Thanks for Reading

I really like to write.  For me, its a better way to communicate than speaking.  I can form a few thoughts on a topic. My hope is that my sharing those thoughts will cause you to think about something, perhaps in a way you didn't think about it before.  

But my main driving force behind this happened because of my genealogy research into my own family.  It was obvious that there were so many personal feelings about themselves and their lives they never wanted to share.  

It's my personal belief that my paternal grandmother got involved (possibly sex?) with grandfather before marriage, maybe ended up pregnant, with a hasty marriage.  She was always reluctant to share when I asked questions, saying the past should be left alone.  My paternal grandfather was born to his unmarried mother.  

So while maybe she thought the past should be left alone, sharing might have changed the course of others' lives.  

I'm still pondering sharing some of my own experiences.  I considered writing fiction around the facts and making it into a novel, but I'm not sure its worthy of all that. But maybe it will be a good project over the winter!   We shall see.

Thank you, reader, for taking the time.  I like knowing something I've written has been read, but even if it wasn't,  I'd still write! Cuz that's who I am.

Fam Time Tuesday

Tuesday evening, mom and I watch my nephew's kids while he works.  As always, they're a handful of energy and fun. And sometimes, they can be a little bit much. But that's just being kids.

Last night, they were wound up tight.  We kept them busy turning paper plates into pumpkins.   Err, jack-o-lanterns.  Then a few rounds of corn hole.  By then the Wold Series game was on, and mom was ready to settle in to watch. 

I tried to entertain the kids with a Match game, but they continued to argue and fuss.  It had just grown dark, so we took a walk to check out the Halloween decorations on houses. Wasn't much, but the walk did them good.  I know it was good for me!

I think part of the reason they were so wound up is my nephew, J has a girlfriend.  And she was coming over.  It was interesting to observe the kids with her, but I see potential for problems. She had promised to make cookies with the kids, and then had to put off that promise because its a school night.  Kids are funny, they have their own ways, we'll have to see how this works out.  

In the meantime, no gym today as I need to wash my car and do some household chores.  Plus its a gorgeous 70 degrees and that makes folks want to be outdoors  ... me included!!!

Fall Ball (again)

Finally talked Mom into going to Mr Z's baseball game today.  It was a gorgeous 92 degrees when we left; anything over 90 and she wants to stay in.  But with it getting dark so early now, and a good breeze, it was gorgeous tonight. 

I felt bad for her, though. We sat down and we were home team, playing outfield.  She's looking around and says "Where's Tristan?"   She used to watch her grandson play .... about 20 yrs ago!  I pointed to right field and said Mr Z is right there!  

Otherwise, it was a good night.  When 7-8 yr olds play, pitching isn't so great.  But only 3 kids were hit with the ball today. That's a plus!!

Gorgeous clouds!

Our Phones

We live in a digital world, and our phones are our lifeline to just about everything.  I am no exception!!  I feel lost without it!

I headed out to the gym this morning and as I was about a minute away, I realized I didn't have my phone.  My first instinct was to turn around and head back home.  And then I thought WTF??  I have my wallet, they can check me in manually. But boy was I feeling lost!

Success!  I was checked in, and wished a good workout.  I haven't been in 3 days, so I hopped on the bike. 18 mins in and I wanted to quit.  Then an awesome song queued up, and I kept going.  Soon I was just past the 30 min mark and 7.5 miles. 

That's when the internal debate begins.  Can I do 10 miles? 40 minutes??  

YES.   I.   CAN.  !!!!!

Happy Monday!

Sage To Cleanse

Today, I lit a sage incense stick :

"Please cleanse this space for the highest good of all who come in contact with my beautiful home. I release into this smoke all energies that do not serve me, all negativities that surround me, and fear that limits me. On Heaven as It is on Earth."

Do you have to believe it will work in order for it to work??  I've always been highly intuitive.  And strange things happen to me, and around me.  

Every now and then, I will catch the scent of a man's cologne.  (No men have been in my house in a long time!)  And sometimes I catch a whiff of cigarette smoke - the kind that lingers on the clothing of a smoker.  

