Struggles

This has been a week of struggles.  Work struggles.  Life struggles.  Decision struggles.  I'm not one to dish out a lot of details while I struggle through things.  Sometimes its easier for me to work it through on my own than to think it out loud into the blogosphere. 

With work, its issues with a new managerial staff, and it seems as if each of them has an oar in the water, but no one's paddling in the same direction.  Which results in covering a lot of the same ground over and over again.  Frustrating for people who like to have a clear goal and just get things done.  Very frustrating.

 

With life, its ... well, I'm calling it a growth period.  Now that there aren't major goals on my plate, its time to refine the smaller goals, or find some new goals.  I've been "status quo" for a couple of years now, and its time to branch out in new directions.  I have been doing it in small pieces, local concert in the park, a night hike in the mountains.  Small steps in the right direction :)  I think one of the things that I really need to do is take a vacation by myself.  No kids. No family.  Something and somewhere I really want to go.  When I was home, I didn't get any beach time, so I'm leaning in that direction.  Or maybe some mountains, forest, trees, hiking.  I'll have to do some research.

Decision struggles are self explanatory, yes?   Everyone has decisions to make, from what to have for dinner to what do I want out of life? And sometimes in life, we reach a point where there aren't a lot of choices when  stuck in a rut.  You either do, or don't.  And if you don't like those choices, do you suck it up and keep things as they are?  

Sometimes change is a good thing, a necessary thing, 

no matter how much we don't like it, or want it to happen.  

Sometimes change helps us grow into the next phase. 

“Sometimes good things 

fall apart so better things 

can fall together.” 

-Marilyn Monroe

Experiment #1

Every day after work, I head to the gym.  I don't allow many things to get in the way of that -- it's my time, it's important to me, and I enjoy it.  (Well, most of the time!)   So I've decided to conduct an experiment or two, just to see what happens.  

Background:  When I dress for work, its in jeans and a navy polo shirt (as required).  None of it is very flattering, and I need to have comfortable shoes for climbing around on ladders, pallets, you name it.  So, I go for comfort rather than looking good. or girly.  Same goes with my hair.  Most days, it's pulled back out of my face, because it can't get in the way of working.  With all that going on, my morning "primping" doesn't consist of much girly primping!  And after a long day at work, in the lovely work uniform of course, I head into the gym.  Not a look that turns a lot of heads, ya know?

I slip into my workout clothes, a pair of bike shorts, and a sleeveless top.  It doesn't hide much, and it doesn't flatter much, either.  Climb onto some gym equipment and go for it, getting all sweaty.  How is it that some women can carry that off -- looking good while they're panting and sweating up a storm???  Definitely not me. After said workout, I usually just grab my gym bag, slap sunglasses on my face and head out to the car really fast. 

So.  What's my experiment?  Not sure if its daring ... or playing with fire ....  but after my workout today, I climbed out of my gym clothes and slipped into a black and white zebra print ankle length halter dress and silver sparkly sandals.  I let my hair down, combed it into reasonable shape, then slapped sunglasses on my face and headed for the door.  

I paused to refill my water bottle.  

I held my head high.  

And pasted a half smile on my face.  

I'm not sure if I was noticed, but its a gym.....  we all know what those are like!  I did get one smile from a nice looking man.  :)  Sure felt good !!

iChing

Separating.
It is beneficial to persist.
Progressing.
Keeping a cow brings good fortune.

Separating from something. It is good to persevere with that, this is progress. It's a good idea to invest for the future, to be able to handle the loss.

Like a fortune cookie, or horoscope, you can read all kinds of things into a few simple words.
*ouch*

Vessel

In my Goodwill adventures, I came across this piece on Saturday.  And just had to have it.  I'm not sure what it is, exactly.  But it appears to be some type of water vessel perhaps?  With a cord on the handles, might it have been worn around the neck?  Or is this just some rendering of someone's venture into learning clay?  Either way, its definitely a piece that will add interest to my decor!

In Native American culture, water is used 

as a symbol of purification and cleansing

Closet Cleaning

I don't know about you, but I have a hard time getting rid of things I "might need" at some point in the future.  I tend to hang on to odd things.  Maybe I'll toss a bottle of shampoo that I dislike, but I'll hang on to several little samples of ones I'll probably never try!  hahaha I'm just weird that way.  But it feels really good to toss them and be rid of them forever when you get up the nerve to actually do it!

