Faded Memories (1996 or so)

Sometimes, something comes up that brings back a wave of memories.  That happened to me Saturday while I was noodling around on the computer, looking at some music files to transfer to my MP3 player ( yes, i know, I'm Old Skool!!)   Back in 1996 (while I'm not positive this was the exact year, its close), I was married but not happily.  I considered myself content, but perhaps because I didn't know any better?  

And somewhere in there I met JavaJoe from Chicago online.  In 1996, the internet was just beginning to be readily available, and I was learning all I could.  There were newsgroups and IRC to connect with folks from all over, all of us learning what the internet could do for us!  We started chatting and sharing, we had an instant sympatico, with long conversations about nothing and everything at the same time.  

He taught me so many things,  and introduced me to the singer Joshua Kadison. And the song Beautiful In My Eyes.  I love his album "Painted Desert Serenade".  He has a unique style of story telling in his music, but Beautiful is my favorite:

"You're my peace of mind in this crazy world.

You're everything I've tried to find

Your love is a pearl

You're my Mona Lisa 

You're my rainbow skies

And my only prayer is that you realize

You'll always be beautiful in my eyes."

It was through JavaJoe that I learned what a truly deep love is about. I can remember humming this song to myself, my arms wrapped around a pillow, smiling as I drifted off to sleep.  It also made me very aware that my own marriage wasn't everything it could, and should, be.

We never know where true inspiration will come from, or where it will lead us.  Here more than 15 yrs later, I rediscovered this music, added it my iPod and have listened to it many times today.   And it makes me understand why I am still single to this day.  Finding a man who can resonate that feeling toward a woman is rare. And I'm not willing to settle for less again.  Three times was enough!

Remembering Chuck

Long ago, and yet the memory is still strong; I wrote about this chance encounter I had with a special person.  When I re-read this paragraph I'd written, it seems as if it was a brief encounter.  But in fact, it went on more than six months.  He was a 911 dispatcher, and I worked retail, so our lives were very off schedule, as both of us had rotating schedules.  Finding time to chat, make phone calls and even meet up was something that we worked on.  

• One of the most amazing loves of my life was extremely brief; and yet it still goes on. We met in a chat room, and there was instant "chemistry"; we became friends. Chats turned to phone calls, and one day out of the blue, he called and said "I want to take you to dinner." He was going to be in town, so I arranged to meet him in Zville. Normally, I'm a shy person; when we met, it was hugs at first sight, then a little bit of awkward chit chat. But dinner was super; it was so much fun to finally meet and talk face to face; it was as if we had known each other forever. And even though we're further apart, geographically speaking, and the time we spend chatting is less (we both have busy lives), when we take the time, its as if time stood still and we pick up right where we left off. This wonderful man accepted me as I am, treated me like a queen, and showed me what true love is about; he will never be forgotten. And I never miss an opportunity to tell him I love him. True love may not be the stuff in fairy tales, but it can be just as wonderful if you open yourself, and your heart. Nobody knows or will ever know everything they need to know about love. Its elusiveness is part of what makes love seductive. One can only obey the great law of the heart that says "As long as you live, love one another and take the consequences."

While I remember writing about this special guy, I realized that I didn't go into details.  I wonder if the memory is as true as reality was?  

I started writing down the story of our encounters while I was at work, and I thought I tucked it in my purse so that I could put it here, but it seems it isn't in my purse now, and oh boy uh oh if someone finds it ..... lol  

Chuck was a very special guy.  We chatted and talked on the phone, and then we agreed to meet up and have a meal, and see where it goes from there.  And boy did it go!  (blushing grin)  I will always cherish the memories we made.  We shared a meal at Waffle House, and I wrote the following poem afterwards. 

cowboy boots and hat 

soft touches, 

fingers reach me 

touch my soul deeply 

 snuggling together 

such an amazing night 

this can never last 

 me, holding his gaze 

goodbyes said at waffle house 

cowboy boots and hat 

LD Poetry©2008

I just learned yesterday that Chuck died in December 2020.  

I will miss his laughter, his kindness and will cherish our memory forever.   

Goodbye, Chuck.  You were loved!  xo

Rants about chatting

No one is more arrogant toward women, more aggressive or scornful, 

than the man who is anxious about his virility. ~~Simone de Beauvoir

Saw this quote online today, and it reminded me of chatters ...... It's not the first time, and won't be the last, but the other day, I started up a chat with someone who's local to me (meaning within 50 miles! lol) and we exchanged the usual up front questions about age and jobs. This one was a teacher. I think in all, we exchanged maybe 5 lines of conversation when his next line was ... "So, are your nipples brown or pink?" And my reply was "and... we're done!" and he promptly went on my "ignore this person" list. Ok there are some creepy types out there, but this one bothered me a bit... he was up front enough to tell me he was a teacher .. and he's out there teaching our kids????? ACK. Why is it that men think they need to know that? Are they under the assumption that asking those kinds of questions turn women on? 

When it comes to conversations with the opposite sex .... are there limitations to the kinds of questions one should ask? or answer to? I checked, and there are a number of websites that deal with chatting etiquette. And most have sound advice. One of the worst things to deal with are what I like to call HNG's, or Horny Net Geeks. They're the kind who are generally rude, and ask about personal information as if it's their God given right to know everything about you. They have little or no manners, and seem to treat people like they don't have feelings, like they're not other real people. Or perhaps they assume that because we're online and chatting, we're so desparate, that we'll answer to anything just to talk to someone, no matter that he's a sorry HNG. For me, I don't and won't, put up with that kind of behavior. And I'm encouraging the rest of you to get a thick skin when it comes to getting questions like this, and put that HNG in his place. We're better than that. And deserve to be treated with respect. 

