Sun Dog

Here in the Valley of the Sun, we don't often see a sun dog.  Tonight, as I sat on the patio watching the sun set lower in the sky, I looked up and boom. There it was!!

Nice to have an extra boost as I have been caring for mom, who caught the norovirus making its way around.  She was quite ill, and we called in a nurse who gave her an IV with a boost of vitamins.  Definitely helped her!  I would do that again!!!   Beats hauling her off to an ER to get it done.  Cuz you can't do much with gastroenteritis except manage things. 

Dashed home today as I needed some clean clothes.  I keep stuff here, just in case, but those were used up last week when I was ill.  Guess I need to be sorting things out and stashing stuff here again.

Where You Spray!

In my quest to get better, get over this gastroenteritis, I ran around yesterday spraying Lysol on whatever I thought I had touched the two days before I caught this.  However, I made one error.  I sprayed the doorknob on the front door.

I left to pick up my groceries and when I came home, I noticed a weird pattern all over my front door.  I grabbed a wet towel and tried to wash it, but no change. *sigh*  maybe yesterday's sun caused the splatter.

Looks like I need to locate some paint! Ugh. Be careful where you spray!!!

Holiday: Over!!

And just like that, the holidays are over.  Its a relief for me; has been for many years.  Putting all of it away for another year lifts a burden, and I'm happy to put things back to rights in the house.  I'm sure my plant is happy to have the sunshine back!!

Mom called and she caught my flu. A news flash says the norovirus is causing virulent stomach flu and ... it caught up with us.  

To combat this, I ordered my groceries for pickup today so I don't need to wander the store and expose myself, since I'm certain my immune system is not up to par.  But a little more rest and maybe I will have this all in the past.

I hope none of you catch this thing, its awful!

Flu Season

Flu, or influenza, is an infection of the lungs, throat, nose. And yet I've often called it flu when its a stomach bug.  And I got me a humdinger of a bug on Christmas day.  I don't think ham and baked po will be on the menu in the upcoming month or two! 

It took me two days of recovery at mom's,  all I did was lay in bed.  I was cold, then hot, turn on heating pad, turn it off and toss the covers, only to shover and grab the heating pad again.  I could only tolerate a mouthful of water every 30 mins or so.  I forced myself to dress and drive home on Friday because I needed to be in my own bed.  And while I was happy to be home, it dawned on me at 2am that if my gastrointestinal bug was still here, I'd have to do some major cleaning.  Where's the can of Lysol???

I fear this could be a longer recovery than I expect, as this morning I woke up extremely queasy again. *sigh*

But are you like me? You catch something and you start backtracking in your mind where you could have picked something up?  I got groceries early Sunday morning, had family dinner Sunday evening, then was home alone for the next two days. Went to Christmas Eve services Tuesday evening.  In all that... who knows. I still suspect food poisoning.  

In the meantime, more rest, plenty of fluids, and deep cleaning in-between naps and more naps.  *grabs the Lysol*  Thank God I'm retired and don't have to consider going to work, too!  

Be well!  Don't catch a bug this season!!

Merry Christmas!

May your Christmas be joyous!

Last night, I took my mother to church for Christmas Eve service.  And it brought me way back.  I grew up going to church, we always went to services.  The sweetest thing was holding a lit candle and singing Silent Night. 

As an adult, I changed church and started singing in the choir at Bethel.  Our choir was about 100 strong, the church could hold about 3000 people.  Standing in the choir, we were able to see the light spread as the flame was passed from person to person. It was beautiful!

And tonight, we did the same thing, and sang.  Its better when its your home church, but it was still good.

May the blessings of the Lord be upon 

you and your family this Holiday season.

Christmas Season

I got up this morning and so wanted to take all the Christmas stuff down.  Where does the feeling of "this is too much" come from?

All the Christmas trappings, the expectations, are too much. We live in a world where if you want or need something, you just buy it.  So trying to think about a gift for a person becomes a burden because you know that if they wanted it, needed it, they already had it. And the little other gifts .... I call them knick knacks .... is there really any meaning behind them?

Maybe thats what gift giving should be more about, the meaning.  When there's love, the gift has more meaning.  

I get all churned up with holidays.  I have continually blamed it on working retail. While that definitely impacted me (and still does), the worst impact was the death of my son.  There is nothing I have found to combat against it.  And holidays makes it worse. 

So I struggle through these days with a lesser joy than I used to have. With mom here, I don't have the luxury of doing what I want, when I want it, so I muddle and struggle through the days.  Through her expectations.  And wish it was January already.

Without Guilt

One of the nicest parts of being retired is the joy of being able to lounge around.  Without guilt.  I think that's the best part!!

When you're busy scrambling through your day with work, chores, errands and home, finding time for yourself is difficult, and usually only nets you a few moments.

Today, I immersed myself in a book about an island and magic and got caught up.  Before I knew it, I looked at the clock and it was after 10!  

The nicest part is it was without guilt that I indulged myself today.  Being able to do that is the nicest gift I could give myself!

Travels

So its Saturday and almost Christmas. I decided last minute to give my daughter the rocking chair I used to rock her in when she was a baby.  (Yes, 42 years ago!) Now she can rock her granddaughter in it! 