Two days ago, it was the sound of a pencil or stick striking a glass bowl, that leaves a lingering sound, the key of C or E.  Or the sound of a rubber ball being bounced.  I open the door and can't hear it, but I still hear it indoors.  

There's a photo of my mom that gets pushed over every few days, and I have two sock monkeys that sit on a toy sized park bench that gets tipped.  

Most of the time, I take it all in stride.  Its been happening off and on for a few years.  But the bottle tossed off the vanity in the night has freaked me out.  Mostly because of the distance, it wasn't just bumped.

So we'll see if the sage makes a difference.  The little things make me smile, but I don't want to be scared out of my house! 

Too Much Control

How much is too much control in a relationship??  I have a great granddaughter, and she's adorable!  But I haven't been to see her yet.  There's a possible problem niggling at my brain.

My granddaughter, Miss B, is hearing impaired, and struggled with social aspects in school.  This can create problems when forging relationships,  especially with men.  For 3+ years, she has dated a young man who is also hearing impaired.  Their bond was cute. At first.

Over time, there have been little incidents that have caused me to wonder about this relationship.  Miss B was always smart and independent.  But once they hooked up, she has "lost"  6 phones.  We all know how easy they are to misplace. But for a hearing impaired person, their phone is a lifeline and it isn't often lost.  

Without either of them having a job, they moved in together and got 3 puppies.  (Yeah, I know, irresponsible!!!)  But again for her, her hearing aids are a lifeline, she doesn't leave them around for the dogs to chew.  She went without them for months, and when she visited us, she couldn't have conversations with us without them.

So here's the problem niggling at me.  Is he a controlling bastard who is doing things to make her dependent on him alone??  Does he "help" her lose phones?  Did he "knock" her hearing aid off a table while she slept??   Since they started dating, I haven't had a one on one talk with her and we were close before that.  I chalked it up to being a teenager.  But now I'm wondering. 

We are trying to arrange a visit there next weekend, but we're waiting on "permission".  Hmm.  More on this soon.

15 Years Ago

Its so hard for me to imagine that fifteen  years have gone by since I made an offer on my house.  President Obama had enacted a bonus for first time home buyers, and I qualified!  

When I took my first walk thru of the house, eek. It had been closed up for about a year. The bank owned it.  Previous owner had begun making improvements.  I was fine with all of them except the color.  He had everything sprayed in a brownish color ..... walls, closets, cupboards.   No character, everything just blended.  

Once I was approved, the bank allowed me to get right in and start painting.  I painted my room a lovely lilac shade, and Brian did three tone grey.  I let him choose, it was the first time he had a choice in the scheme of his room!!  We had a blast.  We would head over after work and paint a couple hours, pick up some drive thru, and repeat the next few days.  

But painting the main rooms was harder.  My fav aunt and uncle came over one Saturday to help us get started.  She even brought over some home made chili!!

I've always been one to believe that when you help someone, or someone helps you, on a project, a part of them becomes part of things.  I will always remember them helping paint the living room.  It was the same when I started painting stripes on my fence .... everyone who came over had a part in making this happen!

Being a homeowner isn't for everyone, but it was my goal my whole adult life.  And I love it!

Dejected

I woke up feeling energetic today, and logged into my Simple app to check what's in store for today.  My plan was to hit the gym.  But my AI insisted it had been 20 days since I logged my weight, and that was today's goal. 

But I knew that I didn't want to see a number.  I have taken to sliding the scale under the laundry basket because my goal can't be about the numbers on a scale.  And yep, I was right.  It shows I'm up 4 lbs. 

I've done weight loss and gym rat stuff for many years.  I know that I probably added muscle because I changed up machines and routines.  But I have limited myself to aprox 1200 calories, I fast 16 hours day, I haven't had pizza, chips, cookies, or fast food in 6+ weeks.  Every meal includes fiber and protein.  My water intake is over 88oz per day.  And I still can't lose.  Its very frustrating.

