Just The Way I Am

When does the excuse "thats just the way I am" let a person get away with stuff?  My mom uses that as an excuse, she has a mind that worries a lot, and uses anxiety meds to tame it down.  But it flares up, and I get the short end of the stick, and she always uses her famous line, "thats just the way I am".

Yesterday her anxiety flared up again because she was nervous about getting a steroid shot in her back.  I had left her house around 4pm. She was calling me to come back by 6.

So I drove over, then asked why was I here?  I just need you, she tells me.  Mom, I am here six days a week and I just left.  Then she sits there crying.  Mom, there's nothing I can do to help with your anxiety, its inside you.  More crying.   

Then she pulls out the big gun:  I watched your dad and your sister die and now I have nobody.  That blew my cork and I blurted out that my son committed suicide and I found his body and I dealt with it all alone.  I've been dealing with life all alone for 20 years now.  More crying still. 

I got up and walked to cool off, then sat back down and she says maybe we can help each other.  Gawd I wanted to roll my eyes just then.  I tried to have a calm conversation, but there isnt anything she has or can do to help me, so how could we help each other?  

Mom, its time we think about having some kind of nursing companion because im not equipped to deal with this.  She says I've never asked you to do any nursing stuff.  Mom, when you ask advice about medications, thats nursing stuff.  Even when a doctor tells you something (tramadol isnt addictive) you dont believe him.  So what I tell you doesn't mean much.  You need someone else to help with these kinds of things.

So I ended up sleeping over, and hate it.  She brought out the tears, and that just makes me mad.  I've tried to help her, but she ignores my advice.  And then I just give up.  Dont ask for advice if you dont want my opinion, or don't like what I tell you.  

And I dont buy "thats just the way I am"