Tuesday

Today. 6am. A text from my nephew, can you check on the dogs, I forgot to check their water.   ✔️ 

10am, text from mom, she has "so much pain" and what can she do??  Um, I'm not a doctor and I can't answer that. She could take an extra bit of Tramadol but she won't without doctor permission. Call her pain management doctor to see if they will call back.  *sigh*  

So now here I sit, all day, uncomfortable. Thankfully, I packed my meals.  And I didn't tell her there's an overnight bag in the car.  Just in case.  Because she's been leaning this way all week.

I get so frustrated because she doesn't seem to be able to .... for lack of a better word, help herself. She doesn't seem to know self soothing techniques.  Even when I am here, once she starts the shallow breathing that comes in an anxiety attack, she can't slow her breathing.  And always says "that's just how I am".  

And it definitely became a spend the night event.  Not that I can help. I'm just here.  She keeps expecting me to do something. But there's nothing I can do. And it makes my guts ache. And I wonder if something is going on with me.  I need to remember to take care of me.