Sometimes we all have bad days. Today was my turn. They usually happen after a night of bad dreams. I was dreaming about being back at work then somehow I was walking along the beach boardwalk, with kids along. First one kid fell off the cliff in to the ocean, then another. Talk about a mom's panic! No way I was getting back to sleep. So I read to keep my mind occupied.
Bad dreams about kids always brings my son Brian to mind. It will be 5 years in less than three weeks since he died. As always, there's never answer to endless questions, including why????
There is a lot of mystique when it comes to suicide; I'm a part of a parent's survivor group and the one very obvious thing is feeling so alone. People don't know what to say, or they just avoid you as if its something catchy. I've come to accept it, but it leaves a huge hole inside.
Its become a part of who I am now, but that doesn't mean every day is a good day. So I muddle through the bad days and hope for a better one tomorrow.
Because of the lack of sleep, I missed my outdoor walk, but I've done 3 ten minute jaunts on the my treadmill (I call her The Beast! She's full sized!)
Cheers to a better day tomorrow ❤
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