Maybe Tomorrow

Sometimes it feels like life is never gonna give you a break.  A part of that falls under expectations-- when things become difficult, you assume there is an end point.  Looks like there won't be one for me.

Last Thursday was the last day of school.  I was thinking, Yay! My days of picking up MrZ have come to an end.  Yes, of course I will miss time with him! But I was so ready to have a break.

But a break never happens when it comes to Mom.  Friday morning text tells me that she's had diarrhea all week.  Except she went with me to Walmart on Weds??  Ah well, no matter.   

I'm not sure if its just her, or a generational thing, but when she gets flu-ish she stops eating and drinking - because that will make it better faster?? So I dropped my own "life stuff" to pick up some Pepto, pretzels and vitamin water and drop it off.  I made her take it right then, didn't leave until she had finished all the water.  She felt better this morning! Yay!

But then comes 3pm and she's got another episode of anxiety (sundowners?) so I head over. Again.  Can't sit still, paces the floor, tries to lay down, jumps up again to grab something to eat.  She's mopping her face with a damp rag, asking if its hot?  I lowered her AC by 2 degrees and now she's freezing cold?  

She has an anxiety med prescribed but she has always taken it at bedtime, and for some reason can't shift and take it when she gets over-anxious at 3.  But she tried it, and finally felt better.  

I've tried to calmly explain that she has two choices: be swamped with the anxiety or take the meds.  The next med up is going to be Valium or Xanax. 

There's this whole "Let them" buzzing around and while that might work with folks who can still ... function, its rather difficult when they seem to be on the cusp of something bigger than they can handle.

So I guess I will just keep wishing for the break that never arrives.  My continual mantra is "Maybe tomorrow".