Past The Day

No post yesterday because its the hardest day of the year for me.  It's been five years since the day I came home from work and found my son dead in the backyard. 

The visuals are impossible to get out of my head.  I try to stay busy and keep those thoughts in the background.  But night time is the worst.  So I'm extra tired today. And a little bit cranky.

The heat doesn't help.  

I miss Brian every day; we were close. My goals .... well they don't matter any longer and in many ways I am lost without him here.  

But life keeps moving forward, and sometimes I'm just swept along because it's the best I can do in the moment.  

It's easy to wish others would know what I'm going through, but there's no way I would wish this upon anyone.  

My tribute full of stories and photos can be found at www.forevermissed.com/Brian-court

Being a parent who has lost a child changes everything. 

Old Age

Last night, in the middle of the night,  I had really bad foot cramps.  My toes wanted to curl under, and when they did,  the pains woke me up each time.  

I know my system isn't in balance.  I didn't bring enough Powerade with me to my nephew's house. And I got home late and didn't drink one.  I've tried to remember but probably didn't drink one Sunday either.  

I'm hoping that's the major cause of this.  *fingers crossed*   I made sure I had plenty of water and a Powerade today and that tonight will be better.  

Its funny how age has affected the do's and don'ts in life lately.  Eating less to lose weight means I don't get nutrients. Take pills to make up for those lost nutrients. 

Do we ever win the little battles?  Not every time. Not any more. But I'm aging as gracefully as I can.  It sure isn't easy.