But I couldn't get it in my little Cruze. So I opted to rent an SUV for the trip. When I arrived this morning, they didn't have one. The guy offered to upgrade me no charge if I would take the Tacoma. 

Looking at it from across the parking lot and I said Sure! But when we stepped out and walked toward it, I was like whoa.  Mom's never gonna be able to step into it!  It must have had some kind of upgrade to handle huge knobby tires and such.

I loaded it up, drove over to get mom and I was right. She couldn't get in! We had to get a folding chair to take with us to help her get in and out.  lol. It was hilarious!

Glad to have the chore done!  ✔ Another commitment to family to remember.

PS: it was a good ride, smoother than I expected, pretty easy to handle!

Chores

I raised my two kids and four stepkids with the concept of chores - every one needs to do chores.  Kids need to learn to do things on their own to make them successful adults. They need to pitch in and know the value of teamwork.  Families stay close when you balance chores and fun.  And IMO, people of all ages need to feel needed. 

That being said, we watched Mr Z and it was a gorgeous day in the Valley of the Sun, so we decided to wash my car.  He'd never helped wash a car before, so we hauled out the hose, filled a bucket with soap and water to make some suds and got to work. Personally, I think he liked playing with the hose more than anything.  What 7 year old doesn't?

But what made me chuckle is when I picked him up from school.  We walked to my car, and he looked it over and said, "Man, we just washed the car and now the birds have pooped all over it. Again."  Hehehe he has a way about him!  

Frosty, et al

Christmas TV shows ..... as a kid I can remember checking the TV Guide and planning the week of TV shows so we could watch Frosty the Snowman, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the Peanuts special, and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  

Today, Mr Z informed me he knows the Frosty song,  but had never seen the TV show.  So I pulled up HULU and we watched.  He chuckled over the rabbit named Hocus-Pocus !!

The Frosty show was created in 1969, 55 years ago.  Where does the time go??  Its the little memories like these that make me smile!

Christmas Programs

Tonight is Mr Z's Christmas program at school.  And it brings back so many memories!  

My first program was in first grade.  I had an adorable new outfit.  It was a white pleated skirt and baby blue sweater set.  I was practicing with my classmates and mom had to come back and get me. I couldn't go on stage .... I had terrible stage fright!  

I can remember going to see my brother's first kindergarten program.  He was the only kid on stage who left his beanie on!

Them my own kids each did this kind of thing ... they attended the same elementary school i had attended. I remember feeling odd being a parent in the same cafeteria!!!  My son Brian's first program, after it was done, we looked everywhere for him.  He had climbed up on stage and was entertaining folks! 

I had many more memories from my step kids.  Dougie even had a solo in 7th grade. J was so proud!

Family memories are best!!

New Job

Today is the first day, but not my first time, picking up Mr Z from school.  This is my new job.  The pay is $0 but the reward is better.  Seeing his smile when the bell rings is priceless!

My nephew starts his academy training today, and sent me a text with his new badge.  My sister would be so proud!

I made arrangements to see my daughter and family on Saturday.  I'm renting an SUV to drive, just because I can.  

And I cooked all morning, prepping meals for myself for this week.  Pasta, veggies, chicken and beef.  I may have to pick up some fruit, I wasn't concentrating when I shopped for groceries!  Maybe I should start making a list!

Another commitment checked off ✔ Happy Monday!

An Early Start

Once deciding "commitment" was going to be my word for this next year, I got an early start.  I decided to tackle my kitchen cupboard ... the one I use several times a day.  

It has been my goal to stop using plastics and stick with glass.  I've slowly transitioned over, and took the final step to ditch those plastics.  I did keep 6 squares with lids in case I'm sharing meals.  That way if I don't get them back,  no biggie.

Why is it so hard to part with things that we no longer need?  I grew up with a mom who always saved everything because it might be useful at some point.  Guess that rubbed off on me as I tend to do the same, but with less guilt about tossing things.

I was going to post a before then after photo, but my pride wouldn't let me.  Haha

Just as an added note, I cleaned out two closets and took two garbage bags and a box to Goodwill.  Sometimes its nice to lighten the load!

Souvenir Spoons

Way back in the 80s, I collected souvenir spoons.  Why?  I think I wanted something small that would be an indicator of where I'd been.  Most of them are from states, some are more specific to a place (ie Disneyland).

I thought I had gotten rid of them in the moves I made between then and now,  from San Jose to Santa Clara to Hamilton to Trotwood to Gilbert to Mesa.  I just found them today while deep cleaning the kitchen.  It brought back memories, but I boxed them up and stuck them in the cedar chest of memories.

I stopped buying spoons in the late 90s and switched to refrigerator magnets!

Commitment

In 2022 my focus word for the year was accountability.

In 2023 my focus word for the year was purpose.

In 2024 my focus word for the year was intentional.

Now I need to choose this year's word. 

And I'm choosing commitment. 

I sometimes struggle with making a commitment, even to myself, because I often fall short of following through. In order to make this choice a success, I plan to start with smaller commitments. The first one being to myself in going to the gym.  Because its needed. And because I feel better when I go. I will struggle, and won't beat myself up for it, I will just renew my commitment.  

For me, choosing a word, rather than a new years resolution, works better.  