I spent most of my day ... hibernating. Wallowing.  Dejected.  Tomorrow I start again, crank down on the calories, increase my gym time and try yet again.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Ms J and I spending time at the ballpark

Write Peace

Its Mom day again for grocery shopping. Picking up Mr Z from school. Baseball practice this evening.  For being retired, I'm not getting much rest! Haha

But one thing has been weighing on my mind.  There's a new song by Leanna Crawford. The opening verse is:

"Great Aunt Maurine said at a hundred and three:  Write scripture on your heart for when you need it, Cause anxiety hates Psalm 23. So just say it to yourself ‘til you believe it. And I’m feeling like I’m needing it right now."

Psalm 23 is well known.  I know that it's written on my own heart, and has given me comfort through all my hard times.  I find myself wishing it for mom.  She has attended church all her life. And yet she has so much anxiety over ... things.

I guess in the end, we all find our own peace.  Much of mine comes from music!

Listen to Your Soul

Let your soul be your pilot, let your soul guide you......

That's the song I heard during my gym time. I know it's sung by Sting, but I'm not sure its his version on my MP3 player  .... 

Either way the message is a good one.  We all have a tendency to look to others for advice.  But in the end, we have to own that each choice is ours.  Good. Bad. Or ugly.   I've made plenty of all kinds!

But most of my good ones come from when I listen to that little voice inside, my intuition, my soul. 

What's even better is when we make a bad or ugly decision, what we learn from it, or what we can gain from it, can still be good.

I thought I was making a good decision when I married husband #3 and moved from Cali to Ohio.  Turns out that wasn't a good one for me, but in the long run, it turned out to be good for my kids.  They were able to get school provided services for their disabilities.  My daughter was taught sign language and had an interpreter. My son had a teacher devoted to helping him with his vision needs.  While the marriage didn't work, my kids benefited.  So some good from the bad.

When things are going wrong, look inside yourself.  Listen to your intuition. 

Proud of Me!

So I've been on the Simple app for a little over a month.  And I was hoping it would help.   OK, hoping it would be a little more miraculous in weight loss than regular "diets".   And I was wrong to hope for that.  They say its a matter of calories in and calories out, but that's not all of it or my scale would move.

So today I realized two things:  my weight isn't as important as my health; the healthier eating I've been doing is good for me.  And the scale won't move unless I do what worked for me before:  an hour in the gym 5x week.  

With that in mind, I was determined to do more today.  My goal was 7 minutes on the elliptical.  (I used to do 45 mins!)  Today, I was able to do 10, and I'm proud of that!  It was a little uncomfortable --  and I'm sure I will have sore muscles tomorrow, but doing this is for me! 

After that, I completed 30 mins, 7 miles, on the bike.  None of this will be easy, but I am determined. 

The struggle is real.

Sunday Music

I was raised in the Lutheran Church.  Every Sunday was spent going to church. It was a small church, everyone knew everyone.  And I was raised singing old hymns, which I never minded.   I'm musically inclined and enjoyed that much more than the rest of it.

I'm watching Seventh Heaven and a tune came on and I immediately knew the words and sang along:

Blest be the tie that binds Our hearts in Christian love; The fellowship of kindred minds Is like to that above.

While that's a lot of old fashioned words, its a simple message. Which wasn't my point.  How we are raised is ingrained in us, no matter how far from the original path we might stray.  I stopped attending St John's (where mom attended for 50 years)  in 1990.  I joined another church, but after I left Cali, church was more in the background.  

It's comforting to know that the simple things we learn in our childhood stick with us, and that music pulls memories out that we thought we had long forgotten. 

If you have a chance, pull out some old music and let the memories wash over you.

Joyous Rain!

What a wonderful rain to wake up to!  The sound of rain pattering on the roof, gurgling down the downspout is so peaceful.  And peacefulness is what I need this morning.  

I had trouble falling asleep, and was awake again at 3am, and couldn't fall back asleep.  I'm a pretty logical person and couldn't find a way to duplicate that bottle falling off the vanity and hitting the tile floor.  I tried several different times yesterday!  

