Irritated - and then some!

Here I sit, irritated and agitated.  When I get this way, I like to turn my energy toward cleaning, or a project.  This month's project:  painting my bedroom.  I'm taking it from a two tone lavender to a single tone grey called "Silvery Moonlight".   And of course, there are so many 'things' in my bedroom, for every corner I want to paint out and prep for rolling, I have to move or put away (or better yet, TOSS OUT!) all the stuff, then prep the corner, and put things (ie furniture) back in position so that I can function through the work week with minimal effort.

I woke up and headed for work this morning, going in on my day off so that I can get things arranged and out of the way onto pallets.  We needed the room because this is the big weekend for layaway pickups.  But work being work, the minute they see me, it seems like every manager needed me to do a project for them.  Um.  No.  I am here on my day off.  No projects.  But they insisted.   And I tried, but the largest project they wanted done, cannot BE done until Monday.  So I stuck a note on it, and slipped out the door.

I was planning on doing shopping, but nope, not in my own store.  I was too irritated and agitated to make logical choices.  So off I went, heading toward home.  And the traffic!  It's the holidays, and yes, our snowbirds are here.  Most of them are driving slower, trying to find their way toward the next stop - and me, all I want is my normal 'commute traffic' on the way home -- people who drive the same road at the same time, know their way, and some even know how to time lights.
Nope.  Not.  Today.    UGH

Then, Sadie.  What can I say.  I'm tired, I'm irritated, and I can't get her to settle.  All I want to do is work on my paint project.  Find her a bone.  Play fetch.  Sit outside in the sun.  Nothing lasted more than 10 minutes before she would be underfoot or in my face, wanting ... I'm not sure what she wanted all day long.    

Until 5:30pm. *evil laugh*   I was fed up with her by then, and snapped her leash on her -- time for a freakin' walk.  And not just one of those leisurely "sniff and stroll" types.  We marched on and on -- according to my phone for 21 minutes at 3.4 mph.     20 minutes later, and she's laying here, still panting.  lol  

Yep. I'm a mean doggie mom!!

Purple Ribbon

  

You never know the when and where

all you can do is your best,

to keep your hopes up,

your chin high,

and live life to the fullest.

My sister had a biopsy today.

Her original diagnosis:  pancreatic cancer.

She's only 54 years old. 

We have our fingers crossed, 

prayers winging their way to heaven, 

that the biopsy shows a different outcome.  

I'm sad, and anxiously waiting because she's my sister.

But when I compare the closeness my mother and aunt have,

I realize my sister and I aren't that close.  

I'm blue collar, she's white collar.  

We live in different worlds:  

I'm paycheck to paycheck, and she's always had money.

But that doesn't change the facts. 

What worries me most is how this will affect my mother.

My sister lives near her, and has taken on a lot of the decision making processes regarding doctors, how to handle the bigger expenses like real estate taxes and insurance, you get the idea.  Of course, just 2 short years ago, Dad died after a year long battle with cancer himself.  She was the one who took care of all his needs through all the chemo and other doctor related issues.  It's too soon for her to do this again -- and with her own daughter. 

My heart is heavy trying to figure out what's right, what needs to be done, what should be done.  I'm torn over the fact that yes, I could take a hardship transfer from my BigBox store and move in, take care of things - but is that the right thing to do? the fair thing?  Both my kids live here, and my son is special needs.  Yes, he's grown up, but there are still life decisions/issues that need a helping hand where he's concerned.   Can I handle things long distance?   I could fly up once a month like I did for the last year of my Dad's life, but my sis was always able to pick me up at the airport.  Now I'd have to find some kind of ride? Rent a car?  All these major concerns to consider.  A lot of travel will impact my own life as well, especially money wise.  So now is the time to begin thinking in that direction.

Good thing I've stocked up on chicken breast, brown rice and green beans!  I'm set for the next month as far as groceries go!   (sounds boring, eh? lol ) 

Which also brings me 'round to the next issue:  my own health.  Time to get to my doc, get things checked out, let him know the latest, and see what needs to happen for myself as well.  

You just never know - so if you're putting off your own doctoring ... don't!