Bah Humbug

Its been a few days, and I haven't written because I got lost in a funk.  I was certain that this being the first year I didn't work holiday in retail, that I would be able to enjoy them.  Not.  

So the problem wasn't just the holiday crap at work, a part of it is me.  There's not much I enjoy about the holidays any longer, and can probably pinpoint it to the first Christmas I was alone for the holidays. 

 I had separated from my husband in August (97) and my kids were going to AZ to be with their dad.  So it was my first holiday alone.  Growing up we had standing traditions that never changed.  So on Christmas Eve I loaded packages in the car and headed over to Mom's to drop them off and head to church with them. Only I was informed that they weren't going to church, they were invited to my sister's.  Ok, I said, and left.

I spent Christmas Day at the local pool hall, sipping beers and shooting pool with other folks who were alone for the holiday.  I was grateful there was work the next day. 

Life can become so complicated at times.  My mother has no clue.  So I blame it on working retail and let it go.

Bah Humbug.

Christmas Decor Blues

For 23 years, I worked retail, and that means the holidays sucked.  Looking at decor all day long, being extremely busy each day, made for a mindset of not decorating my own home.  I thought this year would be different.

I dragged down my tree and set it up. Then I pulled out my ornaments.  A few got onto the tree, but my living room is scattered  with the rest of the mess because I have two different kinds of ornaments.  The larger ones from when my kids were growing up, as we had a full size tree.  And now a small tree means smaller sized ornaments.  *sigh*

Then there are presents to wrap.  

Not to mention 24/7 Christmas tunes in radio stations.  When you work retail, they play those things all day long. 9 hours or more every day is what we heard in store.  Now that radio stations are doing it, I loaded my mp3s in the car.   I just can't take it.

I had high hopes for this holiday season, but I had too much retail....  yuck.  

I'm ready for January.

Nephew Pride!

My nephew is an awesome guy. He was a body builder and competed 10 years ago. Since then, he has been a trainer and recruiter at the gym.  When someone walks in, they all want to look like him! He's 6'3" , built and handsome.   But the gym life isn't the career for him. 

He wants to be a policeman like his dad.  And after what seemed like a hundred interviews and such, he made it today!

I remember driving in Santa Clara.  I was heading home from work, heading up over the railroad tracks on San Tomas Expressway, in the commuter lane.  My kids were in the back seat.  And the next thing I knew, those telltale flashing blue and red lights were lit up behind me.  With no place to pull over, I continued down the hill, turned right and pulled into the church parking lot.  My kids were MORTIFIED!  "What did you do wrong, Mom?" Nothing, it's your uncle! They couldn't believe it, and wouldn't get out of the car to greet him!   I stood there laughing, shaking my head!

What a memory!  And now, sending prayers to cover my nephew in his new career! Congrats!!

Are. You. Happy.

Are you happy?  Such an interesting question that brings so many things to mind.  And truth be told, not an easy question to answer.

I was watching Frasier (1993) and Niles asked the question.  And it made me think .... what makes a person truly happy?

When I was young,  it was so easy to believe that I would be happy being married, being a mom.  Those things happened and yes. I was happy, in the larger scheme of things.  

Being happy isn't a goal you can think of and reach for.  Being happy is the little extra on the side of reaching goals.  I always told myself I wanted to own my own home by the time I was 50.  I reached that goal, bought my first home the year I turned 50.  And that was very happy!  

But now its 15 years later, and time to rethink the question, "are you happy?"

I have to admit, being retired is a good happy!  It's not what I imagined in my mind when I was younger, but its still pretty good!  Now, I just have to remember that happy is the little things that come along, to notice those things and appreciate the happiness inside those little moments.  Helping my nephew with his kids, helping Mom now that she lives here, and learning to find happiness in the little things.  (Like naps!!) 

So ask yourself, Are You Happy??

Because Somebody Prayed

Because Somebody Prayed is a song that's been playing on KLove lately,  and it reminded me of something.   When I worked retail, on a busy, stressful day, my manager and I were working on some boxes, and chatting, the way you do.  He stopped and looked at me, and reached a hand toward my bangs.  I thought maybe he was going to brush away some lint, or a bug.  

Instead, he made the sign of a cross on my forehead.  I didn't say anything, just looked at him. He had a look of concentration on his face.  I know he was praying for me. 

How often have you prayed for someone? Or had someone pray for you?  There are times when we don't know if or when someone prays for us.  My grandmother often told me she was praying for me.  As a teen, I didn't claim much comfort from that thought.  

But now as an adult, I know there is power in prayer.  I know I've prayed for people over the years.  I don't know if those were a part of the end result, but I like to think so. 

If you're having a bad day, ask someone for prayers. If you see someone who's hurting, say a little prayer.  It helps! 

Mary Poppins

Anything's possible.  This what comes to mind when you watch the movie Mary Poppins.  I first saw this movie at the drive in with my family.  How exciting it was to snuggle in the car with a bowl of popcorn and watch the magical scenes happening.  It made you think that anything is possible ..... if only we had our own magical nanny!!!!

Each of us has our own favorite songs from the film.  I can remember playing the soundtrack on my record player.  I would step onto the toy box, open my umbrella and leap off, praying I would float back down, just like in the movie!  

