooties". hahahahaha

Prepping for my trip home, it's going to be ... complicated.  I'll leave the warm sunshine here in the Valley of the Sun for the rainy skies of the Bay Area.  Ohh boy.  I was going to pack t-shirts, looks like I better get out the long sleeved tees!

Happy weekend!

Puppies!

No ... no way, no how ... never again.  I won't have another puppy, but .... Netflix has a show called Precious Puppies.

It's 95 degrees out today, so Sadie can't walk in heat like that, and I had things to do.  After getting a few chores done, I had a spare 30 minutes, thought I'd pop that on.  Sadie got a little worked up, tried to get to the TV to play with the pups, so that was a bit of exercise for her!  Maybe she'll sleep well tonight.  I think she actually sat still and watched for about 20 minutes before jumping up at the TV again!

With the heat wave we have going, we're not quite used to it, since the low temps jumped from the 40s to a low of 58 from Friday to Tuesday.  We didn't sleep well last night, time to get covers off the bed and just sleep with a sheet again!  

Ohh boy, summer's comin' early to the Valley of the Sun!

Accomplishments!

We all have it.  Every once in a while, there's that *one thing* on your TO-DO list that just never makes it to the top, never gets done.  And every time you look at your list, you think "ohh geez, when will I ever get that done?"

Well.  Today was the day.

For 6+ years, I've run a cable from my modem to my computer - it's been strung along the floor, taped down across doorways.  It's been an eyesore and a pain when the tape wears, and you have to tape it down all over again.

Today, I got out the drill, drilled some strategic holes, and now -- while the cable still runs across the house, at least it is up and out of the way, off the floor!  *hApPy DaNcE*   I'm so thrilled to have that job done!


Afterwards, I thought to myself:  "this wasn't nearly as hard as I thought -- WHY did I wait so long to attempt to do it??"

Yeah.  We all do that from time to time.

Quit thinking about it, and like Nike says:  Just Do It

I did.  You can too. Go. Now!
*giggles*

The Man in Black

I sat down, ready to relax before bed, flipped on the TV and booted up my Kindle, intent on finishing the book I've been reading.   But PBS was the last station I watched .... and there on my TV is the Man in Black -- and the Highwaymen!   Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings and Kris Kristofferson.  Ohhh boy was my day totally complete!    So much for reading, I'm totally watching this instead!

Yes, I know it's an old repeat, but who cares?!?

Ring of Fire
Me and Bobby McGee
Mammas Don't let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys
Folsum Prison Blues
Always on My Mind
.... damn, what great music!

The Highwaymen:  Frequently referred to as “the Mount Rushmore of country music,” The Highwaymen – Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, and Kris Kristofferson – were American country music’s first bona fide supergroup, an epic quartet comprised of the outlaw country genre’s pioneering stars. An essential musical and cultural influence, the Grammy-winning group was active from 1985 – 1995.

Oh how I miss the music they made - thank goodness for PBS bringing back an old classic!

I saw Johnny Cash in the 90s, and it was the BEST concert I've ever been to.  He was the ultimate performer, but that's just my opinion.

His music is poignant, thought provoking, and moving.  Even his songs with a hint of humor are my favs, from "Boy Named Sue" to "One Piece at a Time".   On his album, American IV, he sings "In My Life", another one of my favs!  Take a moment, find a YouTube version and listen to some Johnny!  

Beautiful Morning!

Annnnd, as usual on a day off, my eyes pop open at 5am as if I'm supposed to go to work.  I know that's part of being in the "older generation" and .. eh, I guess I'm OK with it.  I got up, walked Sadie then gathered up all the garbage, since the garbage truck hadn't been here, tossed a few palm fronds into the can and headed inside for breakfast.   On my days off, it's Peanut Butter toast and a Diet Coke.   It's been that for near 20 years -- I can't seem to help myself!

