Chasing Demons

I think as a whole, people naturally resist change.  I'm probably worse than the average - I dislike changes, they upset the 'norm' and there are adjustments to be made. Friday when I hit the gym, UGH, they moved some cardio machines around, creating another 'row' of them, which are further from the TV sets - that part doesn't bother me, I don't do TV.  But moving them created a large open floor space, room to do stretching, and other types of aerobic activities - like jumping rope, etc.  BUT.  and its a big butt --- oh wait, it's me with the big butt hahaha -- the last thing I want to be is on the floor, doing some stretching etc, right out in the open, as if on display for everyone who walks in the door, and others who are on machines that face directly into the 'new open area'.  They HAVE a room for that sort of thing.... why not use it for that?  I'm hoping this is temporary, because my big butt isn't going to be facing all those people coming in the door as I'm on the floor doing "my thing".    I did my cardio, did my strength training, then headed out the door - no stretching.  I'll have to do that later this evening.

Going to the gym for me has been about chasing inner demons.  Work has been hellish, and extremely frustrating.  Some home issues have been challenging as well, and its all so aggravating.  I know, I know, life is about changes, and if you accept the fact that things are going to change on a daily basis, you're one up.  dhings etter able to roll with it.  I know it in my logic, but my psyche doesn't accept changes very well.  So going to the gym and burning up a couple hundred calories helps.

At home, once I'm done with work and the gym, I've been spending lots of time in the backyard, working on getting it looking nice.  I want to be able to come out here on a warm summer's evening to sit, relax, watch stars, or anything else.  that's my goal and I've been working diligently at getting things all done.  Its a process.   But keeping busy helps keep those demons at bay.

There's nothing worse than feeling as if you're chasing demons all day long.
Unless the demons are chasing you..... 
There has to be a better way.
or.  Its me.

Well. I know some of it is me,
I don't let people in very often.
If at all.
But I'm trying.