I could sing every word of every song, and still can.  Its a precious memory, and I still enjoy the movie every now and then.

Thank you, Walt Disney, for creating this magical movie for all of us to enjoy!

Happy 60th anniversary. Mary Poppins!

Humor

 

This was on my FB memories this morning from a few years ago.  I still find it humorous today!

Holiday Differences

This year is the first time in 23 years that I am not scrambling during the holiday season, not looking at holiday products starting in September. That I can actually enjoy the holidays!  

Retail is a difficult job. We begin unloading holiday product from trucks in August and September. We are constantly getting more and more product, and spend much of our work days from Sept thru the New Year handling these holiday items. The last thing you want to look at when you get home is .... yep ... more holiday items!!!

Since most of our family gatherings will be held at mom's, it won't be necessary that I decorate.  But I started today anyway!  

This is the Bay window in the living room.  I'm hanging a few ornaments from a piece of garland that I splurged on:  all of $4.98 !  Yay me!!!

As it gets closer to Christmas, I'll move out the plant and put my tree right there! 

Dreams Again

I dream a lot.  And remember many.  But have you ever woke yourself up shouting from a dream?? 

Last night, just before midnight, I was having a dream.  We were in a house, the front door was closed and locked. The keys were hanging inside from the doorknob. It was dark out; my sister and I were watching kids (ours? Unknown)  

Suddenly, I saw the keys being pushed out of the doorknob, presumably because someone was pushing their key in from the outside.  I remember smashing my shoulder against the door, trying to holler "dial 911!!!" But my voice wasn't working.  I woke myself hollering "Lorrrrrr-iii"

Sometimes dreams are just so strange.  But its rare for me to wake myself hollering!

Cooking Dinner

When I was raised, mom did all the cooking.  Unless it was dad grilling up some chicken or burgers.   (I miss your chicken, Dad!)

Today I picked up Mr Z from school, and arrived a few minutes early.  A couple of dads sat at the picnic table, we were all waiting for kids, and I overheard them discussing cooking Thanksgiving dinner. And since I don't have a poker face, I'm sure what I was thinking was written all over my face.

Whoa. Dinner recipes being exchanged?

Now I realize that the world is a different place, and maybe those were single dads.  I was thinking that if they were, they probably did the cooking.  I just never imagined them talking and swapping recipes! 

Ahh, the changes.

Mom had to grocery shop, and I noticed that she always, always, needs audio stimulation. If its not the TV, then she talks. Non stop.  Haha Lucky me!

Homework Time

When you are at your parents' house, you end up reverting to them being in charge. And at 86, my mom isn't quite up to being in charge any longer.  But she tries. She likes thing her way, always has. 

At her age, she's more easily chilled. Yesterday, she has the electric fireplace warming the living room.  But her fav  grandson came over, he's always warm, so opened up her patio door, and let the heat out or the cold in.  Either way, he's the one who gets his way with her.  (My sister's son). 

And I was reminded all over again the reason I moved away.   (This will be an ongoing topic ... sorry!)  

Today I picked up Mr Z, expecting his dad to pick him up around 4.  He showed up at 530.  Puts me off my fasting schedule unless I bring along my dinner.  Guess I need to anticipate that he's like his mother ... always late! Haha

Homework and a snack for Mr Z. Brings back memories of my own kids!!!! ❤ 

The Gym

When you know you should go to the gym but are able to make excuses because there are other things to be done, why is it so hard to get back to the gym????

I watched Mr Z quite a bit last week as my nephew is working and also interviewing with local PDs - which is quite a process.  I know because my ex went through it. 

I finally just smacked the excuses this morning, jumped out of bed, and headed over.  38 minutes and 10 miles on the bike.

So I'm doing my happy dance!  Here was today's motivation: 

When's lunch?????

Delish Dreams

I find it wonderfully fascinating when I dream about a hunky guy.  Its usually not someone I've ever met ..... but wouldn't it be nice????

A bunch of us was roughing it on some kind of campout, and we needed some supplies.  We headed to the local tractor supplier kind of place where we could get the stuff needed. (And now I can't recall what kind of tools they were!)  

I was wandering one of the aisles behind my ex husband, having a discussion about what was needed and which was best.  The one I thought was best, he shot down with a derogatory comment.  And up behind me walked Mr Dreamy.  

He told my ex that my opinion was valid. My ex took a couple of steps toward me and Mr Dreamy slid an arm around me and pulled me back against him. There is nothing like the feel of a very tall, solid body to lean against ......

I turned around and looked up into his face, his blue eyes, he had a full beard and mustache.  I felt like I knew who he was, if only I could look at him for a while longer ...   but then I woke up and his image was only on the fringes of my mind and I didn't recognize him.

I remember a plaid flannel shirt and rugged work boots.  

If this is a mystery man meant for me ...... woo hoo!

Parenting

Isn't it funny how we all have different ideas on the specifics of parenting.  What we do with our kids is most often shaped by how our parents did things.  Or we do things different because of what they didn't do.

I can remember being 17/18 and thinking I do NOT want to be like my mother.  But its 45 years later and I'm not sure what the specific reason was at the time.  As I look back, and then add in experience, in some ways I AM like my mother.  

