Family Time

 Dear Brian:

Just got home from a trip to Calif; we were there for Auntie's burial.

With the COVID pandemic, things are certainly off.  We had to make an appointment for her burial, there was a limit to how many could attend (20).  Once we made the appointment, we turned in a list of names with addresses and phone numbers for everyone who would be attending.  It wasn't easy determining who could be there, and who couldn't.  Of course, you know how it is with Auntie -- literally everyone in Santa Clara knew who she was.  If it had been open to the public, there wouldn't have been room to hold everyone.  

It was a warm sunny day; chairs were spaced six feet apart and we all wore masks.  The heck with the social distancing rules, some of us hugged each other!   It was sort of a clusterfuck in that the cemetery doesn't open it's gates for those attending until 5 minutes before start time.  Grandma and I tried to be there early -- that didn't go well.  lol .   We parked then had to wait, and Brandon escorted us in to the correct gate.  Too much anxiety for a day filled with so much anxiety!  

We had a party for family afterward.  Jake brought pizza and plenty of booze.  It was nice being able to share the day with all of them.  They even got Grandma to drink a shot of Fireball --- needless to say she didn't like it, and made quite the face!  They recorded it.  haha  Was too funny.

The boys were drinking shots of Fireball and beer and .... I don't know what else.  They were soused by the end of the night.  We chased them out at 10pm, Grandma had had enough!  The next day, Jake wasn't feeling well but he brought Zane by to see us all, what a cutie!  

But the whole time, I kept wishing you'd been there with us.  You should have been.

I miss you every day.

Love, Mom

Family First

Haven't been forcing myself to post as often as I should.  There's just so much going on around me right now, that taking time to write it all down just ... seems to much for me to do.  Which is usually the opposite for me.  I enjoy writing things down and getting it out in the open, and out of my system!

But it's just been a little bit much to handle.

And frankly, it's not the actual "events" that is the bummer.  It's the things going on in what I call "behind the scenes" that make me feel a bit ill.

When someone dies, there's a shift in every family dynamic.  Each person feels the effects of losing a person in different ways, depending on who that person was to them in life.  But instead of it pulling people together, making them feel closer to those in the family who are still here ... sometimes it makes people do funny, weird, crazy, odd things.  Back in "the old days", when families gathered to eat meals together every week, when families gathered together in sorrow to comfort each other, there seemed to be a different sense of family.   But something is missing in today's society.

My own family is a part of the 'new ways'.  And it makes me really sad. 

When things like this happen, I can't help but wonder about family dynamics.  My brother, sister and I were raised by the same parents, with the same values and were shown the same work ethic.  And yet we're all quite different -- and raised our own kids quite different as well!  How is that possible?  My own thought about it is that as kids we see our parents and we either comply with how they brought us up or we rebel and think we don't want to be like them at all.  I'm most like my parents, and live by what some call old fashioned values.  Family first.  When something happens, you're there for the rest of them.  When my dad was near the end, he made me promise to take care of mom.  He told me, "If there's a question about what should be done, ask yourself 'What would dad want?' " 

That's what I've been doing.
It's not always easy!
But family first.