Yesterday, I spent some time in my closet -- yes, again!  I pulled out clothes that I haven't worn in two years, clothes I'll probably never wear again.  I was prompted by this on Friday -- reminded, actually, that I have things in the closet I don't wear for good reason.  Being down 20 lbs, I found a pair of pants to wear to work, slid into them, happy that they fit.  But about an hour into work, and I realized why I didn't wear this particular pair.  Not necessarily because they didn't fit, but more because they were a lousy cut in the first place.  While being made for a woman with a big butt like mine, the thighs were cut too narrow, and they just didn't feel comfortable.  Not because they were snug in the thigh, but more snug around the knee part, and ever step felt like the next step would have them sliding off my rear end!  Not a good look for work!! 

So yes, those are going in the Goodwill pile.  I ended up pulling out a garbage bag's worth of clothes I decided wouldn't be in my closet any longer.  And given that between work and the khaki pants, navy blue tops I am required to wear, and the gym clothes I wear after work, who needs the rest of the clothing??  Lets face it, unless I get some kind of serious relationship going, I sure don't need a closet full of other kind of clothes that don't get worn.  I should decide on a number.  Like 10.  That's a nice round number.  Pick out 10 nice tops, and two nice pants, and chuck the rest.  Hard to do, though.  I have a few nice dresses,  few fun pieces, and some... well, maybe because there are memories attached.  Maybe I'll just try them on, snap a picture, and then put them in the Goodwill bag.  Memories are just as good in pictures as they are holding on to the real thing.  :)

They say in Feng Shui "things  you haven't used for a year don't attract positive energy."  And maybe that's the change I need.  I'm practical, however, and will keep things if I believe they will become useful.  So it's not always an easy line to draw.  But here's an example:  I used to be a Girl Scout leader.   And as a leader, I had a t-shirt I wore for meetings and events.  I've been hanging on to it, its full of memories for sure!, but now I'm going to take it out of the closet, put it into the "gym wear" drawer, and wear it for workouts.  Let's me keep the memories, and still useful too!  There's always a way around throwing something out, if you just repurpose something!!  But that means really using it, and not just leaving it tucked in a drawer, or hanging in the closet!

Treasures

"One man's trash is another man's treasure."  ~~~ That much is very true.  And the evidence can be seen at any local Goodwill store.  When was the last time you shopped in a Goodwill store?  I never tire of going in and looking at all the things people don't want any more.  And if you have an eye out for things, you never know what you'll find! 

Over time, I've collected a lot of different things.  Lately, I'm more interested in things that I can actually use.  I always look for PYREX  brand glass bakeware -- they work well, they stand up to the tests of time, and frankly, I love how they look!  I'm not sure it matters to me if its old, or new.  However, I do have some pieces that I know are very old  (Scalloped handle 1926-1939)  -- an inheritance thing, you see.  :)  Here's today's find:  

I also collect antique or unusual kitchen gadgets, like this one:

Not sure what specific use these tongs are made for, 

but seems like it would work well for olives, 

given the rounded shape and 'fingers'.

If you haven't shopped a Goodwill store in a while, maybe you should give it a try again!  You never know what treasures you'll find in there! 

Alone.

Alone. or Lonely.  Both of these words seem related, but they don't mean the same thing.  Alone is being by one's self.  Lonely is a feeling, being left out.  That's my word for the day.  (along with pensive and thoughtful it seems).

One of the things I noticed while on vacation.  Being a single gal, being alone, means that I can pick up and go wherever, whenever I choose.  It means not to share a remote, tv station, choice of meals.  I can come home late from work, get up early and take a walk.  My bedroom can be as clean or as messy as I make it. (which, sometimes it truly is a disaster! ... I finally got it back sorts last night after my mini vacation!)  My dresser drawers, my stash of "things" doesn't get changed, moved around, because there's only me.

But there are times when being alone can feel lonely.  It's a feeling that comes and goes from time to time.  I went home for a few days, and enjoyed the freedom of making my own choices.  But I also saw things that eeked a little loneliness into my emotions as well.

When I see a couple on the street, for example; holding hands, walking together, sharing a comment or a smile.  I hear people at work talking about their spouse or partner, and there's a bit of envy.  Granted, the "grass is always greener" and maybe some of them envy my own freedoms from time to time.  But life is meant to be shared.  People need to be with other people.  At our core, we are social creatures.