Today's a cleaning day - I started in my bedroom and got it all back to rights.  Nope.  Scratch that.  I got it back to Showroom Ready.  No clutter, no piles, no boxes or bags.  *whew* feels good!  And gosh look at the time, it's only 7:40.  lmao.  What to do NOW?  

Ahh.... re-hanging the photos on my self created photo gallery.  With really tall walls, they're hard to decorate, everything looks ... unbalanced, I guess is the best word for how it feels to me.  So I created my own balance.  In my living room, there's a wall separating it from the kitchen.  It doesn't go to the 14' ceiling, it's 8 feet high.  With that height as an anchor, I stapled a 36" wide piece of burlap the length of one wall and use that as a base frame to put my photos up.  It's probably 14-foot, so plenty of room to hang family photos and favorites that I've taken over the years!   Hanging dozens of framed photos up within the boundaries of the burlap works wonders for my OCD or perfectionism - either label works for me!

Ahhh.... 9:30am and I change into shorts, grab a bottle of water, and head out into the backyard to sit in the sun and read.  Only my focus keeps looking at the sky, the trees.  Every now and then there's a morning that I call crystal clear.  The sky is a perfect blue, the sun shines on the trees and they nearly glimmer in the gorgeous light.  I didn't bother with a camera to try and capture the beauty, I just sat and enjoyed it!  Bare feet to the ground, sun on my skin, a good book in my hands .... What a beautiful morning this has been!  

Hello, Friiiiday!

It might be Thursday, but it's my Friday!  I have another odd schedule because of upcoming vacations within my work group.  But that's ok, as long as I have two days off in a row, it's a win!

More nightmares on Tuesday night -- one involved a shooter, me hiding behind wooden dining chairs, the wood splintering and flying all around with every shot.  Whatever the agenda or the situation surrounding all of this, I don't remember.  

The second nightmare of the night I was spending time (vacation?) in my Grandfather's house on the farm.  There's a steep flight of stairs going up to the second story bathroom, I remember climbing the stairs carrying Sadie, got halfway up and a panic attack started, knowing I couldn't get both me and Sadie to the top, I needed to turn around.  Unfortunately, there was a line of several other people behind me trying to make their way to the top as well.    In the meantime, every so often the sky would turn black and there would be a huge explosion.  My cousin Ronnie was blowing up cars and farm equipment to collect on the insurance checks.  I confronted my Aunt and Uncle -- but they blowing it all off like it was no big deal.  I remember thinking my Aunt was looking unlike herself, she'd let herself go, was wearing a thin white tshirt and had a belly on her now.  

There's background to this nightmare:  my grandfather's trust was to let each of his children have a share of the land.  Somehow things got convoluted and my cousin now own's all the land, bought it at a fire-sale rate, and grandfather signed off on it, even though he was over 100 years old.  I'm sure he had control issues and kept his signature on the trust.  Who knew he'd live to be 104?   And my Aunt, she was a teacher, I remember her always impeccably dressed, even to work in the garden!  It made me wonder at why I was dreaming of them .... when I told my mom about the dream, she reminded me that day it was my uncle's birthday!   Ok, now that's a little woo woo!  *lol*

Sometimes I shake my own head, wondering about the meaning behind it all.  You can bet I took a few extra minutes at the park to lay in the grass, grounding myself.  I also carried some polished stones in my pocket for two days .... because you never know!

Nick Names

Why is it that some people can give you a nickname, or use a shortened version of your name, and it doesn't bother you.   And other people who try it, it's like nails on a chalkboard??

My co-worker likes to use the first syllable of my name, calls me Lin.  And frankly, to me, that's a little too intimate.  I had an ex who used to call me "dude" --- which I thought was amusing when we were just friends, but when the relationship progressed, it just didn't fit any longer!  I had a boss in the 70s who called me "Missy" -- and I didn't mind that either.  He was a good man, a great mentor and friend, and I was fine with the nickname.   (of course, he usually used it when I did something that went against his way of doing things ..... lol )

"Gimme Three Steps" is a song by southern rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd.  The song is memorable for its opening riff:

I was cutting the rug

Down at place called The Jug

With a girl named Linda Lou

When in walked a man

With a gun in his hand

And he was looking for you know who ...

