4am Stuff

As anxious as I am to work on photographs, I also found that while I was on vacation, I would wake up at 4am and make notes in my netbook.  Sometimes the most extraordinary thoughts come to mind, but most often, they're what I call my "reality thoughts" --- its when I can be brutally honest with myself and how I'm feeling.   (Posting this at 4am, because it seems fitting ... but for once, I wasn't awake then!)

Ahh the joys of going back to your childhood home.  Short little flight and boom, this is where I spent most of my growing up years.  Nothing much changes in Silicon Valley - Its a well established and crowded area.  In the bigger picture of things, its too busy, too crowded for me.  But its family, it's home.

I experimented with photos out the plane's window, and caught this one with my hands appearing as ghostly images over the Valley lights  ... pretty neat, I thought!  Most of the pictures ended up being a blur, however, because of us moving, and party because its dark.








Some of my random thoughts while I was away:

Its so good to touch base, to swap stories, to reminisce about days gone by with family.  I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have that in their life, or worse, never had it.

~~~~~~~~~~

Its 4am, no sleep to be found.  That's a line from a Willie Nelson song.  And just happens to be true for me right now.  I am not sure why I wake up at this hour, I have been doing it for years.  I joke about it, and call it my worry hour, because I can think without being interrupted, perhaps.  It's when I get some of my best ideas, and my worst thoughts.  Almost as if reality is clearer at this time than any other time of the day.

Or maybe its when I can be the most honest with myself.

I was reading a few quotes about reality on GoodReads, thought I'd share what jumped out at me:

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”  -- Jim Morrison

And then this one:


"'You'll get over it' .....

It's the cliches that cause the trouble. 

To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. 

You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. 

The pain stops; there are new people; but the gap never closes. 

How could it? 

The particularness of someone who mattered enough

to grieve over is not erased by anyone but death.

This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit. 

Why would I want them to?"

Sigh.