Some of you may be wondering what's this all about?  In a nutshell, I fell in love with a man who is my best friend, my confidante, the one who makes me smile.  But there are issues. 

So where does that leave me?  Lately, I've been spending more time at the gym.  At home, I'm doing more cooking again, and a little gardening every day.  My house is cleaner as well.  And I've been reading more, and doing some writing again.  All just distractions, however.

It's a learning curve to deal with the feeling of being lonely.
It's a choice to be alone.
Most of the time, it's not a choice I regret.
But there are moments......

Tooosdays

Tuesdays are an inbetween kind of day.  

It's no longer Monday (thank goodness!) 

but its not close enough to the weekend, either.  

So just a few random thoughts from me today:

• Time is something you can't return, you can never get back.  Don't squander it.
• Sometimes we have to adjust the dreams we once had into dreams that fit into how life is now.
• Yes, I can run at 5.0mph and not panic!
• WORK is a four letter word!!!
• Big Girls are beautiful, with curves in all the right places
• Dougie:  You are missed and loved, your spirit carries on.
• A real woman needs a real man
• I wish you joy and happiness but above all this I wish you love 
• Never, ever take your family for granted.
• Does 60 minutes on the treadmill equal "Foot abuse"??
• Best friends are forever.

Life is too short, make the best of each and every day!

Come Fly with Me!

Nothing like a quick little trip to visit my folks in the Bay Area.  My Aunt and I decided it was 'girls weekend', so off I went -- without my kids!  I haven't taken a flight in over five years. And with all the changes that have happened, as you can imagine I was a little leery of what to expect.  We flew out of a small, newer airport here in the Valley, and it was pretty casual.  Yes, we still had to take off our shoes and walk through a metal detector, but we've been doing that for years, not such a big deal.

We boarded our plane up the tail cone staircase -- that was a first for me!  We got all settled in our seats, and then we sat there.  The pilot came on the overhead speaker to tell us about the flight, temps in California, and why we were just sitting there.  Seems the plane needed a pitstop to change a tire.  They jacked up the plane while we were in it, and got it done.  We took off late, landed late.  It was beautiful flying into the city and being able to see all the lights at night.

On the way back, we left from an International Airport, and yes, security was much tighter.  After removing shoes, putting all the 'stuff' thru the xray machine, we had to stand like you see on tv:  Between two big boxes, hands raised up to our ears, feet shoulder width apart for 10 seconds.  I happened to be wearing two metal bracelets, so I was stopped, they had to be inspected.  Some gal wearing gloves came and turned them on my wrists as she looked them over, making sure they weren't.... well... you know how it goes.  I have to admit to a thought I've had after that, however.  If people are recognizable by their dental xrays, will they also be identifiable by their airport body xrays?  Are they beginning to collect those?  Oh such paranoid thoughts, but its a strange world we live in at times.

Our plane took off on time, no mishaps, no tires needed to be changed.  We sat on the left side of the plane, and according to the captain, it was going to be a pretty view along the coast as we flew south.  And he was right!  It was fun looking down at buildings, cars, life as it was going along at its own pace.  We landed in good time, a few minutes early, during the eclipse at sunset.  It was gorgeous, I tried to snap a few pictures and liked this one the best. (Can't tell its an eclipse, but I liked the heat it implies)

Thoughts: R-Z

Ready for anything:  in omnia paratus  (Latin) --  are you living life "ready for anything" ??

Someday - I've ranted about this word often.  It's my least favorite word right now.  Someday will never happen if you're too afraid to take the first step.  So many of us want to get things "ready, lined up, squared away" before we're ready to tackle the next "someday".  Don't wait, life is too short, get out there and grab hold of your someday right now!

Take my hand, I'm standing right here, You gotta hold on.   ~Tom Waits lyrics "Hold On"

Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.  e. e. cummings

Vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.  ~Robert Orben  I'm having a bit of a vacation myself, visiting family.  Short and sweet, that's how I like 'em :)

When the world says Give up, hope whispers Try it one more time.  ~Henry David Thoreau

Xis is the 14th letter of the Greek alphabet. (I bet you thought I couldn't come up with a line for the letter X! hahah)

Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you.  ~Frank Tyger

Zany, Zippy and Zona are all good Z words that fit this Gal!

I hope all of you are enjoying your weekend :)  

*Hugs*

Sisters

A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost. 

