I cry

Dear Brian:

It's Friday, and I'm off work because I am covering the next 5 days for Reena, who is off on vacation.  Not that anything is a vacation these days, just time away from work, since we're all still stuck at home in so many cases.   This COVID thing is still making people a little bit crazy ... except for me.  Things for me seem very normal -- I go to work and then I'm a home-body and enjoy my solitude!

But it's been a rough week for me.  It feels as if every time I turn around, there's a reason to think about you and I get sad all over again, my heart breaks, I cry.  I can't believe you you chose your way out.  No matter how strong you think I am, it's not the same without you.  I was strong because I needed to be, for my kids.  Now there's not as much reason.  

But I keep going because that's what I do.

How I wish ....

How I wonder ....

But I will never know.

I love you

Mom

A Mother's Love

My first Mother's Day without my son.

I have never known a depth of pain 

this difficult,

So very hard.

At the same time,

May 10 is the day my stepson died

tragically taken from us all

2008

I know my boys

are together

jamming to some rock music,

the classic rock,

the good music.

Life brings us things beyond our control

and we are left to deal with it

learn from it

and hopefully grow, too.

I love you, 

both of you.

We all miss you very much

Love,

Mom

A Tear Fell (LDPoetry)

Dear Brian,


a tear fell today
trickled down my cheek
and washed away a little pain
one drop at a time

like rains that caress
and shape the mountains,
a tear shapes and eases my hurt
one drop at a time

a tear fell today
sliding slowly down my face
and takes a small piece of hope
one drop at a time

like streams that trickle
moving rock down mountainsides
pieces of hope tumble away
one drop at a time

i know there will come a day
when pain is gone, hope returns
and my tears slow down
one drop at a time

There are days when I cannot let go of an image in my mind of you, and it haunts me at every turn.  It's not every day, or all day long, but lingers there like a shadow that doesn't go away.   At times I want to scream out "NOOooooo!!!"  and "Come baaaaaaack!!"   but I know that it won't change a thing.  

I had pizza for lunch today, and I thought of you.  

Not that I don't think of you every day, 

but sometimes there are things that make me think of you even more.  

Pizza, of course, is one of those things!  

Grocery shopping completed, I'm boiling chicken for supper, and hoping Sadie lets me sit in some sunshine this afternoon.  Her obsession of riding in the stroller has increased, and she whines at me to go.  Usually around 5:30pm every day!  lol silly dog

I love you.  Always.

Mom

Just Another Monday

Monday morning
tears fall
time to focus
work to do
wandering aimlessly
go away, tears
re-focus on
tasks at hand
mind wanders
heart hurts
go away, tears
time to focus
work to do
tears fall
will this day
ever end?

©L.DanielsonPoetry