Finding My Way

Some days I just go through the motions:  work, eat, sleep, with a couple of errands in between the mundane.  But I have moments where I know that's not enough "life" for me, or for anyone.  I try my hand at a few hobbies to give me purpose, and joy.  I paint rocks as part of the Kindness Rocks movement to leave around town and that lets me be creative and also brings smiles to other people.  That's a good thing.    I take my walks around town in the local parks, sometimes taking photos and that feeds my creativity and walking is good exercise.  Another good thing.  

And yet I still feel something missing. 

Sometimes I find myself getting into a writing mode where I can sit down and write here on the blog, or maybe just working on a creative writing story.  Sometimes I try to challenge myself:  write every day, walk every day, paint every day.  Because doing things keeps me going. 

I enjoy my job but get bogged down in the day to day crap that seems to go around; it's an effort to take myself out of all of that.  But when I do that, I'm also perceived as being "The Bitch" .....  but I can't be a fake me with all the smiling and asking how someone is every day.  Because I'm that person at work who if I say "How are you?"  most of them proceed to tell me exactly how they are, and I really don't want to know because I have issues of my own to deal with.  *sigh*   sometimes you just can't win.

So I go through my days and time passes as I muddle through my hobbies and my household chores or my work day.  Sometimes I convince myself that I have many things left in me that need to be said before I'm no longer here on Earth.  Other times I figure no one really needs to hear my silly ramblings.  

Time to take myself off to bed - another fun filled work day tomorrow, then I'm off for two days! WooHoo.

Ooops! I Slipped!

We all slip.  It can be disappointing, but it's not the end of the world.  That's what I'm telling myself today.    Because I slipped.

My self challenge of having a better mental attitude at work went down the drain today.  Another of my team called out sick.  Because I didn't complete all of Monday's tasks, I was starting the day behind the 8-ball, and another call out just added to it.  I could barely hold my thoughts behind the tongue I was biting all day long. 

Even the customers were getting on my nerves today!  I was trying to straighten up the clearance aisle (because that's my task 3xday) and a very inconsiderate customer parked her cart in the middle of the aisle halfway down.  So I did what I could up to where she was but she didn't look like she was going to budge.  So I finally grabbed my equipment and headed back to grab more items for clearance.  When I got back to my clearance aisle, she was gone and I let out a huge sigh of relief.  But that relief only lasted about minutes before she came back.  With her adult daughter pushing a second cart.  They both parked again and just stood there.  Again, I worked as far as I could, then grabbed my equipment and headed to the back again.  I was so frustrated by this point that I grabbed my Kindle and headed out the door, walked across the parking lot, and headed to Wendy's for lunch!  

I decided to leave the clearance aisle until I get back to it on Thursday!!!  

Some days, I just can't seem to keep my mind on the part of mental attitude where I don't get upset over specifics!  Yes.  Some days are harder than others, and we all slip now and then.   And because I slipped, I'm not going to feel guilty, I'm just going to try to make the next day a better day!