 ~Marion C. Garretty

 

A sister is a gift to the heart, 

a friend to the spirit, 

a golden thread to the meaning of life.  

~Isadora James

 

(this is my aunt and my mother, sisters always)

Moving Help

I spent a couple hours with my best friend yesterday, helping her move.  My brother loaned me his truck so I could help move a couple of dressers and a loveseat.  I'm chuckling in the aftermath, because it was comical in a few ways.  She's much more of a girly-girl than I am. 

So we're moving this loveseat down a flight of stairs ... slowly.  (We're old, we don't want to hurt ourselves!! haha)  We get to the bottom, and we're carrying this thing a few steps and she says "I gotta stop."  so we do, and she sets her end down.  Now I'm carrying this thing, have been walking backwards, and the couch when its in my hands covers my face, so I can't see anything.  I can hear her taking a few deep breaths then I hear "I can't get my fingers underneath" , so I tip the couch a little to the right, and tell her to stick her right hand under that corner first.  Then I wait for her to say Ok she's got it, and all I hear is rustling feet and a few grunts.  And I'm thinking WTF? 

Because we're lifting a couch end to end, I'm assuming she's on the other end, facing me, trying to help, right?  So I peer around a corner of the couch to see what she's doing, and I see her ass facing me.  "HEY!  Why am I seeing your ass?? Get around the end and help me lift this thing!"  and she tells me "I'm trying to get my fingers under the couch."  (if you've moved furniture, you know that you'd be on the end, not the side!!)  With as much patience as I can muster, its "Get around to the end, I'll tip it one way, then the other so you can grab hold."  Of course now she's a little tired, my end of the couch is still in the air, so she'll be doing all the lifting.  She gets it part way up and I can feel the wobbles of her attempts.  I tell her "Crouch a little, balance it on your thighs so you can get a grip." 

Mind you, we're only about 15 steps to the back of the truck.....  At the time, I sure didn't feel like laughing, but now, looking back, I can.  hehehehe   We got the loveseat into her new apartment, along with two dressers as well.  Although I'm shaking my head because she's not one who does things ahead of time. She's got 10 days to get moved, and those were the FIRST items to be moved.  lol  Here I thought it was a few of the last pieces to be moved!!

Best of luck, GF!  You'll get it done, I'm sure!!

#1-Fan!

Lots going on today -- out at the ballgame where my nephew plays in a local league.   (All of my nephews play baseball, so much fun to watch them!)     Here's Triston ...

Thoughts: I-Q

Since I'll be out of town, I thought I'd share some thoughts... alphabetically!  As usual, just random thoughts and quotes that are striking me at this moment:

Interval training - I've switched up my treadmill routine: 30 minutes at 3.8 mph, with a one minute run at 5mph every 5 mins.  Something I've never been able to do before!

Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.  ~Author Unknown

Keep your inner fire burning.

Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does.

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

Never give up on your dreams -- they do come true, if you're willing to work hard at them. 

Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it's a cha-cha.  ~Robert Brault

Pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them.  ~Leonard Louis Levinson

Quietly I sit here, wondering what to post, what not to post, wondering who reads these posts... Thanks for taking the time to read this one :) 

~Gal (chuckling to herself)

Can't Sleep

Don't you hate it when you can't sleep?  I'm not at home, not in my own bed, I should be very tired .... and yet here I am awake at nearly 4am, been awake for nearly 2 hours now.  Ugh.  So what's your remedy for nights when you can't sleep.... traditional glass of warm milk?  a snack? drink of water?  As you can tell, I wake up and log on.  Why I think that helps, I'm not sure. hahaha  I suppose if I were home, I'd slap a movie in the DVD player and let that lull me to sleep.  But no TV in the bedroom here. 

I think I'm getting older now; it used to be I could imagine someone holding my hand as I curled over and went to sleep.  Or maybe not being able to imagine it is part of my reality.  Or maybe I'm just not trying hard enough to do that anymore.  Is there a point in life where we stop thinking about possibilities and accept what's here and now?   Ok, I better correct my opening statement:  I know I'm getting older.  lol  Staring at the screen for 10 minutes while I try and remember what I'm trying to say ... just saying. *laughs

I best try and get some sleep again.  Could be a very busy day tomorrow!

