Meltdown Into Spring

It was not a good night for me last night.  I was asleep early -- as I always am after working all day -- but I woke up after about 90 minutes with a belly ache.  I was thinking I had food poisoning or the flu so I turned on a DVD of MASH and watched TV to wait out the feeling bad.  A heating pad on my belly helped quite a bit.  Maybe I was sore from going to the gym on Thursday.

But as I'm watching MASH, it was an episode where BJ was missing his family, got drunk and started painting the camp red. When Hawkeye caught up with him, he spilled his hurt feelings to his friend.  And it got to me.  I had my own kind of meltdown, cried and cried some more over the loss of my son.  I know that I'll never truly get over it.

So today to combat the dregs leftover from the meltdown, I ventured out on a walk.  It was a hard frost last night, but once the sun came out, it felt warm even when it was only 50 degrees. But that didn't stop me from trying to find signs of spring.  I think I needed to have the reassurance that things are looking up.    A part of that plan in this new year is to take more photos as I'm taking my walks.

I found this tiny sprig of Texas Sage with a bloom. 
There will be more when it warms up,
but nice to find that first sign.

Finding positive things in life
after the loss of someone important
is one of the hardest things
a human goes through.

Torch Cactus

Here it is, Friday night.  After a very full work week, I'm ready to settle in and ...... settle.

Dinner and a little bit of photo editing; a cool drink on the patio while reading a good story .....
it doesn't get much better than that for me!

But it reminds me as I write this that my focus should be on those little moments that make me feel good; to be able to put the job aside and stop thinking about it.  Some days I succeed better than others. 

When work is going very rough, I'm the kind who mulls things over every which way, trying to find a solution that works for me, and for the company, in all our best interests.  But the head honchos at the home office location are creating changes that are out of my control, and I don't feel an integral part of the overall picture, but more like a cog in a machine whose parts are wearing out.  So I've set my mind to arriving on time, doing what needs doing as best I can, then leaving it all behind when it's time to head home.

I'm hoping to get out and give my new camera a go out on the road ... who knows where, but outside my own backyard!   In the meantime, here's another to share with you.  This gorgeous torch cactus blooms every year on Mother's Day.  The blooms were huge and abundant this year!