Merry Christmas Eve

 Here it is, Christmas Eve.  And so many memories came rushing back to me tonight.  Living a full life means that there are *many* memories, but some stand out more than others.  Tonight, it was driving past the Dollar Tree store.  I remember when we had six kids and only one working parent - money was tight, but we still wanted to make Christmas fun for the kids.  They were between 8 and 16 years old, so we decided that we should draw names and then make a family outing to the Dollar Tree.  Everyone was handed their $1 (plus a dime to cover any tax) and had to purchase a gift for the name they drew.  One of the younger boys (Dougie) drew his PawPaw.  He found a toy slot machine because he knew he liked to go to "the boats" to gamble.  We all had a big laugh over that one!  The kids each found a gift for the name they drew, and we all opened them in turn, and it was a big pile of fun.  It wasn't the cost of the gift, or about impressing anyone.  It was the making of a memory that stands out.  And still brings a smile to my face! 

I enjoyed a pizza for dinner tonight, in honor of my son.  It was his favorite meal, and I truly miss him.

Another stand out Christmas for me was the year I was 14 years old.  I *really really really* wanted a 10 speed bike, with racing handle bars.  Mine was orange, and that's what Santa left for me.  It was a truly memorable one!  It was similar to this one!  I had it for years and rode it everywhere, including to and from work in my senior year of high school! 

Sometimes I wonder what memories stand out for my own kids.  Are they the same ones that stand out for me?  Probably not.  One year, my husband bought me a long red dress coat with black suede trim.  I loved it, and wore it until it was worn out! 

In the 90s, I sang in a church choir.  We always did a Christmas celebration with lots of music.  I really enjoyed those times.  But the best memory year after year is being at the Christmas Eve service.  The last song would always be Silent Night.  The lights would go out, and starting with the candles on the altar, everyone would receive a light from the person next to them.  For me, that's the best one.

  

I'm betting that your most precious memories had less to do with pricey gifts than it did with making memories with your loved ones.  Once your loved ones aren't around anymore, those memories become even more precious.

So go out, make memories for yourself, and for your loved ones.

Almost a New Year

 Dear Brian,

It's difficult to think that another round of holidays are upon us.  And to think that I'm going through it without you.  It hurts, but we keep moving forward as best we can.

Another surge of this COVID virus is making the rounds and they're advising that we don't get together with others from outside our own home to keep ourselves safe.  It's making things difficult for some.  I know Grandma misses being able to get together with friends and family, but she's very afraid of being exposed.  I spend about an hour a day on the phone with her, and end up doing a lot of reassuring.  She's surviving though!  

Jake and Haley had baby Josie Lee, and Anthony and Krissy are expecting in May - a girl named Aubree!  It's a growing family, and life moves on.

I painted my bedroom this year, two weeks ago, and happy I got it done early.  I caught a cold, and stayed home from work (SHOCK!!) but I was worried about COVID too. I sat on the couch bingeing on 7th Heaven and taking my temp every hour.  But it seems it's just a cold, and has already gotten better.  Thank goodness. 

I forced myself out to the park behind the library, got a few good shots, but I'm a little out of practice.  It hasn't been easy trying to be .... normal in an abnormal world.  But then, I'm not so normal even on a good day!  

It hasn't been easy going through these days without you.  If you were still here, I'd have no qualms about moving to Calif to take care of mom, and leaving you in the house.  But they were my long term plans, and that hasn't worked out.  I miss you every day, and think of you at least once every day.  When you were 16, you told me you'd live with me forever -- and we both laughed!  But now ... how I wish!  Things will never be the same, never feel normal for me.  I'm trying to follow your wishes and be happy, but it's hard to be happy when one loses a child.    I'll always love you

Missing you every day,

Love, Mom