Family4ever

After a hurried and flurried morning, a leisurely relaxing lunch time, and a quick zip into a local store, we finally had company arrive for dinner.  It was such fun to see old friends, and family, after being away for a year.  Wine flowed liberally, steaks were on the grill, home made potato salad... yummmmmm.   Dessert was chocolate dipped strawberries.  Good times catching up with nephews, brother, sister, all the inlaws.  I was telling a friend how nice it is to just sit and be comfortable, and be me.  This is my family, and no matter what, no matter how things are going in life, they love me and i love them.  just the way they are. 

There are moments when I'm ..... watching, and wishing, that there was someone special in my life, someone to share things with at the end of each day.  And then I think about all the things I hear about from other women about men, and think WTF do I want that in my life for?

Right now, there's no one I have to share the TV or remote with.  No one to share the bathroom with.  No one else's dirty socks to pick up but mine.  No one else to cook for if I don't feel like cooking.  Yes, there are lonely moments, but is it worth giving up my lonely moments for all that sharing?  Its a hard line to draw at times, and I'm never sure where I stand on the issue.  Maybe I could make up my mind better if Mr. Right showed up in the picture.  But I'm not out there seeking him.  He will have to find me.  And then make an effort to win me over and keep me forever.

Sorry if this sounds rambling, but .... wine does that to me :)

iLove2walk

Patterned shadows in early morning

Interesting wall textures!

One Bite...

One Bite leads to another.... Even on vacation I have to watch what I eat.  Being around family, there are certain "favorite foods" that come up.  And potato salad is my downfall.  Watching what I eat for breakfast and lunch, I will definitely be enjoying some of that potato salad for dinner with some BBQ :)

Knowing this, we got up this morning and walked.  The sunshine was glorious,the temperatures were low enough so that you didn't overheat.  We took a walking path along a canal.  Found a few roses in bloom....

Hope everyone's Friday was a good one!

Thoughts: A-H

In looking at my posts, I have to laugh, as none of them are any kind of theme, they're more just the rambling crazy thoughts of middle aged life.  Hope that's ok, cuz I don't see it changing! haha

Some thoughts for today:  

A day off work, and I started it with a workout at the gym.  Forgot my mp3 player, so I didn't stay as long as I usually do, as my own musical choices are a bit different than the ones they play overhead in the gym.  (Gotta love 80s hairbands to get an old chick rockin' and rollin' with a good tempo!)

 Blondes have more fun!  I saw my hairdresser on Saturday, and she did me up all highlights and blonde streaks, I just love it!

Change is good - even when we don't like it!  (Although I'm pleased with recent changes of my own -- down 20lbs!!)

Don't ... stop... thinking about tomorrow!  ~Fleetwood Mac

Ever watch other people at the gym?  Today, a chick on a stationary bicycle watching her soap operas.  Gotta love it!

Fitness - if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body.  ~Cher

Goals are dreams with deadlines.  ~Diana Scharf Hunt

He who seeks beauty shall find it.  ~Bill Cunningham

Do It!

Everyone at some time or another
has been sucked into someone else's drama.
I don't know about the rest of you, but that's just not my thing.
Most times, I prefer no drama, relative peace, with a live and let live attitude.

But sometimes, you get sucked in anyhow.

It's the same with someone else's dreams, whether its a big house in the country, a cozy shack in the woods, a modern apartment in the center of the city; a big family or no kids, a happy marriage, or the promise of a great job after college. And yes, sometimes I get sucked into that as well.

It's great to have dreams, we all have them, and should have them.  It's how we achieve the next steps in our lives, working towards our goals, our dreams.

With the economy the way it is right now, sometimes those dreams, those goals, take longer.  What  happens, though, when you have reached a few of your dreams?  A friend who's about the same age as I am was talking to me about life in general, and where we're at in our lives.  We both own our houses, but money's tight as hours are cut at work.  We sat there asking each other the usual 'how are things going' questions, and came up with the conclusion that at our age, we're kind of boring! as nothing is going on in our lives.

That's when we decided that this isn't what life's about - we need to be doing things now that the other parts of our lives are settled.  Life should be lived, take a few risks, travel to some place you've wanted to see.  Personally, I tend to do that with short day trips when I get the urge to take pictures, be one with nature.  But its time to venture further, to take a few overnight trips, and get out there, see more places, take some risks even if it means spending a little extra money.

Because life's too short to have a life that revolves around going to work and back every day. 
I don't like quoting corps, but like Nike says... Just Do It !

Tequila!