But different parenting creates different people.  I have some definite ways of my own.  And as I watch my nephew navigate parenting alone, I can see how my sister did things differently than I did.  

In my thinking, we should choose our priority and do our best to stick with it.  For me, that was making sure my kids were well cared for, spent time with them, and showed them how to become better humans.  They had baths every day, meals every day, and I said "I love you" every day.  And when it came to my career choices, i didn't always choose the path with the most money. I chose the path that gave me solid work hours and a set schedule.  IMO, kids need routine. 

I see that lacking in Mr Zs world.  He goes from dad's to mom's to Grandma's. On days I pick him up from school, he always asks where he's going.  It breaks my heart that he doesn't know.  I raised six kids for 10 years. We posted a schedule on the wall and at the end of dinner every day, we reviewed whats up for tomorrow.  Kids need to know.

I know this post is all over in topic. But I have a soft spot for kids.  They need more than being shuffled. They need to be your priority.

Ahh Kids

I am official now.  When picking up kids at the local elementary school, you have to tell a teacher standing there with a computer, which student you are picking up.   I've been there, done that with the drill.  But today??  She recognized me!!  Guess I've picked up Mr Z plenty of times now!!  

Yesterday, we painted these wooden welcome signs ..... 

Fam & Crabby Old Lady

Sunday dinner at mom's.  Spaghetti with strawberries and whipped cream for dessert.  My nephew in his wisdom squirted whipped cream on the back of Mr Zs hand and had him hit his arm, to see if he could catch the glob.  

While it was amusing, my mother would never have approved.  Except he is her fav grandson.   I'm sure tomorrow I will hear all about how bad this was.

And now its Tuesday morning.  I didn't post yesterday for fear I'm beginning to sound like a crabby old lady.  Things get bogged down, and its easier to point out all the wrongs instead of focusing on positives.

We watched Mr Z yesterday as there was no school.  We took a walk around the block and spied this old Plymouth (1942?). Then we headed to his baseball game.  We get there and he doesn't have his glove.  While his mom and dad aren't together, they should be helping him be organized!  I felt horrible for him, and pissed at his parents.  Its their job to teach him the things he needs to know in life!  Grrrrr.

So much for not being a crabby old lady, but sometimes, its justified!!  (haha)

Take a Walk

Saturday night and I decided at the last minute for a neighborhood walk.  It wasn't something I wanted to do, but I knew it would be good for me.  Not only is it exercise, an after dinner walk is good for digestion, and helps for sleeping.

Its always surprising when I get back how much better I feel after a walk.  So if you're looking for something to lift your mood, take a walk!

Back When

Back when I was working, I seemed to be so organized. Work all day, make a meal, do chores, take a walk, repeat again tomorrow.  Back then, I couldn't wait for the day when I could retire and do my own thing all day.

Back when I was working, I found time? or created time? to do extra things, like sit in the sun and read for a while. 

Back when I was raising kids, there seemed to be so much more time in my days.  Logically I know there are the same 24 hours.  But why does my time seem so much less than that??

Maybe I should go back to writing lists. Having a to do list, whether its written or just in your mind, seems to help get things done.  I do better when I'm on a schedule, but retirement has put me into a non  schedule mode, and that's not working for me.  Add in helping mom and my nephew and when there's a day where no help is needed, I do nothing. Or very little. 

Google says: "Predictable, repetitive routines are calming and help reduce anxiety. They'll also help you take control of your day and subsequently, your life. Start your day off right."

That's what I need.  It would do me a world of good.  I just need to start.

Maybe tomorrow. 

Happy Friday!

Day 2 not feeling good, tired and cold.  And yesterday, I had to dash over to Mom's to help her transfer some funds from savings to checking.  She bought her furniture and then mailed her property taxes check.  And then was awake most of the night because she was worried about the money.  

Even though she had a couple of days before there might be a problem, I know it would worry her until it got done. 

So I zoomed over.

And I was supposed to watch Mr Z after school, but his mom is picking him up. So I have a free evening! 

 In the meantime, at one of the ballgames, Ms J and I dropped some kindness rocks, and one was found. She posted to the group and thanked me for the rock!  Always makes me happy when my painted rock makes someone smile! Happy Friday!

Frustrations

Mom got her furniture yesterday, it looks nice!  But she's funny, hates letting go of her old things.  One chair is over 30 years old and it leans to one side when she sits in it, but we dragged it into the spare bedroom so she could keep it.

Then it was time for me to do the annual sign up for Medicare advantage programs.  I started the application and they wanted a Medicare number.  But eek!  I can't find the card. Then remembered I had picked up something and tossed it in the garbage. So while dinner cooked, I was scrapping through the trash and yay!  I found it.  Whew. One less worry.

My nephew wanted me to watch Mr Z, take him to his ballgame.  I stuck around at mom's and at 3pm he sent a text about all the plans changing.  So I packed up and went home.  I remember when I was divorced and the kids were little,  outings were planned on days when the kids were with Dad.  While I don't mind watching kids, helping out, I don't want to wait all day and then have plans canceled. 

Frustrations.

Maybe I can work them off at the gym.

Go-To Movies

Repetition soothes my OCD tendencies.  Especially when it comes to watching TV. I've been watching the same movie over and over for a while now. And can't seem to get enough of it.  Can you guess what it is?

