Happy 10-4

Dear R:  this is posted a little late, but I just couldn't write earlier. I wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday.

I've often wondered what I would say to you if I ever got the courage to write. Or what I'd say if I ever saw you on the street.  That was often my motivation when visiting the folks and wandering around town ... eyes searching every face.

I have major regrets for the way things happened between us, the way I treated you, the way I didn't have the courage to do what I wanted to do.  I felt like my hands were tied by family and how I thought I should live up to expectations.

What I finally realized after 20 years was that being tied by family strings was an impossible way to live.  So I left Cali and moved to Ohio in 1998.  Not my best decision in the man, but it was terrific for my kids. I don't regret that part.  I ended up in Arizona in 2008 when things didn't work out. 

Every year I remember you. Us.  4th St Bowl. Visiting your place and finding motorcycle pieces in the kitchen. Meeting your parents. Coffee at Dennys.  I usually write a birthday greeting, tear it up and toss it to the winds (yes I know, shame on me for littering) but its a small note.  This year I opted for this format. 

And sometimes I torment myself with the thoughts that you probably don't remember me. Us.  And maybe that's for the best.  Doesn't mean I don't wish you the best. I do.  Always.  Happy Birthday, with love.