I Wear Blue

Mondays aren't the best day of the week!  I am sure we can all agree on that. For me, it was tougher than usual to get up before the sun and head off to work.  All I wanted to do was not be here;  I wanted to be in Calif with my family during this crisis time.  Every family has different crises at one time or another.  Loved ones pass away suddenly, and there are arrangements to be made.  There's an illness or an accident, and that changes our normal routine while we react to the needs of those around us.

For me, it's been trying to see my family on a regular basis.  Flying back home once a month has become the norm, and those extra days off interfere with the work and home life routines.  Not that I'm complaining -- there's no place like home :)


But this latest crisis has been going on for some time.  My Dad has cancer; I've spoke about it in the past.  But I was reflecting today on what that means.  As part of his family, we need to be diligent with our doctor visits, and we need to be paying attention to our bodies when it tries to tell us things.  When Dad was diagnosed, it was colon cancer they found during a colonoscopy.  I thought he was having them every 3 years, and when it was found, it was Stage IV.   When I think about it, its hard to believe in this day and age with all the testing a doctor likes to do when you get a checkup that it wouldn't be found before it reaches Stage IV.


I spent a lot of time watching, observing and caring for my Dad while I was there.  I called my mother twice today to see how things were going.  I know that even with his pain meds that cause him to feel sleepy, he is very aware of what is going on around him, and hears our conversations.  Because of that, I've been encouraging my nephews to drop in, even if its only for 15 mins, to say HI.  I know Dad senses them around him, and hope it brings him some peace and comfort.

And yes, with this family history ... my annual colonoscopy is this Friday.
I'm crossing my fingers that it will all go OK.  :)

F*ck Cancer!

Cancer is one ugly disease. There isn't much dignity left when it comes down to the wire.  I know.  My Dad has been battling colon cancer for more than 18 months.  He battled with chemo and its effects and yes, it's taking its toll.  I admired how well he tolerated it in the beginning.  He has always been a trooper - his Doc called him Superman because of how well he tolerated all he's been through.

But July came around, and after a year on chemo, his doctor told him there wasn't much else they could do for him.  Chemo had kept the cancer from growing, but once chemo stopped... yes, its back, rearing its ugly head, and devouring whatever it can.

It's so hard to watch, to be upbeat in spite of the dire outlook.  But every other month, I have been here, if nothing else but to be emotional support for my Mom.  She's been a trooper as well, taking care of Dad's every little need.  No easy task, but we do everything we can for those we love.

This weekend's visit was on the spur of the moment, and I'm happy I came.  Dad hasn't been eating or drinking, and that's never a good thing.  Yesterday, he sat for so long in his mobility chair that when it came time to get up and hobble down the hallway with his walker, he couldn't.  We had to get him in his wheelchair and back to the bedroom. That's when we knew that things weren't going to be the same.  We got a hospice nurse on the phone and ordered a hospital bed.  It's set up in the living room with a nice air mattress.  We told him about it, and he didn't seem too surprised.

Around noon, he decided it was time to get up, and wanted to hobble down the hall with his walker.  Lucky, his big strong grandson, Jake, had stopped in, walked behind him in case he fell, and got into his chair.  He's resting well for now.  But he's been eyeballing that bed.  I'm not sure if its in a good way, thinking the bed will be comfy and handy to be out here with the TV -- or if he's giving it the evil eye, knowing .......  *sigh*

Fuck cancer - it's one of the most evil things on Earth - and if I have a choice.....  this would not be it!

Blue Ribbon

Am sporting my new blue ribbon,

in honor of my Dad,

who has colon cancer. 

He's always been my hero,

always will be!  

Love you Dad!  xox