2am, feeling crappy

2am, and I can't sleep.
For the past few evenings, I've gone back to computer chatting on irc and while there are a few nice men to chat with, so many of them are like high school boys - totally obsessed with the sexual aspects and not having much else of interest to say. 

One, RadioD, said hello, asked how I was built and proceeded to send me photos of his Mr.Happy.  I suppose there are some girls out there who would get a kick out of seeing some guy's penis - and being a photographer, I find the human body an art form, but definitely prefer  a body that's photographed well.

Another guy, Dan-, we've chatted off and on for a few days, and the convo is always the same, usually how he's wearing  robe, and ... well I'm sure you get the idea.  So I said that I prefer to have convos about interesting things, to get to know people.  He told me it was just chat, that I should relax and have fun.  I said interesting convo is what I find fun!  He said he's been chatting for 19 years --- and his convos haven't changed??? Ugh.

Another wanted to play Daddy .... I understand there are role play guys, and cybersex guys, and a whole host of other things that people seem to want or need from chat, but sheesh, there's more to life on a Saturday night than talking the same sexual type chats.

But then again, maybe there isn't. 

When you think about it, people don't get out as much as they used to.  We certainly don't socialize with our neighbors the way it used to be; we don't sit on our front porch, or take walks down our own streets.   We've become cocooned in our own homes.  When neighbors drive into their driveway after work, they go in their house, shut the door, and you never see them again unless you happen to pass cars as you're heading off to work the next morning. 

and maybe, just maybe, I'm avoiding the real reason I can't sleep.

Uh oh, I paused after writing that. 

I had a disturbing dream last night about walking past a man's house, just to catch a glimpse of him.  But had interactions with his wife and little girl instead.  I started writing it down when I first woke up, but it was the ending that I knew was the important part, but ended up forgetting it.  Even though details weren't similar in any way, I know that the bottom line of the dream was about how I felt -- ok, still feel -- about my long time chat friend.   I know that's why I felt the way I felt all day Saturday.  And I'm thinking that its time I moved on, try meeting people and maybe even try a date or two.  *sigh* 

What I really need is a good hour or two in the gym,
work some of these frustrations and anxieties out of my system. 

Ok, that's going to be my plan.  Wake up, walk Sadie, then head to the gym.
Because I'll feel better if I do that.
Then again, its Sunday, I should clean my house, top to bottom,
and be prepared for the week.
Yeah.
ok.  Back to sleep. 
Goodnight again.