Miss You

Dear Brian,

How much I miss your smiling face and your sense of humor.  You didn't often share those with the whole world, just the people you were close to.  I miss the sound of your voice and how you would fix things when they needed to be fixed.  (by the way, my shower valve is acting up .... )

I dreamed of you last night.  We must have been saying goodbye, because I held you tight and cried until you had to go.  For some odd reason, you were wearing a flannel shirt. hehehe  Familiar for Ohio, definitely not necessary for Arizona! 

There was some kind of sonic boom last night around 1:30am.  It woke me up, and I felt the percussion of it.  It knocked my TV off, and all the street lights were out, even though the power stayed on.  After that, I couldn't go back to sleep.  Which means I'm extra tired today.  But maybe that will be good; I have a weird shift on Monday, 4am-1pm.  I don't know what my BigBox store is doing -- do you think HD would hire me?

With all you had going on with the ex GF, and working third shift for quite a while, you were definitely sleep deprived.  Moving back home wasn't what you wanted to do, but was necessary.  I'm sorry if you felt I pushed at you to be your "normal self" again.  I scrolled through your photos on FB and realized that in your time with the ex GF, you lost weight, and your hair and skin wasn't the same any longer.   All the stress and rough times was taking a toll.  If only .... 

I say that often to myself.  I relive scenes in my brain and wish for a different outcome each time....

I miss you.
I love you.
Mom

Brain-fuzzed

And now it's Wednesday again.  Seems like the only time I have moments to myself are my days off, but they become filled with chores ....

Today was the MVD trip to get my Travel ID.  Actually, it was an awesome experience!  I went in, bypassed the line of folks who were waiting (about 30 of them!) and walked over, scanned my appointment ticket for 8"40am, and looked around to find a seat where I could see the call board.  There wasn't even time to find the board before I heard the woman call my name, and I was "in".  I showed her my documents, she took my picture and $25, and I was all done and out the door at 8:50am!!  After that it was getting groceries, and I was home by 9:40.  Talk about an easy chores day!

But then I flounder with the rest of my day .... to do something physical? to rest? I ended up cooking a meatloaf and eggs for the next few mornings.  Another attempt at creating a healthier lifestyle.  Soon it will be cooler and I can resume walking after work; that should help too.

I started on my photo albums, going to scan the really great pix or the ones with a story behind them, but as I got them out, I realized that I'm missing an entire photo album - the one that covers 1978-1981.  But then again, I have so many that sorting them out isn't easy!  At first, they were all chronological, but then you add in a second marriage and step kids.  When the divorce happens, you start to pull all the photos that ... well, frankly, all those extra photos weren't necessary.  I shipped them off to the oldest sibling of that family to enjoy. 

But I'm still confuzzled about the missing photos! 

I'm hoping they turn up.