Dreams End

Little girls dream of things like happy endings, happily ever afters.  We are taught this from a young age.  And even at my age, and after three divorces, one would think I'd give up on those silly notions.  While my ideals about what makes for happy ever after have shifted, I still want it, still want to build that future ... but I'm more easily pleased with the simpler things: sharing books and movies, a love of art, being content with a game of backgammon while sitting on the front porch, and of course talking. 

The reality of my life, however, is much different.  I have a house here, and a son who depends on me.  Am I finally where I'm supposed to be?  If so, then maybe its time to give up on that dream of happy ever after, and face what seems to be the truth:  I've had my marriages, and am meant to be alone now.  After all, I've been alone now since June 2004.  This summer will mark eight years of solitude, of having to do on my own, to make decisions about money and health issues on my own.  I'm certainly capable of doing, but its the nights that get to me.  Those long quiet nights where you can't sleep, or when you wake from a nightmare and there's no one to hold your hand, no one to talk to in the wee hours to get past the scary part. Maybe there comes a time in life where one gives up the old dreams... but we must always have a dream in our heart. 

"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."