Patron Tequila is my favorite alcohol, by far.  One year for Christmas, a bottle was sent to me (Thank you!!), and I certainly enjoyed it.  When I moved into my house, one day I happened upon a tequila agave that was rather sad looking, so I bought it and took it home to plant.   Just recently, I wondered about it, and started to research this plant, and found this video.   I learned that it takes more than 8 years! to grow an agave before its harvested.  These guys do an amazing job :) 

According to Wikipedia:  "Tequila is produced by removing the heart (piña) of the plant in its twelfth year. Harvested piñas normally weigh 36 to 91 kg (80–200 lb).  This heart is stripped of its leaves and heated to remove the sap, which is fermented and distilled. Other beverages, such as meacal and pulque  are also produced from blue and other agaves by different method."

Here's the tequila agave I planted.....

Anticipating a few Patron shots 

this weekend when I visit my family......

Cheers!

Its Inevitable

Some things in life are inevitable:

"There is no such thing as Coincidence. Only Inevitability."

"There comes a time in one’s life when you must accept your fate and come to terms with the inevitable.  As much as you tried to will it away, you always knew that the moment would arrive that you feared the most.  All that is left now is it to acknowledge the unavoidable."

For all of us, there are moments when we just know that there's some thing -- that no matter what we do, or what we have or haven't done -- in our future.  As if that something is set in stone, something we need to go through.  Maybe its to make us grow.  Or maybe its for us to learn something.  Whatever the Universe's reason for it... we don't always like it.  Sure, we're human, and we want things to go our own way.  And there are some things we can do to make events lean toward our heart's desire.  And other times, we just have to go through it.  (Which reminds me of a country song:  If you're going through hell, keep on moving before the devil knows you're there.)  

Sometimes its important to be on the other side of this something.  In looking back, perhaps we can see what our lesson was, or how it made us into a different or better person by having been there.  Sometimes, the things we go through end up being some learning experience we can share with someone else down the road -- sometimes even years down the road.  

When I started on this topic, I found quite a few quotes on how to overcome obstacles, and how not to let failure stop you from succeeding  In many instances, these are good, and inspirational.  But it doesn't touch on the things that come at us in life that we just need to accept, and then move on.  

But how do you know when to move on?  

When do you finally accept "what is" and go forward?

There are easy answers to some of the things that come at us, but there are a few tough situations in life that warrant taking a second and third look at things and assessing, then re-assessing.  I found this last quote, and realized that in the majority of situations, this is very true:

 "Thinkers do not accept the inevitable; they turn their efforts toward changing it."

 If there's something in your life that is inevitable, move through it, and move on.  If there's something you can do to change it, then change it.  Don't let it put your life on hold, I'm not going to!

Signs, Signs

Remember that old song?  Sign, Sign, everywhere a sign, blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind. Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign? by Five Man Electrical Band. 

But do you ever have things "presented" to you, and you see it as a sign?  It's one of those things you have to watch for, pay attention, keep in your present mind.  And when a sign comes, its screams "pay attention".  Sometimes I do, and sometimes I think I know better and don't.   Maybe it's not a literal sign like a billboard, but its a sign, just the same.   Let me tell you about this one:

I've been friends with a man for eight years now.  We talk every day, he's my best friend, understands me (well, as much as he can understand a woman, mind you!) and I understand him (again, as best I can, as men are elusive creatures!).  It's enough to say that we're close.   Last week on Amazon, I found a book I've been looking for listed in Large Print, hard cover.  I first read "Forever and the Night" way back in the 90's, and have remembered the characters all this time.  Uttering the phrase "just do it", I ordered the book; it shipped from somewhere back east and arrived on Friday.  I spent yesterday and today reading the book, enjoying every minute of being immersed in the story line... but I digress.  I finished the book not 15 minutes ago, and turned the last page.  And there I discovered the original library stamp:   

Flathead County Library, Kalispell, MT

This significance, and the sign?  It's where my best friend lived, and spent many hours in this library.  What are the odds that I order a book from the conglomerate Amazon and get a book from his own library?  I am certain he's never read this particular book, it being of a romance nature.  But still, the odds are pretty fantastic that it would happen this way, don't you think? 

In my current state of mind, I find this totally significant -- 

and did you ever notice how the word significant starts with the word sign  ???

Another example of the synchronicity that encompasses our lives if we watch for the signs. 

Sinfully Delish!

Happy Mother's Day !