• "When are we gonna get the records?" 
•  "Luke 21:19" 
•  "In your patience possess ye your souls."  
• "Luke, who's Luke? When are we getting the records?"  
• "Wednesday."

I let it run over and over while I get ready for my day.  I sometimes watch while I eat lunch.   That Thing You Do.

Sometimes a movie that's light hearted and uncomplicated fits the bill.   And happy tunes make it that much better.

Do you have a "go to" movie??

Life With Ma

When she moved here, mom had four chairs for the living room, until one broke.  Little did I know, the chair was 30+ years old.  She likes things that last. Forever.

So now she either needs to buy 2 chairs, or a couch.  And she really wants a couch now, because her fav grandson has a girlfriend.  Don't ask me to try and explain how one relates to the other.  

So I offered to take her to a furniture store on Weds then go grocery shopping.  But "that's too much for one day" she said.  So we're going Tuesday and grocery shopping Wednesday.  Yay me!

This should be interesting .... she's five foot nothing, and furniture these days are built for larger people.  She sits on the couch to try it out, and her feet don't touch the floor.  Same with finding her some kind of chair. They're all too big for her. Add to that, she is picky as to build, comfort and materials used.   

I'm guessing I'm going to need to wear my healing stones necklace to help me stay ... relaxed.  I'll let you know!

PS: it finally got cold here. I set my heater thermostat to come on at 64 degrees. It came on this morning!!! Brrrr

Love the Rain

Usually, rain in the Valley of the Sun happens during monsoon season - June 15 to September 15.  Yesterday, there was a small chance of rain,  but I was lucky and it rained here! Even though it was after sunset - and I was in my jammies! 

I was tired after my all day trip on Saturday, so most of the day was spent just resting up.  Other than our rain, it was an uneventful day.  

And sometimes those are just as necessary as the normal days, or even the busier days!! 

 

Its a Drive!

Spent time yesterday with my daughter, granddaughter, and met my great granddaughter!!  I luv me some baby snuggles!!

But it was a drive!  Two hours in the car with mom.  Each way.  And I dreaded listening to the radio, because of the political ads!! So I made a Playlist on my MP3 player, old country from the 60s and 70s that I grew up on.  We spent a lot of time singing along,  which meant not so much talk time.  That was ok with me!  

Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, Marty Robbins, Tammy Wynette ... and the list goes on.   Good memories!

Tickle tickle, Miss Izzy!

Sick Day

Sometimes, the need for a sick day is a necessity for our mental health.  And sometimes, its really about being sick. No fever, but chills and a stomach ache.  Spent the day just chilling out. And feeling better today.  Mostly.

Its family day.  Happy weekend!

Relax and Walk

I was doing some reading, and just before sunset, I jumped up and decided on a spur of the moment walk. 

Its easy for me to grab a good book, and get into the story.  I tend to immerse myself fully into stories.  My current book is about a woman who trains dog. And the descriptions of the dogs, the interactions, were so descriptive, it had me googling for a local pug breeder!  And I don't really want a dog at this point.  Or do I??  

And so the thought came to me that I need to do more than read books.  So a walk was the answer.  It was a lovely 78 degrees, and the pains in my hip/leg were less than normal, so I enjoyed it!!  

Happy Friday!

Thanks for Reading

I really like to write.  For me, its a better way to communicate than speaking.  I can form a few thoughts on a topic. My hope is that my sharing those thoughts will cause you to think about something, perhaps in a way you didn't think about it before.  

But my main driving force behind this happened because of my genealogy research into my own family.  It was obvious that there were so many personal feelings about themselves and their lives they never wanted to share.  

It's my personal belief that my paternal grandmother got involved (possibly sex?) with grandfather before marriage, maybe ended up pregnant, with a hasty marriage.  She was always reluctant to share when I asked questions, saying the past should be left alone.  My paternal grandfather was born to his unmarried mother.  

So while maybe she thought the past should be left alone, sharing might have changed the course of others' lives.  

I'm still pondering sharing some of my own experiences.  I considered writing fiction around the facts and making it into a novel, but I'm not sure its worthy of all that. But maybe it will be a good project over the winter!   We shall see.

Thank you, reader, for taking the time.  I like knowing something I've written has been read, but even if it wasn't,  I'd still write! Cuz that's who I am.

Fam Time Tuesday

Tuesday evening, mom and I watch my nephew's kids while he works.  As always, they're a handful of energy and fun. And sometimes, they can be a little bit much. But that's just being kids.

Last night, they were wound up tight.  We kept them busy turning paper plates into pumpkins.   Err, jack-o-lanterns.  Then a few rounds of corn hole.  By then the Wold Series game was on, and mom was ready to settle in to watch. 

I tried to entertain the kids with a Match game, but they continued to argue and fuss.  It had just grown dark, so we took a walk to check out the Halloween decorations on houses. Wasn't much, but the walk did them good.  I know it was good for me!

I think part of the reason they were so wound up is my nephew, J has a girlfriend.  And she was coming over.  It was interesting to observe the kids with her, but I see potential for problems. She had promised to make cookies with the kids, and then had to put off that promise because its a school night.  Kids are funny, they have their own ways, we'll have to see how this works out.  