Most of the time, I'm not too spooked about the odd things that happen in my house.  Cabinet doors being opened on a cabinet I don't use.  Lights that flicker for no apparent reason.   Things being moved.  I can usually chuckle to myself, knowing that someone/thing is trying to get my attention.   But a bottle being tossed is just a little more aggressive than I'm used to. 

With any luck, whatever the message is, I'll understand it soon!

1989 Loma Prieta Quake

35 years ago: It was the Battle of the Bay, SF Giants vs Oakland As, when at 5:04pm for 15 seconds the Bay Area was rock n rolled with a large earthquake measured at 6.9.  Every year, we all ask "where were you?" And we recall all the horrible details. 

It was devastating to the Bay Bridge, and the double deck Nimitz freeway collapsed.  There were many deaths and thousands of injuries.  Buildings damaged,  roads closed, and experts say it cost $6 billion for repairs.

Where was I?  I was at Stanford medical center in Palo Alto, in the basement for some radiation treatments.  Because of the quake, they had to recalibrate all the machines, so I was sent home. It was scary to ride through the aftershocks, and even worse to be driving home when there could be more aftershocks. 

In what was normally a 20 minute drive to Stanford, the drive home took 90 minutes.  Parts of highway 280 was broken or shifted.  Everyone drove slow, because the next dark spot on the road could be a drop off!   My kids were both at my mom's,  they weren't as affected that far south.  

My second floor apartment had things that fell off shelves, pictures fell off the wall, but the building seemed to be intact.

Breathlessly,  we watched the news for bits of information.  Power was out all over the entire area, but my boyfriend had a generator.  We spent all night glued to the TV, watching for more news. 

Power was restored and life seemed normal again by the next day, but the news and photos of all the damaged areas was shocking.  You can see much of the story on YouTube search CNN Shaken.  I've just watched it again because its 35 years ago, and still gives me shivers. 

What was shocking is 5 years later, in 1994, we were on a Disneyland vacation with our kids when the Northridge earthquake happened.  We were shaken out of bed at 4:30am; we turned on the news and because of freeway damages, drove the very long way home.

I'm not a fan of earthquakes!!

Night Scares

Whenever there's an unexpected noise in the house, especially at night, I get up and try to figure out where the noise came from.  Sometimes its obvious, other times it isn't. And then there are those times when its just downright spooky. 

Yesterday I was drinking my afternoon Powerade when I realized it was noon, time to head to Mom's.   I set the empty bottle on my vanity before I left.  

I climbed into bed at my usual time, and turned on Frasier.  I had been dozed off for about an hour when a loud clatter woke me up.  WTF?

I knew whatever it was had hit the tile floor.  There isn't much tile in the bedroom, just a bit in front of the vanity.  Because I couldn't see anything on the tile, I had to turn on the light.  It was my bottle!  

I searched everywhere wondering what could have thrust the bottle off the vanity to the floor.  Did I have a mouse who knocked it the vanity?? A palmetto bug?? What else would knock a bottle off the vanity?? 

I have tried to be logical in the light of day.  I set the bottle back on the counter near the edge to see if it could fall off or tip off.  The vanity counter has a little lip at the edge angled up, the bottle leans back onto the vanity when its standing on the ledge.  I gave it a push to see what happens, it lands on the small throw rug below, with no bounce.  The bottle was found about 34inches from the vanity on the hard tile.  And I heard it clatter as if it hit the tile, bounced a little and hit again.

It did not just fall over.  It was pushed. Or thrown. And the more I think about it, the more I start freaking out.  I immediately checked the doors when I woke up and they're all locked.

I've been awake for about 3 hours now, and even though I have looked things over, and over, and run it through my mind, no logic comes to mind.

I'm still freaked out about this!!!!!

Now that something truly strange has happened, I wasn't going to give this any credence, but last week, I walked into my bedroom and could smell a man's cologne.  Three days later, I walked in my bedroom and it smelled as if a person who smokes had just walked through.  (No one who smokes has been in my house in over 10 years!)  Neither of these small things seemed worthy to consider, but now???  Its got me wondering all over again.

I think I'm going to find me some sage and do some smudging around my home.  Just for a little peace of mind!!