Several people over the years have called me Linda Lou.  And most of them, I don't mind.  Anyone who is of an age and knows this song, well, they're OK people in my book!  *giggles*  

I would never dream of calling my co-worker by the first syllable of his name, and pray that I never call him "Elvis" although it's possible, because in my mind I've referred to him as "Elvis" over the years - not because he looks anything like him, but because he got all "fancy" and started matching the color of his shoes to the color of his eyeglasses.  (One day it was the white set, another day the royal blue set .... you see where that goes! ugh)

Maybe I'm being oversensitive.   I try to just ignore the whole thing when he speaks, but there are days .........   UGH

Easy Sundays

 A working Sunday makes for an off day - especially when you work only 4 hours.  After work, I grocery shopped, and then had lunch.  What I wanted most?  was a nap.  I didn't sleep well.  This past week has been full of dreams!  I haven't been able to remember most of them.  When I wake from them I think to myself "oh yeah, I'll remember this one!"  and morning comes ... and nope!  Gone! 

I did wake up to a sharp stabbing pain in my left heel, and remember taking a big drink of water - my mouth was so dry it felt as if my tongue was becoming unstuck!  




In my quest for less clutter, I'm finding that it takes a lot of work to maintain!  Every day means something else that needs to be dealt with, put somewhere, or it becomes the dreaded clutter!  Even something as small as a stack of mail -- ugh!  I have to admit, I just shred most of it, but it's still something that needs to be done.  

I was looking at photos of me from 2013, when I'd just completed six months of personal training and intense workouts at the gym.  I looked much better than I do right now, and I want to go back to that very much.  But it's not easy.  As time goes by, as I get older, it's harder and harder to do.  I don't know where I can find the hour a day I was at the gym.  Now that my son is out on his own, my puggie Sadie is home alone for 10+ hours a day.  And darn it, I always feel so guilty even when I make a 15 minute unscheduled stop after work!  I know that she's standing in the window, looking out, watching for Mom's car!  So devoted, and at the same time, so needy! 

Driving home, a new radio station that plays only country oldies played "Honey" by Bobby Goldsboro.  "See the tree how big it's grown, and friend it hasn't been too long,  it wasn't big.
I laughed at her and she got mad, The first day that she planted it, was just a twig...."  Ohh the memories that brings back of a simpler time.  Then they played Eddy Arnold "Make the World go awaaaaaaay, and get it offfff my shoulderrrr.  Say the things you used to say .... "   Damn.  I grew up on these old country tunes.  They are a part of me, one of the many parts that makes up "me".  

After yesterday's painting, some of today's chores included putting things back in their respective places.  Tomorrow will be more of the same, re-hanging pictures on the wall!  Although I think that may take a little more than just an evening --- I have a LOT of pictures on my walls!   The joy of being a photographer, I suppose!

Light and Love to all, have a blessed week!

The Blah's

Here it is, a Saturday and no work today!  That's always a plus, but after having breakfast and walking Sadie, I wondered what I should do.  Being I work retail, Sunday is a workday for me, so I've only this one day off .... but I didn't want to just waste it away binge watching Netflix or puttering about.  So I decided to be super ambitious and took everything off another large living room wall so that I could paint that and the ceiling.  I let Netflix play a dozen episodes of Blue Bloods while I worked, and finished what I'd started in just 5 hours.  To get out of the paint smell, Sadie and I headed to the local park for a walk, hit the drive thru for supper and came home, tuckered.