 Well, I could fill this with a bunch of "If only... " phrases. But the men who are worthy, already know it. And the ones who are HNG's on a selfish pursuit won't read this anyhow. LOL

HUGS to everyone!!

Blogging

As usual, I can be found most often in a chat channel using IRC (Internet Relay Chat). And today we were talking about blogs... (curlers): I blog every few days or so, sometimes it's just a little blurb or something *shooes figures no one cares what I have to say anyway hehehe (curlers): me too (curlers): lol (shooes): :) (curlers): no one wants to read my drabble, but I share it anways. (Gal): funny how every blogging place has its own great features. Wish my fave features from each was all in one place. (TuLips): just like your men, GAL :)) (TuLips): no one give two hoots about what goes on in my life, cause it's boring hon (TuLips): Dear Blog... today I woke up... woohooo - started out right then :) (BobEvans): do you record your dreams for public review? (TuLips): just her sex ones, BobEvans (Gal): hahaha!! and yeah. I've done that, get up in the middle of the night and blog. then go back to sleep. but then, I'm not normal. (BobEvans): I don't know if I want to put all my info out there and soon the conversation in the chat channel died off: (Gal) and everyone is off reading something personal about someone else, in some other place, some other time. (curlers): lol (Gal): why are we all fascinated with how others are living? (Gal): is it because we're not as connected as we once were? And I got to thinking (don't I always ??? lol) about blogs in general. What's the draw to reading other blogs? And .. do those who blog read a lot of others? Or just a select few? Do those who don't write blogs tend to read more of them? Perhaps its like being a voyeur - getting a glimpse into another person's life and experiences. I tried to consider the type of blogs that interest me most. Usually it's the ones that are well written, with a dash of humor thrown in; and usually about life experiences and real thoughts. I don't usually care to read an unknown person's fiction, but I DO enjoy the fiction if I already know the person. It's funny, once you start reading a blog, and getting a slice of that person's life, you tend to go back and read it again. Besides the MySpace blogs of friends that I read faithfully, I read two others, and they're no one I've ever spoken with before. But it can be fun! And I hope those of you reading this feel the same way about my blogs: Its just a little slice of the pie from my little corner of the world. And hopefully brings a smile every now and again! So go out there and read a blog! or... write your own! And if you do, let me know where it is, so I can read it too!!

HUGS to everyone!

A Date with Scooter

I became single in the month of June. And by September, I had struck up a chat friendship with a gentleman who's nickname escapes me. But, that's not important. Let's call him OhioGuy. (It was probably something close to that.) We'd struck up a chatting thing off and on for a few days before he said he would be in town and wanted to meet for dinner. We had swapped pix, life stories, and all the other things that come up in topics. I was hesitant, but he reassured me. So, after work, I decided to drive on up. He had given me directions to the hotel, and said that I should pull up to the valet parking (ooo la laaaaa, did I feel special!) So, amidst a bunch of nerves and all that, I arrived. And met OhioGuy. He was there, waiting in the lobby for me. He opened the door, said "You must be Linda", and gave me a brief hug. As with every internet meet, you're never quite sure what you'll get ... some folks don't look like the picture they sent, and some do. And while a picture might be worth a thousand words, it's hard to judge things like height if there's no reference point (or the colored, numbered stickers like they have on doorways to 7-11's!! haha) He was a bit shorter than anticipated (not a big deal) but the smile was just as friendly. 

 We walked uptown a couple blocks to a restaurant, and sat down, ordered dinner. Now, first dates usually make me nervous, and eating isn't a top priority, but its what everyone wants to do it seems! Ah well. A few awkward smiles across the table and the conversation starts with simple things ... the drive, what business he's in town for, the usual stuff. And somewhere in this conversation, a few things shock me: First, he's not really single, or separated. (for me, that's a deal breaker) . Then he tells me that everyone calls him Scooter, and always have, and would I call him that too? Well, sure. But. The phrase "Ohhh Yessss Scooter" just has an odd ring to it, am I right? [laughs] But the one thing that convinced me that a one night stand is NOT in order, is that with his white hair and beard (which he didn't have in the pic he sent) made him look very much like my Dad. At this point, I'm pretty certain the evening isn't going to go the way Scooter thought it might!!! 

 After dinner, we go back to the hotel, and up to his room to change into swimsuits, because this particular hotel has a hottub on the rooftop. It's a warm Indian Summer kind of evening, and we have it to ourselves. We're smiling, and talking, and I'm looking at the stars as they pop out into the night sky. There's a gym up here, too, and it's full of men working out. And about 15 minutes later, the doors roll open and all these men are done working out, and check out the temp of the pool (too cold) and several come slip in this huge hottub with us. After smiling and exchanging looks (and oh yes, eavesdropping on their conversation) , two and two finally come together -- they're on the LA Galaxy soccer team. So there's chubby-me, my date Scooter, and 5 or 6 young hardbodies in this hottub. I'm not sure if this is a good thing, or a bad thing. Wait. Its a good thing.... nothing like a bit of eye candy to round out an evening!! 

 Back in his room, we changed into street clothes again. Well, I did. He decided on a pair of loose shorts and a T-shirt. A couple of kisses later, the old "I better hit the road, long drive, work tomorrow" excuse comes out. He walks me down to the lobby, waits until the valet brings my car, and kisses me goodbye. I drive off into the warm night air with mixed feelings. It was really nice to be on a date again, to laugh and be with somebody, but ... this was not The One. lol