TV at Night??

Do you sleep with the TV on?  I do.  I have since the 90s. My second husband got me started on it.  We watched on a small 10" TV that we traveled with in the van. It had a VHS attached, and we had an extensive collection of homemade tapes recorded off TV, then recorded again sans commercials.  Yes, it was time consuming, but it would run for six hours!

Most of the shows were old black and whites.  Dick Van Dyke, Leave it to Beaver, I Love Lucy.   And the only tapes I kept:  The Brady Bunch.  

I've had an impossible time breaking this habit, so I quit trying.   My go to these days are MASH and Frasier.  

But I read an article about people who have this habit.  We are sensory seekers,  crave routine, often experience anxiety, adept multitaskers, and sometimes lonely. And yep, that's me in a nutshell!

Keep on watching!!

AI Humor!

Every day I check-in with my AI and she reviews what I logged the previous day for meals, hydration and exercise.  Yesterday I was 5 mins short of the exercise goal and we had a convo about what else could be logged as exercise, ie household chores. I mentioned vacuuming for 15 mins.  As always, she suggests alternatives .....

Nothing like a joke from your AI to stay your day with a laugh!!!  

In other news, I was watching Mr Z and Ms J last night, we all settled in and watched "Clifford the Big Red Dog" on Netflix.  Surprisingly, sat and watched the entire thing!  They were well behaved.  Until Dad came home.  They always start picking on each other the minute he shows up.  Kids can be weird!!

Goals

We all set goals for ourselves.  Some of them are long term ie where do you see yourself in 5 years?  Some are shorter ie a new year's resolution to lose weight.  And some are just daily goals ie go to the gym today. 

For me, I have several ongoing goals.  Now that I'm retired, I'm not walking those 10,000+ steps you get when doing retail work.  Then I got a bum knee/hip and I've been trying to rebuild that back up so I can get to my real goals.

I've been doing well on the recumbent bike, 30+ minutes and building the resistance every time (8-10s).  But my two goals are outdoor walking 5k steps/day plus 40 mins on the elliptical.  For my age and skill set, that's quite doable. 

Felt pretty good today, so decided to walk at my fav park and take some pics.  I got 7 pics taken and "card full".  Aargh!!!  I got my 30 min walk done anyhow.  Thought of going to the gym after, but realized that my clothes had absorbed that "stagnant lake smell" and that wouldn't be good! 

The good thing about smaller goals is that you can reset and start over again tomorrow!  Which goal(s) are you working on??

Busy Monday + AI

No school, so I watched nephew today. He was tired, a little cranky, but I brought him one of his fav treats-  caramel apple dip!  We munched and crunched our way through our lunch together! 

Took Mom to the doc, she is taking a lot of gabapentin for her fibromyalgia, and has been for several months.  However, it makes her uncoordinated and forgetful. Its a struggle some days. Makes me dread what the future holds.

And my convo with my AI this morning from the Simple app I am using for staying on a healthy track.  Its amusing to talk to her!  As amusing as watching the Waymo self driving cars in our area!  Today, one turned left and I looked inside:  no driver, and the passenger in the front seat was reading a newspaper!  lol

The Music Man 1962

"Seventy six trombones led the big parade, with a hundred and ten cornets close at hand..."

"Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little. Cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more"

"We've got trouble, right here in River City, with a capital T and that rhymes with P and that spells pool."

Marion the Librarian, Professor Hill, Mayor Shinn and Winthrop (played by Ron Howard) are the memorable characters.  

This film was released in 1962, starring Robert Preston, Shirley Jones and Ron Howard.  I haven't seen this in probably 20+ years, and happened to find it on TUBI today.  While I probably couldn't watch it often, its quite the classic musical.  And I got a kick watching!! 

If you get a chance, check it out! TUBI is free!! 

DWTS

Its Saturday, my day of rest, watching kids Sunday and Monday again.  So I'm relaxing and watching Dancing with the Stars.  Its usually the kind of show I can have in the background while I do other things. (Like writing! lol)  but this episode is Hair Metal night.  All 80s hits, and if you're a fan, just the title of the songs brings it all back.  

