Elder Care

I have been looking into elder care here in Arizona because I don't believe I will be the best person to be mom's caregiver.  

As we move toward a different phase of her life, the mother/child dynamic puts limitations on the relationship.  Add in the mental health changes, and it could create issues that aren't good for me.  Or her.

My mother can be toxic.  A recent example: she decided she needs a gardener as she is unable to do the tasks any longer.  I asked questions such as how often, what she wants done, because I know that she will ask me to make the call.  She then said she would talk to my brother when he arrives in 2 days.  Next thing I know, she is telling my brother *I* don't want her to have a gardener.  

We were shopping at Walmart looking for buttons to make a fix on a chair but they didn't have them.  Two days later, she's having leg pains and the buttons are forgotten in the caring for the pains issues and doctor visits. Now six weeks later, she's upset because we didn't get the buttons.  When I tried to order on line, she "has to see them" and even though she's not up to going shopping, shes still upset with me that this wasn't done and now she has a sore neck.

When we shopped for her new furniture, she liked the chairs she bought.  Now its six months later and shes upset that she didn't shop at LaZBoy first.  

When she wants to shop, I ask where she wants to shop.  And that's where we go.  Her choice. Always her choice.

As this situation changes, and if I have to make more decisions for her, they won't be the right ones.  I know she's thinking I will come live with her, take care of her, and do things her way.  Can't happen, because she would destroy my well being.  And she can't live with me, my house is too small for her and her stuff.  We tried it for 2 months.  Not sure we would have lasted much longer!! 

So how do you know when??  When do you draw the line in the sand??  Since December, I have been there at least 6 out of 7 days each week.  I know I've said it in the past, but when is it my turn???

As this saga moves forward, I'll be keeping elder care in mind, someone else to do chores and be a help mate. 

It can't just be me.