Today, I am going to do things that please me. Easy to say, harder to do. We all have responsibilities and relationships that take effort on our part.
I'm finding I have too much time inside my head. Maybe its good to work through issues, but sometimes its just about things that can't be changed.
Working through my "mom" issues has been difficult. But I have realized some important truths. I was happier away from her. My second hubs was vocal with his opinions and once mentioned how my mother's house was a shrine to family. At first I didn't understand it because it was all I knew growing up in her house. But looking back, I can see it. If I had to guess now, I would say it stems from her desire to be close with her family when in reality, it wasn't that way.
Maybe that's why she insists on striving so hard for that, and what ultimately pushes me away. Because it feels forced. Always has.
Setting my own goals and boundaries to deal with her means she reaches out more. I'm still trying to learn how to not react when she does reach out. It isn't easy, because I know she expects me to jump when she calls. But I need to let that be her problem.
I finished her taxes, finished the scrapbooks, and all of that is going to be wrapped up, put away, and my house will return to being my domain. When we closed up her house, I kept some things, more than I needed, but they are boxed up as well. But I need to get back to me and mine. Huge goal, so I'll break it into smaller pieces, do a little each day.
I'm also finding that I haven’t had a feeling of accomplishment lately, and that's important to my well being.
Working on ME, on my interests, is a must. An important must. Otherwise, I'll just be buried under her thumb.
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