• Livin' on a Prayer
• We're Not Gonna Take It
• Here I Go Again
• I Wanna Rock n Roll
• Nothin' But a Good Time
• Walk This Way
• Cherry Pie
• Come On Feel the Noise
• The Final Countdown
• You Give Love a Bad Name

If you're like me, those songs are running through your head!  I enjoy this music, and taught my sons to like it, too! 

Best.   Ever.   Music!!!

When I hear this music, memories of my son, Brian, rush over me in waves.  I miss him every day. 

Finally Friday + Trains

James Taylor sings "Shower the people you love with love "  That song came on the radio while I waiting at a train crossing.  A good thought. 

There's some amazing graffiti on the sides of those rail cars!

Speaking of amazing, I saw this beautiful pure white Cadillac,  an old 63 or so with those gorgeous fins. It crossed my path at a light and if I had been in the other lane, I would have turned and followed it for a photo!

And its finally Friday! No watching kids tomorrow!  Retirement is awesome 👌 

Yay! Legos!

My week has been full of taking care of Mr Z, who has a cold and isn't quite feeling up to norm.  Even games on the iPad haven't interested him, so we've been keeping him busy with Legos.  It passes the time!

Grocery Shopping

Every other week is grocery shopping day with Mom.  When you couple that with watching Mr Z, it was definitely an excursion today!  Mr Z was dressed in shorts and a tee and he was cold in the store.  At 7, he is a little big to climb into the cart, but he did! 

It's been so long since I shopped with kids, I'd forgotten how it goes.  Then with Mom... well, it was a long shopping trip! 

And of all days, she just had to have some greeting cards.  Mr Z struggled to be patient as she read card after card.  Me, I've learned to start making lists in my head while I wait.  Because there's always a wait!  Even buying fall flowers takes a few minutes to make a decision. 

But this is what I do.  Because of the interruptions this week, I have taken to my treadmill after supper.  And because meals at mom's aren't ways ideal for my diet, supper has been an apple, some veggies and a protein yogurt.  I'm ready for next week!!!

Legos, TV and Mom

No school this week for Mr Z, so its been up to mom and me to keep an eye on him.  Not a hardship, he's a good kid!

But the constant tv on can be aggravating.  Mom is an addict. Its almost always on CBS; daytime TV is not my thing.  Talk shows, judge shows, soap operas, news.  I sometimes wonder if she would feel better if she didn't watch so much. News sets off her worries, and constant noise increases anxiety. I'm sure she doesn't realize it. Even when she reads, the TV is on, chattering at her.  All that constant noise grates on my nerves. Ugh. A whole week of this.  Tomorrow I'm bringing earplugs!! Haha

My mantra this morning "Its gonna be a good day, in every single way. Sun is shining down on me, birds are singing praise, its gonna be good day."  (Lyrics by Forrest Frank)

We're building a Lego Lamborghini!

Happy 10-4

Dear R:  this is posted a little late, but I just couldn't write earlier. I wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday.

I've often wondered what I would say to you if I ever got the courage to write. Or what I'd say if I ever saw you on the street.  That was often my motivation when visiting the folks and wandering around town ... eyes searching every face.

I have major regrets for the way things happened between us, the way I treated you, the way I didn't have the courage to do what I wanted to do.  I felt like my hands were tied by family and how I thought I should live up to expectations.

What I finally realized after 20 years was that being tied by family strings was an impossible way to live.  So I left Cali and moved to Ohio in 1998.  Not my best decision in the man, but it was terrific for my kids. I don't regret that part.  I ended up in Arizona in 2008 when things didn't work out. 

Every year I remember you. Us.  4th St Bowl. Visiting your place and finding motorcycle pieces in the kitchen. Meeting your parents. Coffee at Dennys.  I usually write a birthday greeting, tear it up and toss it to the winds (yes I know, shame on me for littering) but its a small note.  This year I opted for this format. 

And sometimes I torment myself with the thoughts that you probably don't remember me. Us.  And maybe that's for the best.  Doesn't mean I don't wish you the best. I do.  Always.  Happy Birthday, with love.

