Travels

So its Saturday and almost Christmas. I decided last minute to give my daughter the rocking chair I used to rock her in when she was a baby.  (Yes, 42 years ago!) Now she can rock her granddaughter in it! 

But I couldn't get it in my little Cruze. So I opted to rent an SUV for the trip. When I arrived this morning, they didn't have one. The guy offered to upgrade me no charge if I would take the Tacoma. 

Looking at it from across the parking lot and I said Sure! But when we stepped out and walked toward it, I was like whoa.  Mom's never gonna be able to step into it!  It must have had some kind of upgrade to handle huge knobby tires and such.

I loaded it up, drove over to get mom and I was right. She couldn't get in! We had to get a folding chair to take with us to help her get in and out.  lol. It was hilarious!

Glad to have the chore done!  ✔ Another commitment to family to remember.

PS: it was a good ride, smoother than I expected, pretty easy to handle!

Holiday Trip

Dear Brian,

Yesterday I drove to see your sister and family.  Sans family.  The girls were at Steve's decorating Christmas cookies.  It was a little disappointing that I didn't get to see them, but I got the gifts delivered.  Left kinda early because I wanted to be home before dark. 

I'm guessing your sis is having a hard time with you gone.  OK, I'll admit it, we all are.  And we all handle it differently.  Grandma is having trouble missing Grandpa, Marge and Jim, and of course, you.  Me, I have noticed that I am in each moment, double checking myself so I don't leave my phone or debit card somewhere.   Not sure how it's affecting your sis, but I could tell she wasn't quite herself.  It's the little things.  She bought a new SUV and never bothered to tell me.  Which I found a little weird.  But whatever.  I raised the two of you to do for yourselves, to be independent.  And now that she's living her life, I can't have hurt feelings because she didn't tell me something. 

A few years back, when I mentioned going to a Goodwill store for something, she ranted at me about how she never wanted to buy clothing from there again because I ruined her by making her shop there as a kid.  Which wasn't altogether true.  We bought things from other stores for normal clothing, but just shopping for a real bargain at Goodwill -- it's like finding treasure!  She didn't see it that way for many years.  But now that she has kids .... her viewpoint is a little different.  I was surprised that she admitted it to me, but it felt good that she recognized how she was raised and how she is now.

We also talked about long term, and my moving to Tucson, but she doesn't plan on staying in her house, so I can't move there and be stuck when she decides it's time to move away.  :/   So here I am in our house, for now.  There may come a time when I move back to Cali to take care of Grandma.  Right now, she's doing OK on her own, but it's getting harder.  I just can't see moving now and ending up living there for another 20 years!  I don't enjoy Cali that much!!!

The holidays are a really busy time and I'm not enjoying it much, but I'm trying to force my way through it all, while trying to avoid what I think could be "landmines" -- triggers that bring all the pain and grief back to the surface.  I try not to watch the "feel good" movies because tears are so close to the surface.  I know that as far as life goes, I'm just going through the motions.  I try to keep up with taking pix and posting them.  A. mentioned that I hadn't created a CD in a long while ..... maybe with the new year, I will get back to it again.

There's not a day goes by that you aren't in my thoughts.
I missed you on the long car ride yesterday.
Sadie had to stay home because you weren't along to help keep her calm.
I decided that it's not safe for me to drive with her hopping around all the time.

Float a feather my way, I'm watching for them!
Love you!
Mom

Vacations and Age

Vacations are terrific.  Vacations take you away from the normal routine and give you something new to look at and experience.   But let's face it, vacations are also a lot of work.  When you're single and old like me, there are so many things to deal with.  It stressed me out to put Sadie in a PetHotel; it stressed both Sadie and I out when I got out the suitcase to pack.   Traveling always stresses me out as well.  I *hate* using airplane toilets and try my best to avoid it at all costs. 

Just five years ago, in 2014, I traveled to Cali and back again once a month.  But it was easier then.  My son was here, stayed with Sadie whenever I went.  I could rest easy that someone would be at the house, and Sadie would be well cared for.   But no more.  I miss that.

Putting Sadie in a PetHotel was an experiment to see if I could swing the whole travel thing on my own, and for the most part, I think I can do it.  Four nights was just a bit long, but would go better if I change up Sadie's diet so that she eats more nuggets and less wet food. 

And I'm rambling.

I had a little bit of a breakdown today; I miss my son, and I was tired from traveling, and it all converged at once.  After a crying jag, I put Sadie in the stroller and took a walk to shake it off.

