When we're young, full of vision and hope for our futures, we have an ideal of what our grown up life will look like, including that special someone. We hope they share the same basic views, have some of the same wishes and dreams. And that their level of what commitment means is the same as yours.
But when its not the same, and your spouse cheats, why do we tend to shift reasoning and blame to ourselves?
I was reading and came across this: You were not a fool, you made a commitment in good faith. The person who asked you for that commitment is the one who lacked honor and integrity. They were not worthy of you, but that doesnt make you foolish and weak. All you can do is move on.
We waste a lot of time on self blame, in trying to figure out what went wrong, and how to fix ourselves, when in truth, the only thing wrong was the other person. In my case, the lying, cheating bastard.
I did my best to move on. And I like to think that I succeeded. But there is always a small part of me that makes me feel like I did something wrong. And that wrong thinking caused problems in other relationships.
I've always said it's better to be honest. If the relationship is not working, speak up and we can part ways without making a mess of things.
Don't be a cliche and cheat. It creates hurt for everyone.
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