Working at Patience

Every day is a constant amazement, but not in the way you might think.  For me, I seem to have lost most of my patience.  Does stress do that?  I'm not sure there's any science to back me up, but it certainly is messing with my patience level.   I know in my mind that I need to reduce my stress with deep breathing or exercise - or both! - but I just don't see to be able to get off my duff and do them.  Maybe that has to do with the number of things that I feel need to be done.  Or maybe I'm back at work too soon.  I've scheduled a few days off in the coming weeks, because I feel like I need some space from work.  But if I take too many days off in a row, there's a mess of stuff that needs doing when I get back and there's no relief from co-workers. 

It's been amazing to me that life events can have such an effect on a person.  My mind blanks out at odd moments.  I find writing things down helps keep me a little more focused.  I've never needed help with that before, but now ..... I do.  Much more than what I would call the normal aging process.   We all joke about walking into a room and forgetting what we're there for.  For me, it's like someone slams a door and boom, no idea! 

Yesterday in the dealership waiting room, a little old lady was talking loudly on her phone.  Bless her, she probably had hearing issues, but it bothered me.  Today, another one is on the phone while I'm trying to have a quiet lunch in McD's. 

Where has my patience gone???

Because there are so many things going on right now, I'm going to make some changes:  With my extra days off coming up, a little more walking each morning -- because the evenings are too hot right now! I'm going to keep a list of the little things that need to be worked on, and do just a piece of it each day.  Even if you do only one portion of it, within days it could be completed!  I scheduled an appointment with my doc to see if everything is OK, then to see if there's something that will help me sleep better at night.  If my body and mind get a good rest, will the rest of the things fall in and become better as well?  I'm hoping!

It's hard to believe that someone so in control of everything (yes, ME!) can so completely become at loose ends in everything else!  I keep working my Sodoku puzzles every day so that my mind stays functioning.  I'm reading stories (sometimes just to escape) and handbooks about dealing with loss to help keep my emotions on level ground. 

It's hard work!

As I think about it all, I believe that handling stress in one or two areas of your life is easier if there is a portion of your life where you aren't handling stress.  Right now, everything seems stressful; work was sometimes an escape for me, I can lose myself in getting my job done.  Most of the time.  But lately, I seem to be rubbed the wrong way by my coworker and it's making my work situation quite stressful. 

Sometimes I just want the rollercoaster to stop so I can .... take a break! 
But where would that break come from?   At home, there's too many reminders, and things needing to be taken care of.  At work .. well, that's not a good break!  haha  So I guess I'll just have to find it elsewhere, in between one and the other, find a little space for me. 

Patience. Consistency. Hard Work.
That's life!

Every Little Story

Dear Brian,

It's been a moody week for me; I move from task to task as best I can, but multi-tasking is beyond me and each interruption is like a burr under a saddle -- irritating as all get out.  My mind doesn't stay on any one thing, and I find I need to constantly check that I haven't lost or misplaced anything.  I've already lost my debit card, a booklet that I read every day and found comforting.  I set things down and can't remember where I left them, and I wander around doing tasks and only half complete them.  Not that many of the chores at home matter -- if they don't get done today, tomorrow is another day!

The family is worried, so I promised to see my doc.  That's next Thursday.
Today was the day I had the oil changed and tires rotated on the car at Earnhardt.

But in between the ordinary, every time I remember a story about you, I stop whatever I'm doing and write it down.  I've been posting them on www.forevermissed.com/brian-court .  Because I can't bear the thought that no one else will know you as well as I did.  You were an awesome son, intelligent and humorous; you didn't show all these things to every person.  You kept a lot of your thoughts to yourself, and let little bits shine through.  Anyone who got to see those little bits was special!

Your Uncle Dave asked me for something of yours to have.  It was easy enough to decide.  The knife that was your grandfather's ... he has that now and will pass it to Christopher or Anthony some day.  I also sent him a guitar pick, and your shot glasses from the Corvette factory - he collects shot glasses!  As I was gathering up things, I noticed your VW hot wheels with the Nickelodeon logo on it, he just bought himself a cute little VW to drive around town.  He sent me a text and thanked me for sharing. 

Tomorrow is Friday, and I'm thankful, it's been a long week.  But work is messing with my schedule -- isn't it always that way in retail ??   So I'm off Saturday and Wednesday for the next two weeks.  Ugh.  Sadie misses you, and seems to be lonely when I'm at work.  She wandered in your room and took a nap in there Tuesday. 

Just a few tidbits to share with you!
I miss you always,
Love, Mom