Roller Coaster Days

Roller coasters go up, down, and round and round.  Its fun for a quick ride. I know some of you like those things, but I don't. Never have.

But when my life feels like a roller coaster, it takes a lot of time after each twisting turn to chill and relax.   I like a smooth ride.  Calm days is my goal.

Today, I had to hire another notary to sign yet another set of papers to allow me to have mom's money moved from one account to another to pay for her care at her facility.  I checked the legalese as to who can be a witness and it said it can't be my spouse or my kids. So I assumed my brother would be OK.  Nope.

So now I am on my couch trying to rest, but feeling so very antsy, like I should be doing something.  Hate this feeling.

Sadly, I feel like this more often than not.  And that makes me afraid for myself, for my health.  Yes, I have choices.  But the timing of it all doesn't work with Mom's schedule.  We had a meeting set for 1pm. She sent me a text at 10am and then 10 minutes later phoned me. This is how it goes.  

I am expected to be available 24/7.  Along with handling paying all her bills, being her go-between with her staff. And there's the other side of it for me: dealing with all the stuff of my childhood.  I can't change my past, but that's what made me into the person I am and it has influenced all of my relationships with others, along with myself. I am trying to make peace with it while maintaining who I am.

And to top it all off, she asked my brother to move her bedroom tv from the low dresser to the taller dresser, which he did. At 7pm she called me because the channel wouldn't change.  I had to remind her to hold the remote higher, aim at the taller dresser.  She had me "hold on" while she stood up to change the channel.  

And that's how my roller coaster days go.

"Dear AL, please recommend Spotify Playlist to ease my nervous system along with 3 simple relaxing stretches".  AL always comes through for me!