In the meantime, no gym today as I need to wash my car and do some household chores.  Plus its a gorgeous 70 degrees and that makes folks want to be outdoors  ... me included!!!

Fall Ball (again)

Finally talked Mom into going to Mr Z's baseball game today.  It was a gorgeous 92 degrees when we left; anything over 90 and she wants to stay in.  But with it getting dark so early now, and a good breeze, it was gorgeous tonight. 

I felt bad for her, though. We sat down and we were home team, playing outfield.  She's looking around and says "Where's Tristan?"   She used to watch her grandson play .... about 20 yrs ago!  I pointed to right field and said Mr Z is right there!  

Otherwise, it was a good night.  When 7-8 yr olds play, pitching isn't so great.  But only 3 kids were hit with the ball today. That's a plus!!

Gorgeous clouds!

Our Phones

We live in a digital world, and our phones are our lifeline to just about everything.  I am no exception!!  I feel lost without it!

I headed out to the gym this morning and as I was about a minute away, I realized I didn't have my phone.  My first instinct was to turn around and head back home.  And then I thought WTF??  I have my wallet, they can check me in manually. But boy was I feeling lost!

Success!  I was checked in, and wished a good workout.  I haven't been in 3 days, so I hopped on the bike. 18 mins in and I wanted to quit.  Then an awesome song queued up, and I kept going.  Soon I was just past the 30 min mark and 7.5 miles. 

That's when the internal debate begins.  Can I do 10 miles? 40 minutes??  

YES.   I.   CAN.  !!!!!

Happy Monday!

Sage To Cleanse

Today, I lit a sage incense stick :

"Please cleanse this space for the highest good of all who come in contact with my beautiful home. I release into this smoke all energies that do not serve me, all negativities that surround me, and fear that limits me. On Heaven as It is on Earth."

Do you have to believe it will work in order for it to work??  I've always been highly intuitive.  And strange things happen to me, and around me.  

Every now and then, I will catch the scent of a man's cologne.  (No men have been in my house in a long time!)  And sometimes I catch a whiff of cigarette smoke - the kind that lingers on the clothing of a smoker.  

Two days ago, it was the sound of a pencil or stick striking a glass bowl, that leaves a lingering sound, the key of C or E.  Or the sound of a rubber ball being bounced.  I open the door and can't hear it, but I still hear it indoors.  

There's a photo of my mom that gets pushed over every few days, and I have two sock monkeys that sit on a toy sized park bench that gets tipped.  

Most of the time, I take it all in stride.  Its been happening off and on for a few years.  But the bottle tossed off the vanity in the night has freaked me out.  Mostly because of the distance, it wasn't just bumped.

So we'll see if the sage makes a difference.  The little things make me smile, but I don't want to be scared out of my house! 

Too Much Control

How much is too much control in a relationship??  I have a great granddaughter, and she's adorable!  But I haven't been to see her yet.  There's a possible problem niggling at my brain.

My granddaughter, Miss B, is hearing impaired, and struggled with social aspects in school.  This can create problems when forging relationships,  especially with men.  For 3+ years, she has dated a young man who is also hearing impaired.  Their bond was cute. At first.

Over time, there have been little incidents that have caused me to wonder about this relationship.  Miss B was always smart and independent.  But once they hooked up, she has "lost"  6 phones.  We all know how easy they are to misplace. But for a hearing impaired person, their phone is a lifeline and it isn't often lost.  

Without either of them having a job, they moved in together and got 3 puppies.  (Yeah, I know, irresponsible!!!)  But again for her, her hearing aids are a lifeline, she doesn't leave them around for the dogs to chew.  She went without them for months, and when she visited us, she couldn't have conversations with us without them.

So here's the problem niggling at me.  Is he a controlling bastard who is doing things to make her dependent on him alone??  Does he "help" her lose phones?  Did he "knock" her hearing aid off a table while she slept??   Since they started dating, I haven't had a one on one talk with her and we were close before that.  I chalked it up to being a teenager.  But now I'm wondering. 

We are trying to arrange a visit there next weekend, but we're waiting on "permission".  Hmm.  More on this soon.

15 Years Ago

Its so hard for me to imagine that fifteen  years have gone by since I made an offer on my house.  President Obama had enacted a bonus for first time home buyers, and I qualified!  

When I took my first walk thru of the house, eek. It had been closed up for about a year. The bank owned it.  Previous owner had begun making improvements.  I was fine with all of them except the color.  He had everything sprayed in a brownish color ..... walls, closets, cupboards.   No character, everything just blended.  

Once I was approved, the bank allowed me to get right in and start painting.  I painted my room a lovely lilac shade, and Brian did three tone grey.  I let him choose, it was the first time he had a choice in the scheme of his room!!  We had a blast.  We would head over after work and paint a couple hours, pick up some drive thru, and repeat the next few days.  

But painting the main rooms was harder.  My fav aunt and uncle came over one Saturday to help us get started.  She even brought over some home made chili!!

I've always been one to believe that when you help someone, or someone helps you, on a project, a part of them becomes part of things.  I will always remember them helping paint the living room.  It was the same when I started painting stripes on my fence .... everyone who came over had a part in making this happen!

Being a homeowner isn't for everyone, but it was my goal my whole adult life.  And I love it!

