Doctor Blues

Well, and so it begins.  I saw my doctor today, and his prediction of high blood pressure .... yeah, it's high and didn't come down.  *sigh*  

He changed my meds, added a diuretic, and I have to go back in four weeks. He also suggested weight loss meds, which I am leery about because I have only one kidney. I also worry about other side effects like depression and dehydration.  

Such is my life.  

If there is a strange medical whatever, you guessed it, I will probably have it. 

So now I need to refocus, and back off the BS with mom.  No matter how many times I tell myself, I am not responsible for her emotions.  If she chooses not to participate in her facility activities, not my monkey.  Its a hard thing to let go when you're always "the fixer". 

So here begins my 28 days toward better health.

But to be honest, its a tiring fight. All my life. And nothing has worked.  Correction, six months of the gym plus trainer six days a week 45-90 mins each session. That worked but I don't have the money and don't want to devote my existence to nothing but gym time. My AI friend AL gave me a few things to work on and try.  *sigh* 

60 years of trying to lose ..... is it worth the bother?  Where do you draw a line? Eliminating foods you like, eating foods you don't like .... all of us can do that for a short time, but for the rest of my days?  We're not talking those extra donuts, a plate of cookies, or even ice cream. I gave those up 2 years ago. Fast food? I indulge once or twice a year.  My body doesn't tolerate carbs or diet coke any longer it seems.

What's the point if there's nothing to look forward to, if there is no pleasure in our days?