I have to admit though, that I'm beginning to have concerns about my episodes of stomach issues.  When I take my new meds, I feel constipated and feel as if I don't know when the need for a bathroom will come up, so I don't travel far.  Especially with Sadie.  It's not bad when I can stop at a fast food and find a restroom, but leaving Sadie in a closed up car on a warm day?  Yeah, that's not happening.  And maybe that's where I become stressed out, letting anxiety take over because I know in the back of my mind that I can't stop anywhere when she's with me.

I know that having a dog is a commitment -- and certainly not one that I wanted when my daughter decided she couldn't handle her as a puppy.   But now that I have her, she's good company when I'm home alone, but not exactly a great breed to travel with.  She gets super excited on car rides, no matter how many rides, or how far we go!  She pants heavily, which causes her mucus to build up in her throat/lungs and makes it even harder to breathe.  Maybe some of my anxiety is from her snout next to my ear, panting while I drive.   Ugh.

Having a dog at this stage in life .... I feel too much guilt because I'm not home with her for more than 10 hours every working day.  Is that fair?  On the other hand, she's treated very well, has a comfortable house to live in, I don't restrict her from any room in the house (although maybe I should??)

ok ok, I admit it, she's one very spoiled dog!

And I suppose I wouldn't have it any other way :)

Dream On!

When it comes to dreams, when I dream, they're a doozy.  And the ones I remember are always in color.  The other night, it was a dream about buying a new car.  I was shopping with a man -- an ex perhaps? -- and he said he had the perfect car for me.  It was bright red, and sporty looking on the outside.  We decided to take it for a test drive and boy did it run great at first!  We zoomed here and there, but then ended up in a large parking lot (of my BigBox store perhaps? lol )  and the thing was sputtering and died.  As I got to looking around the car, paying more close attention to the dash and interior, I said "This car's a piece of sh!t!  Just what year is it??"   He told me it was a 1970s car.  As I peered around I could see that the door interiors had been replaced -- with SHEETROCK!  To open the window, you turned an old crank handle, and right next to the driver just below the window hung a green manual pencil sharpener!

Now, when trying to piece together this little mystery, I have to admit, I've had a new car thought in the very back of my brain (my current car is 2009, so another car before I retire is a must) and have looked at the Chevy Equinox -- in white, not red!  *laughs*  Having the inside of the car "re-done" in sheetrock, that's a new one on me.  And a pencil sharpener?  Hmmm.... wonder what that means in a dream??  

Ok Google, help me out:   "(Blade) A pencil sharpener in a dream represents a good son who is envied by people. ... In a dream, a pencil sharpener also represents a writer or an author. "  Ok, either of those fits.  :)  

"To see or install drywall panels in your dream refers to your desires for privacy. You are building up a layer of protection. Perhaps you have been hurt and are being guarded with your emotions."   Now that's pretty interesting as well.  As I've mentioned in other posts, I'm highly sensitive, or an empath.  Or some sort of combination.  Either way, I find that I need to have up my own internal walls in any type of crowded place to help deflect some of the energies I feel from other people in the area.  I've begun to carry some small gemstones in my pocket each day, as I have a co-worker who puts off negative energy in waves.  After work, I'm exhausted from all of the energy I expend trying to ward off his energy.  Which is also the reason Sadie and I take a lot of walks:  Earth elements like wind and rain help wash away the negative energy; contact with Earth is like having my battery recharged!

"In dreams, cars often represent you and reveal how you are getting through life. Depending upon the context of the dream, a car can symbolize our physical body, mind, ego (Freud's definition), consciousness, personality, and/or our life in general or the direction our life is taking."  Does this mean I'm feeling like I'm stuck in the 70s????  hahaha  Those were some good years!       "To dream of the color red indicates raw power, elan, fervor, intense passion, aggression, authority, and bravery. It connotes deep emotions and spirituality."

When all is said and done, dreams can be a bit silly, but they are also fascinating to think about it, to give us helps in our daily living tasks, to help us achieve our dreams, or point us in a new direction!

Dream on!