It's Not a Surprise Party

Dear Brian:

I sat at my computer today, selecting photos and music to create a DVD that represents you, and your life.  It wasn't easy, but it sure was fun.  Looking at all the photos I have -- thousands!! -- and remembering all our adventures, home projects, just having fun with family;  it was fun to see all those, and makes me glad I like taking pix!  But it was sad as well.

Struggled a bit with the music -- some of your fav songs, well, the lyrics aren't so appropriate.  So I did the next best thing:  selected the intros from a bunch of your fav songs and slung them all together.  It should make for a very ..... interesting reaction!  :)

Here I am, making plans for a celebration of life -- it's like planning a surprise party ....
only you won't be there to be surprised.

Each day I'm putting one foot in front of the other, to cope.  Sometimes it's having to cope hour to hour.  I can tell when it becomes too much, and I have to go sit down, take a break.  It's like my mind can only hold so much information before it needs to reboot.  Sleeping is the same way for me.  I can sleep about 90 minutes, then I'm awake.  Sometimes I'll walk Sadie into the living room and back before I crawl into bed, turn on some Netflix show, and try to sleep some more.  Last night must have been rougher than most, Sadie let me sleep in til 6am!!

I was putzing around in the garage storage; a shelf fell and one of the bottle shattered all over.  I cleaned that up today with the vacuum to get the itty bitty pieces, and did the rest of the garage as well.  It was still full of styrofoam pieces from the piece you cut a couple weeks ago.  We took that out of the window temporarily because there wasn't enough light in your room to clean things up, gather up the laundry and get it all washed.

My days are broken into bits and pieces.
Time has become "before" and "after".

Love,
Mom

Celebrate Life!

When a child is born, we celebrate!  It's one of life's most precious gifts.  And each new child is given a life to lead on this Earth.  But what happens when someone dies?  We have a hard time celebrating because of our own pain, our own mourning, our own feelings.  We miss the one we lost.  It hurts when someone we love is no longer in our lives.

The truth is, we should celebrate the time we had with a person, no matter the length of time we had with them.  Today was that kind of day.  It was sad to say goodbye to Dad, but the memorial service we planned was a celebration of his life!  My sister knows how to plan great parties, and this one was the greatest of all!  We had a worship service, sang the hymns Dad had requested, the choir sang the song Dad liked so well - they even wore their choir robes because that's what he wanted! - and my sister spoke, giving a loving tribute to him.  I was so proud! because she has the ability to speak in front of a crowd.  Me?  I always say "My Dad was a man of few words -- and I'm just like him!!!!"

We showed slides of Dad throughout his life that I made for him on the last Father's Day.  Some of them were funny enough to make the entire crowd laugh out loud!  And I was so pleased about that - people needed to be able to put a visual to all the facets of the man my father was.

After, there was a reception of finger foods, and we had put up special photos of Dad everywhere, and showed even more slides from his life.  So many people came to honor him - some were people who didn't know him, but who know his children.  How a man raises his children says a lot about the man he was.  Of course, after that, everyone headed back to the house - the house my parents have lived in for 49 years! and we continued the party, the stories, the celebration.


I'm proud to say I'm his daughter.
and I know that he was proud of me.

Celebrate Life!
We sure did today !!

You are missed, Dad!  love you :)

Would You? Could You?

One of the reasons I moved to Arizona was to be closer to my granddaughter. However, it seems my daughter and I have differing opinions as to how that closeness is going to work. I've been here six months now, and it's Bree's sixth birthday. So my daughter, who is a social butterfly, decides to throw a party {complete with the Wizard of Oz theme!} With that, I knew there would be a party in the park (since that's where my directions were to). 

 In my mind, I envision the whole thing: kids and adults; food and cake; pictures and gifts. And plenty of ex-relatives to go around. Since I'd driven two hours to attend, we were planning on spending the night. So my assumption is that I can survive a two hour party with my ex husband, his wife, the ex mother in law, et al. 

 I'll paint you a picture: A very warm Arizona afternoon, trying to be civil, with a smile pasted on my face, camera at the ready for a few chosen Kodak moments, and small talk with the ex's. Yes, I wandered off on my own several times because ... there is a REASON I divorced him, and the family. And just maybe my daughter feels a need to have us all together, but dang, ya know??? Said party ends about 1:30, and with a huge sigh of relief, she says "follow me back to the apt and we'll go swimming". 

My Vision: a relaxing afternoon of swimming and frolicking with Bree. But... that is not to be. 

The Reality: Turns out that later, "the whole gang" is coming back for dinner, etc. They arrived at 4 and didn't leave til after 9. My ex mother-in-law has always been 'outspoken'. I endured cracks about Walmart, "sand in the schlitz" {good grief you don't REALLY need that explained do you?}, and small talk all day about things and people and whatnot that I am not familiar with. It was a very very very long (did I mention long?) day. 

So... I ask... Would You? Could You? Endure a day from hell with the Ex's in order to make your granddaughter happy?? And I also ask.... when there's a next time... What would you say? or do? [I know I'll be giving a "Divorce happens for a reason" speech to my daughter! lol]

HUGS to everyone!