Dejected

I woke up feeling energetic today, and logged into my Simple app to check what's in store for today.  My plan was to hit the gym.  But my AI insisted it had been 20 days since I logged my weight, and that was today's goal. 

But I knew that I didn't want to see a number.  I have taken to sliding the scale under the laundry basket because my goal can't be about the numbers on a scale.  And yep, I was right.  It shows I'm up 4 lbs. 

I've done weight loss and gym rat stuff for many years.  I know that I probably added muscle because I changed up machines and routines.  But I have limited myself to aprox 1200 calories, I fast 16 hours day, I haven't had pizza, chips, cookies, or fast food in 6+ weeks.  Every meal includes fiber and protein.  My water intake is over 88oz per day.  And I still can't lose.  Its very frustrating.

I spent most of my day ... hibernating. Wallowing.  Dejected.  Tomorrow I start again, crank down on the calories, increase my gym time and try yet again.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Ms J and I spending time at the ballpark

Write Peace

Its Mom day again for grocery shopping. Picking up Mr Z from school. Baseball practice this evening.  For being retired, I'm not getting much rest! Haha

But one thing has been weighing on my mind.  There's a new song by Leanna Crawford. The opening verse is:

"Great Aunt Maurine said at a hundred and three:  Write scripture on your heart for when you need it, Cause anxiety hates Psalm 23. So just say it to yourself ‘til you believe it. And I’m feeling like I’m needing it right now."

Psalm 23 is well known.  I know that it's written on my own heart, and has given me comfort through all my hard times.  I find myself wishing it for mom.  She has attended church all her life. And yet she has so much anxiety over ... things.

I guess in the end, we all find our own peace.  Much of mine comes from music!

Listen to Your Soul

Let your soul be your pilot, let your soul guide you......

That's the song I heard during my gym time. I know it's sung by Sting, but I'm not sure its his version on my MP3 player  .... 

Either way the message is a good one.  We all have a tendency to look to others for advice.  But in the end, we have to own that each choice is ours.  Good. Bad. Or ugly.   I've made plenty of all kinds!

But most of my good ones come from when I listen to that little voice inside, my intuition, my soul. 

What's even better is when we make a bad or ugly decision, what we learn from it, or what we can gain from it, can still be good.

I thought I was making a good decision when I married husband #3 and moved from Cali to Ohio.  Turns out that wasn't a good one for me, but in the long run, it turned out to be good for my kids.  They were able to get school provided services for their disabilities.  My daughter was taught sign language and had an interpreter. My son had a teacher devoted to helping him with his vision needs.  While the marriage didn't work, my kids benefited.  So some good from the bad.

When things are going wrong, look inside yourself.  Listen to your intuition. 

Proud of Me!

So I've been on the Simple app for a little over a month.  And I was hoping it would help.   OK, hoping it would be a little more miraculous in weight loss than regular "diets".   And I was wrong to hope for that.  They say its a matter of calories in and calories out, but that's not all of it or my scale would move.

So today I realized two things:  my weight isn't as important as my health; the healthier eating I've been doing is good for me.  And the scale won't move unless I do what worked for me before:  an hour in the gym 5x week.  

With that in mind, I was determined to do more today.  My goal was 7 minutes on the elliptical.  (I used to do 45 mins!)  Today, I was able to do 10, and I'm proud of that!  It was a little uncomfortable --  and I'm sure I will have sore muscles tomorrow, but doing this is for me! 

After that, I completed 30 mins, 7 miles, on the bike.  None of this will be easy, but I am determined. 

The struggle is real.

Sunday Music

I was raised in the Lutheran Church.  Every Sunday was spent going to church. It was a small church, everyone knew everyone.  And I was raised singing old hymns, which I never minded.   I'm musically inclined and enjoyed that much more than the rest of it.

I'm watching Seventh Heaven and a tune came on and I immediately knew the words and sang along:

Blest be the tie that binds Our hearts in Christian love; The fellowship of kindred minds Is like to that above.

While that's a lot of old fashioned words, its a simple message. Which wasn't my point.  How we are raised is ingrained in us, no matter how far from the original path we might stray.  I stopped attending St John's (where mom attended for 50 years)  in 1990.  I joined another church, but after I left Cali, church was more in the background.  

It's comforting to know that the simple things we learn in our childhood stick with us, and that music pulls memories out that we thought we had long forgotten. 

If you have a chance, pull out some old music and let the memories wash over you.

Joyous Rain!

What a wonderful rain to wake up to!  The sound of rain pattering on the roof, gurgling down the downspout is so peaceful.  And peacefulness is what I need this morning.  

I had trouble falling asleep, and was awake again at 3am, and couldn't fall back asleep.  I'm a pretty logical person and couldn't find a way to duplicate that bottle falling off the vanity and hitting the tile floor.  I tried several different times yesterday!  

Most of the time, I'm not too spooked about the odd things that happen in my house.  Cabinet doors being opened on a cabinet I don't use.  Lights that flicker for no apparent reason.   Things being moved.  I can usually chuckle to myself, knowing that someone/thing is trying to get my attention.   But a bottle being tossed is just a little more aggressive than I'm used to. 

With any luck, whatever the message is, I'll understand it soon!