This is a box of Shari's Berries - 

the best chocolate covered 

strawberries ever!  The box 

was shipped well insulated

with an ice pack in it as well 

to keep the berries cold. 

These were the biggest

strawberries I've ever seen.... 

and yes.... sinfully delicious! 

And a cute display of a potted flower

in my favorite color... Purple! 

Many thanks to my daughter and granddaughter

for thinking of me!!

Girly Day & good finds!

Every gal needs a "girly day" now and then.  I don't do them often ... but they're necessary, I think!  There's a part of us that needs to get fixed up, dressed up, so that we feel as special as we know we are.  This morning I got up and headed out to see my hairdresser.  Every eight weeks, Erin makes my hair into something manageable again.  Today was highlights and colour.  Anyone who's had this done knows the drill.  It's a long time to sit, but well worth it.  

I'm watching Erin after she's washed out the chemicals, completed the cut, and she's blow drying my locks, and I can't help but wonder what to do with my day.  Because I arrive so early at JCP Salon, the store's not open yet, so I don't get to browse before my 'do.  And suddenly I realize something very important:  If I shop after I get my hair done, I tend to look for, look at, and even buy, things that are usually too girly for my normal every day wear.  In the past, I've bought jewelry, blouses, slacks --things I don't have much occasion to wear, but they appealed so much after spending two hours on the hair.

What is it about taking the extra time to feel girly that changes our outlook on everything else?  Maybe its a good thing I don't shop for other things like living room furniture or accessories.  I shudder to think what I might pick out for furnishings in an overly girly mood!  *giggles* 

Once I realized that's what I do, or rather when I do it, it made it easier to shop.  I was also on a mission in my shopping trip:  I was looking to buy a pair of jeans in the next size down!  :)  And since I'm still working out, and still have another 45 lbs to go, I only shopped the clearance rack.  Why pay full price for something I'm hoping won't fit in another 6-8 weeks?  And ... lucky me! I found a great pair of jeans for $9.  and a purple hoodie for $11.  
I was very pleased with my findings! 

Waiting. Sort Of.

After enjoying the concert last night, I found myself ruminating about things I observed, and compared them to my own life.  (I'm never happy with myself when I do this, but I find myself doing it from time to time.)  As I sat looking out over the lake, the band, the crowds, it was hard not to observe the things that I miss the most:  a couple holding hands, sharing a smile with someone special, making memories.  I've always said that its the little things that make life wonderful.   Sometimes its hard when you choose to live a certain lifestyle choices that doesn't fit in with how "society" or the media deems is best for people. But its plain to see that the world revolves around people who are a "couple".

Since I don't know who reads this, or not, I sometimes wonder if its OK to bare my soul here.  I start to, then I erase some things, because frankly some things have no business being aired.  But watching the world coupled up brings up so many of those feelings about how the world is supposed to work.  There are days, and even more nights, when I long to have some one there to kiss goodnight, to hold my hand, to give me a hug when I need one.  But that means sharing other things as well, and I'm not certain I'm willing to give up the closet space.  *laughs*

Giving up on a dream (or is this a fantasy?)  is the hardest thing to do. We tend to hang on to fragments, and don't look at the bigger picture.  But a relationship can't be just fragments.  A friendship, maybe. But I'm talking about the coupled up kind of relationship. I guess that means companionship with a little bit of stars in your eyes. And yes, eventually I want that special kind of relationship in my own life.  I've been alone so long, though, that I am happy with where I am, what I have, for the most part.  Maybe being attracted to unavailable men has to do with wanting to feel that specialness, without making the commitment.  Makes a little bit of logical sense. 
But since when does romance or love have anything to do with logic?

I can feel myself rambling, as I'm wont to do when emotions are running rampant. 
I'm a good woman,
and the right man
will want to build a life with me. 
In the meantime, I'm here.
Living Life.
and Waiting.
Sort of.

Concert!

We live in a great community here in the Valley of the Sun; several times throughout the year, there's a free Concert in the Park at Freestone Park.  Tonight's band:  Rondavous -- a high-energy country band that is fronted by a talented, energetic, female singer along with strong male vocals.  ( link to their website here)  They played lots of country fav's, even did some Johnny Cash and Patsy Cline!



 

There were a lot of people in the audience.  The kids danced up a storm, and even some of the adults.  It was a great evening, warm with a slight breeze.  After the sun set, there's something magical about a concert ... lights ... sharing music under the stars. 