It worked.  Mostly.

The Big Move (2008)

5 day Countdown - Feb 10, 2008

Current mood:adventurous
Well, it's here, I'm finally counting down in single digits how quickly this trip - no, this journey -  will arrive now.  And I started thinking about travel.  Here in Ohio, I've met several women who have rarely been outside the local county, let alone outside the state; several who don't, or won't, drive on the interstates, some who have never been on an airplane.  As one who has always traveled interstates, taken trips and flown a bit, it was a culture shock for me when I first arrived.  Now that I've been here nearly 10 years, I can understand it ... sort of.  But that doesn't mean these women don't have dreams and fantasies of taking off to foreign places, distant cities, indulging in their wildest dreams. 

I want to encourage those women, give them permission to indulge a little!  Take a risk, say yes instead of no.  There's an expression that we've all read...  "the independent woman" or "a woman of independent means" and we usually associate that with women who can take care of themselves financially.  But money isn't the only thing that makes women independent any longer, and lack of it doesn't prevent us from being independent.  What makes us independent is our imagination.  Give your imagination some respect.  Your fantasies of independence, if only for a short while, are like holy whispers of what's Possible. ..... Turn your ear inward, and lisssssten  .....

PS:  on a more personal note, if you don't think there's a bit of fear in this journey of mine, in starting a new life, in a new city, think again.  It can be scary, but the other side of the coin is that it can be a beginning, a new chapter, a real excitement ...... I took a risk, and said yes! 

THAT kind of day - Feb 11, 2008

Current mood:distractable
Four days to go, and a million and one things to do ... so when I arrived home it's like, OK Son, it's supposed to snow tomorrow, so let's get some stuff done... Laundry first.  We each grab 2 loads and head for the laundry room, get them started in the washer.  Then, because he was out, jacket and gloves on, I convinced him we needed to go 'round the back gate into the patio and pull the weeds that is required by our lease "to take with us" .... (lol yes! it totally says that!) But the back gate won't open; send him 'round to the front to get his crowbar, and we finally get the gate unstuck, but it won't open all the way.  So there we are, trying to crack the frozen ground  and loosen some rocks so the gate opens.  AHA!  we got that, and got in, pulled a few weeds, took a load of loose boards to the trash.

By that time, the washers are done, and we go in to get the next loads, hike them over to the laundry room and load them into the washers, moving the washed stuff to dryers.  Darn!  We ran out of quarters, so I hiked back to the apt to get more, toss them into the machines and .. whoops! who has the soap?  Back to the apt to grab the soap, and finally get them started.  Heavens, but its been THAT kind of day.  Same with work.  I figured I'd feel like I was more on a countdown, but it was business as usual.  Which is a good thing . . . no time to think, no time to worry, just getting things taken care of like any other day.  The only minor exception to that was I forgot to check my schedule? I showed up 4 hours early for work.   Yep! its been THAT kind of day!  Hopefully, yours wasn't quite like that!
 . . . . . . HAPPY MONDAY!  Hugs

3 Days & Counting - Feb 12, 2008

Current mood:anxious

Each day passes, and I'm that much closer to loading truck and heading out west.  Today, I made all those phone calls that take up so much time... shutting off the utilities,  --- and making arrangements for the same at the new apt.  In addition, its required that I have renters insurance, so a phone call to my auto carrier, and adding that policy costs $100/year.  Ok, I can handle that.  But, by combining the two policies? I save $74 on my auto. hehehe go figure, for once I get a break!   Now, if only I can figure out what to do about internet services there..... *sigh*  It's all complicated, and crazy.  Right now, I'm paying a total of $35/month.  Can't find much to replace that. Yet. But I'll keep looking.  

It's getting to be a drag looking at all the piles and piles of boxes here .. nothing is where it belongs, and I keep worrying that I'll forget to do something, or misplace something that I'll need right away, and not be able to find it.   Then I keep telling myself that .. things work out for the best .. they will on these things too.   

My folks are driving down from Calif and will be there when I arrive.  I'm sure my daughter and granddaughter will be there, too.  I haven't seen everyone in a year.  So I'm looking forward to this "reunion" of sorts.  HUGGGS to everyone!

just a PS from 2019 .. .we used the dining room to stack all the boxes as they were packed.  Some had been packed and stacked for nearly a year!  As the date got closer, the less things we would need and more boxes were added.  Except for my son's room.  He *told* me he had been packing ... *sigh*