Brian's Stuff

The things left behind when someone dies can be a great comfort to those who were left behind.

I know my mom has some of her mother's things, and they will be passed to me and my sister, and then in my own case, on to my daughter and granddaughter. 

The things left behind by Brian are a huge comfort to me.  But what will happen later on when I'm gone?  Maybe my daughter will want some of it, but Brian had no children to pass these things to.  His memory will be ... well, the memory only lasts as long as the people who remember you.

I think this is my biggest fear - if that's the right word - that no one will remember my son. I know they won't remember him as well as I do.  He lived with me 30 of his 33 years.  We were close the last 10 of those years.

When I look at the wall I created with his Tshirts and things .... sitting in there, I contemplate all the things we did together, all the things that we dreamed of doing, things that created his history.  While I was his mother, mom and Ma, he was my handyman, Mr Fixit and general helper when something needed to be done.  

Some days, a song or a thought, a TV show or driving past something can bring tears to my eyes, and I start missing him all over. 

My son Brian, Forever Missed.

Stuffffff!

Have you ever taken a good look around you, and seen all your "stuff" and wonder ... "why do I have all of this?"  Today, as I was out giving my cacti an evening drink after a really warm day (it reached 102), I was thinking about the rocks in my yard.  Well, I was thinking more about 'stuff' .... we all collect things.  Lately, I collect rocks when I go on a hike.  None that are too big I can't carry, so not a big deal.  But what happens when our time on Earth is done.   Who will want our "collections"??

That made me think about my mother, who has collected antique glass items for years now.  And between my sister and I, will we want, or have room, for all of that??  Certainly there will be pieces we want because of some reason or another -- but what will become of all the stuff?  When I was 18, I hand painted a beautiful ceramic manger set for her.  It took hours and hours, and one day, I'd like to have it.

As for my own stuff, who will want my teddy bears?  or my "Linda" dishes?  or my rocks??  *laughs*   I was talking to my best friend about these things..... "Sometimes stuff feels like a blanket around you, its been with you."  And that's quite appropriate.  I think that's how we all feel about our stuff. 

But when do we call it quits?  At what point do we decide we need less stuff?  All those self help articles on getting organized advise us to clean out our closets every six months and get rid of things we don't need, haven't used.  Almost always, that's easier said than done.  We like our stuff!!  So for now, I think I'll just keep doing what I've been doing -- cleaning closets once a year, holding those familiar collected things close to my heart, and maybe, just maybe, I'll start getting rid of some of the stuff.  Just maybe. :)