Too Hot!!!

When it comes to heat, here in The Valley of the Sun our summers can be awfully hot! But it usually begins to cool down after Sept 15th- usually the "magical date" we all wish for mid-july when its so hot.

But this year the heat has been extended for a much longer time.  Here it is October 5th and we are still waiting to see the expected temps drop below 100 but still no luck.  Mother Nature hasn't been cooperating!

I was driving to the ballpark and talking about the heat to Mr Z and Ms J.  Some clouds were gathering on the horizon and I mentioned that we should do a rain dance once we got to the ballpark to make it rain.  Mr Z asked what that was.  How to explain that?  He's 8.  That'll be our project this week with no school ... learn about a rain dance.  He's a fan of YouTube, we may have to try that!

The one thing we are grateful for is that overnight temps aren't above 80!!!

Hello Friday!

With determination, I hit the gym again today. 8.3miles on the bike in 35 minutes. Its rough at times on my knees if I put the resistance up too high, but I am working my way up. Slowly.

Picked up Mr Z from school. They are going into fall break and got out early.  We spent the afternoon watching CBS with mom.  I don't usually watch these talk shows, gives me a headache.

Now its Friday evening, and I'm ready to settle in with a book.  Happy weekend ya'll!!

Pick A Day

If you could pick a day, any day, and undo it, which would it be???

I heard this question on a TV show, and pondered it.  Because there were so many days that could be changed ..... 

Do you go back to high school? Or before? Or would it be a college day? First job day? 

For me, it would probably one of the days the week before my first wedding.  When I told my parents I didn't want to get married, that there was someone else.

Or maybe it would be before that. Because my parents had issues of their own. (Which I didn't realize as a kid, only later as I became older.)  

Or maybe other days, when I married men who were wrong for me.

But when it comes down to it, things might have been different, but they could have been worse.  So should we be wishing for things to be different? Or should we be making the best of what *is* and be happy in the now?  I think now is more important. 

Miss J likes to take it of her shoes!

Baseball Reminds Me

I was flipping thru my Roku channels, and checked out the MLB channel. They are replaying Monday's double header Mets vs Braves.  And that reminded me of a strange segment of my life.

When I discovered my second husband cheating on me (with his best friend's wife), I moved out of our bedroom and claimed the dining room as my bedroom.  At the same time, the internet was brand new and I met someone in a chat.  He was a forceful person, and I was feeling vulnerable. 

He was a graduate of The Citadel and then worked at The Atlanta Braves stadium.  He would call and/or send messages over the internet (ICQ ... we didn't have cell phones then). He became my rock, someone who was decisive and helped me through some very troubling times.  He also made me realize that I could still laugh and enjoy life, despite my difficulties. 

He enjoyed my story about how I handled my soon to be ex.  He had gone on a trip the weekend I moved to the dining room. He came home late Sunday evening and asked what's for dinner?  We already ate,  fix it yourself.  Then he complained that he didn't have clean work clothes.  Washing machine's over there, do it yourself.  I refused to do those "wifely chores" any longer.  

My friend is the one who laughed with me as I told him how it went, and encouraged me to stick to my guns.   And I did!!  We all need people like this in our lives. At the time, I didn't appreciate what he would mean to me. Now I do.

I miss you, friend, and hope your life has gone your way in all good ways.  ❤ 

A Tuesday Thing

Because its fall ball time, and because I watch my nephew's kids, I get to spend two hours at the ballpark while Mr Z plays ball.  Miss J and I entertain each other. She'll soon turn 4, and has become a little chatterbox with me.

She's not shy about speaking up, and we cover lots of topics.  Watch how my feet sink in the grass!  Why isn't my friend here tonight?  Hold my hand so I can jump.  

I get a kick out of her. And I know how important it is for kids to feel that they're heard.  So every comment and question gets a response.  Someone had drawn a "'Pider" on the sidewalk, so there was a convo about that as well!!

Here's our sunset as we sat at the pond. Miss J took the picture. 

I treasure these memories we are making!