A few years back, it seemed easier for me to think of topics to write about. Tonight, as I sit here at the keyboard, I started wondering "What changed?" and "Why did it change?" I'm not sure I have the answer to that. Because I blame a part of it as a result of Covid-19. Other than necessary trips, we're not going places, we're not doing things we used to do. I don't know about you, but I feel like it's made me feel more like a hermit, or couch potato, and less than I used to be.
Of course I realize that a big part of my own changes are due to age. I can feel little bits of me slipping a notch or two lower than I used to be on the scale of doing things, of thinking things. And another large part has to do with my relationships with other people around me. I deal with people during my long work day that I don't care to deal with. Let me give you an example. I know that as a supervisor at work, it's my job to be like Switzerland: neutral in so many ways I have a gal on my team who .... overshares details about things going on in her life. And it makes me feel as if I'm being used as a bucket.
And now you're probably thinking ... a bucket??? Here's now I see it. We all carry a bucket full of worries. When we share our worries with someone, it's as if we poured a bit of our worries from our own bucket into the other person's bucket. Granted, we all do that from time to time, sharing with someone who cares about us. But how far does that carry over? This gal likes to tell me things about her grown daughter's boyfriend's daughter. That's a little far removed from caring about the gal on my team for me personally.
I know that I often have thoughts that flit through my brain as a topic to write about, but by the time my work day has finished, I don't have it in me to remember my thought. Or else so much has happened, that it pushed that thought out of my mind.
Another thing that pushes thoughts out of my mind is after a full work day, the first thing I do each day is to call my mother. She just turned 83, and this Covid-19 thing means she's home alone all day, every day. By the time 4pm rolls around, she's ready to give me an earful and then some. I'm trying to find a way to work around some of it. But it's not always easy. She's been wanting a Covid vaccine, but working through the computer web sites to register for one is beyond her. And since she lives in another state, making arrangements for her to drive herself somewhere unfamiliar just doesn't work. Someone else needs to drive her. Registering for her flu shot last fall was a nightmare; once it was set up, I had to locate someone to drive her there. We're going to have to work on a solution for this.
I have asked myself if I purposely sit down in front of the computer, will I become better at being more aware of thoughts that I have throughout the day and actually remember things I want to write about? That's a good possibility and perhaps something I need to work on. *adding this note to calendar as I type*
I think being aware of ourselves, and the tiny changes that happen to us as we get older, or as situations change, is important. Knowing that we're changing could make a big difference in keeping those changes from affecting our lives. And for me, that's a very important thing!
