i hate change ...

... and this is the biggest one yet!  I used to rebel against changes at work.  I've always been one of those who says, if it ain't broke,  don't fix it.

Now I'm having to navigate social security websites, new health insurance and Medicare websites.  Along with these, I will need to revamp my own bill paying system.  All those little things, all changes, and they add up!

All these changes.

And at the moment, I'm not sure I can actually afford to live on social security.  Then again, do I really need to make my last years about saving money to pass down??  Maybe I can relearn some of the tricks I used to use when I was living lean with 2 kids to support.  

Meatless spaghetti, anyone???  

In Control or Controlling?

Most of the time I feel as if I am in control of life, of things around me.  I've been married before to the controlling type and I like to think I'm much more laid back than that.  If not laid back entirely, at least easy going.

But today I'm restless.  I don't feel like things are .... where they need to be. I'm retired. Its weird for me.  I can go to the gym. I could go out and take pix.  I could ... do so many things.  

I was the kind of person who didn't call out from work and say my car broke down when I really had something I wanted to do instead.  I believed that lying about your car, or being sick, meant that karma would somehow come around and it would really happen.  

But I feel guilty at the moment for not working.  I visited my store, and the dept where I worked so hard for 16 years to stay on top of was a huge shambles of a mess.  I wanted to cry first. Then thought I should jump in and help get caught up, but nope.  Not my job.  That's the part where the controlling comes in. MY dept, MY way.  I guess I assumed (incorrectly) that I had taught them how it needs to be done.

At the moment I feel guilty about being able to do the things I want to do.  I've never had this before!  So I'm feeling a little lost for the time being.

Maybe if I spend some time housecleaning - like a deep spring clean - I might feel better about things.  Because I need to feel in control. 

PS: the sunsets are amazing when there is a little bit of cloud cover!  I like summer monsoons!!