Money, Money, Money

Money can be a real pain.

Correction.

Managing money can be a real pain!

It's almost easier when you don't have much
to budget as you go.  When you have money,
there is a general laziness about it. 

Like, I bought a collar for Sadie and it doesn't
fit.  It sure would be easy to say adios to the
$8 it cost me.  But if I was struggling right now,
that same $8 might mean affording hamburger
to put in the spaghetti sauce! 

I've lived the extreme poor mode, struggling to buy only the items on sale and create some kind of meal out of those items.  Living paycheck to paycheck makes a person very aware of every dime.  I don't want to actually live that way again, but .... there are good things to be said for living that way as well.

First, you don't end up collecting a lot of "stuff" that you might like, but don't really need.  What you do buy are things that can be multi-purposed in your home.  A large bowl can be used for mixing up a pasta dish, it can also be used to hold soap and water as you're scrubbing something, or it can hold a few apples, ready to be munched on if you get hungry (because they're better for you than chips or cookies!)

Second, you get some real insight into what's important to you:

• A plant that looks nice, but you may or may not have the green thumb to keep it alive.  
• You think twice about grabbing that pricey coffee when the stuff at work in the lounge is free.  
• If it's still usable, you don't toss it out!  
• And even though it's a redneck joke cliche, "You might be a redneck if you have a full set of salad bowls that all say Cool Whip on the side of them."  
• 
  

That being said, for the time being I'm standing at the crossroads of having just enough
and learning -- or re-learning -- how to live on less again,
because retirement is looming in the not to distant future.

"Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants."

Hard Weeks Come and Go

Dear Brian,
It's been a hard couple of weeks.  Work has been keeping me busy, putting on a roof, trying to get some repairs done ... all the usual. 

But every now and then something springs into my mind.

and it gets me thinking waaay too much.

I cried half the way home because I couldn't get the thought of what must have been going through your mind.  Where did you get the courage?  You wrote that you didn't feel anything any more.  But that's not a truthful statement, because you were feeling .... things.   It hurts my soul, and the hole in my heart aches when I think about it. 

It's easy to keep busy and shove it to the back of my mind, but this week has been harder, because Tee and the crew are coming up for a 5 day stay-cation.  It will be great to have some family time.  Maybe that's what I need - some time to put new memories on top of the old ones. 

I got the backyard ready for company:  the chairs and bench are set up around the fire pit.  Dogs and s'mores are on the menu!  Remember the book you bought, "3000 things about Me"?  Well, I took that thought and wrote down some questions that we can all answer around the fire, maybe get some convos going with these teenage girls. 

The garage is taking shape, getting painted, and things put up in places where it's easy for me to find things.  I know you kept it in a way that works for you - but that just didn't work for me.  lol  You know what I'm talking about.  I bought some TSP and washed the garage floor where the apple cider had left it's mark.  I arranged some rugs and have my exercise stuff out there now. 

When the kids are here, I'm going to have A do a few little things - the front nozzle is broken and the threads are frozen.  Found some old VHS tapes of you and Tee growing up.  Maybe he'll hook up the VCR so we can look at them. 

The house looks fantastic with the new roof on.  Every day when I drive up after work, it's like someone who's wearing a new hat:  it just tops it off so good!

I'm rambling about all this to you because it's the only way I can get past some of the other feelings I have that make me want to curl up and cry for days.

I miss you every day - and even more when something breaks!
Love,
Mom