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.  

~Berthold Auerbach

 Music is love in search of a word.  ~Sidney Lanier

Hump Day ...

... and what a day it was! Work, being work, had its own stresses.  Then today was a personal trainer day -- always a good day.  But today was a bit sad - my training sessions ran out.  I'm going to miss working with Damien.  You can be sure that any extra income in June will go towards that!  The scale showed my hard work this week, another 1.5 lbs down.   And he pushed my limits again -- that's so like him!  We ended our session swapping phone numbers, he'll be hearing from his "level three ninja warrior" !!!!   *laughs*

As evening approached, a dust storm rolled in - the sky was dark and ugly, at times appearing a brownish red from the dust here in the valley.   Then the thunderstorm hit, it rained hard, the wind was blowing about 50mph in some places.  Usually takes me 25 minutes to get home, today it was 45 minutes.  Creeping along in traffic, I snapped a few pictures.

Out the back window...

And a break of sunset
below the clouds




Hope your "hump day" was good!

It's not the scale

When a person starts an exercise program, or a diet even, the focus is so often The Scale.  And while that may be the ultimate goal to achieve, there are other things that are just important:  progress. 

When I committed to working out on a regular basis back in March, there were so many things that I couldn't do.  It was a challenge to my trainer finding what I needed to work on first.  At first I could only "plank" for 15 seconds on a good day.  Now, we're working toward a whole minute.  "Bridges" have moved from two feet, to single leg, to balanced on a ball.   The  worst was my balance.  My left side is much stronger than my right.  I could only stand on my right foot alone for 30 seconds if I was lucky.  Now, I balance on each foot for a minute and I don't lose my balance (well, usually I don't. hehehe)  All three of these exercises are done every time we meet, in succession three times, for a superset.  And that consistency has brought improvements, progress!

The point is when you keep working at something,

it's the small victories that we need to hold on to. 

it's not checking the scale for the only measure of success.

Keep focused, and keep on trying! 

Cheat Days

It's not often I allow myself to have a 'cheat day' while I'm doing all these workouts at the gym.  So far, I held off 30 days before I gave in to a chocolate bar back in April.  Today, I allowed myself a York Peppermint Patty.....   "Get the sensation!"

Ohhh yeah, I'll take one of  THOSE!

I also took the day off from doing exercising or walking as well.  I had a session with my trainer on Weds and Thursday.  On Friday, I was feeling really good and did more than my fair share at the gym (45 mins elliptical, 30 mins treadmill, plus a bunch of weight machines as well.)   After all that, I still went on the moonlight hike up in the mountains.  :) 

It's been a nice, relaxing weekend overall.  The weather has been very nice, considering its time for it to heat up here in the Valley of the Sun.  Now if only a few more things would work themselves into place .....  but that remains to be seen.  Soon we'll be turning on the AC and hibernating indoors more -- much like I used to during winters in Ohio!!  Hopefully, your weekend was just as relaxing!  Take Care :)

Moments

Every now and then
I have these moments
moments of clarity
moments of fear
moments when I'm not sure
which end is up.

moments of joy
moments of regret
moments without hope and
I want to give up.


moments of the blues
moments of depression
moments of hating the waiting
for someday to happen.

moments of love
moments of laughter
moments of sharing even the
smallest of tidbits with you.

moments of knowing
you are my future
moments of doubting
you will be my future

moments of knowing
that life must be lived
with or without you.
Life is full of moments.

SuperMoon

A supermoon, is the coincidence of a full moon (or new moon) with the closest approach the Moon makes to the Earth on its elliptical orbit.  Today was that day.  Here are some pix I took around 845pm.

 Hope you got to go out and get a peek for yourself!

Art Museum

On an errand today, I found myself in downtown Mesa, and decided to stop in at the Mesa Contemporary Art Museum.  My son was with me, and the showing there is called "Metals", so I thought he might enjoy that.  (Needless to say, it wasn't what we thought it would be!)  But there were some nice creations in there.  I took several pictures, but since its art and considered copyrighted, I probably shouldn't post them. (Their link said I could take pictures without flash for educational purposes.... is this educational? hehehe)

"Copper, the 29th element, is prized for its excellent malleability, conductivity, and ductility. Celebrating Arizona’s Centennial as well as its status as is the leading copper-producing state in the U.S, this juried exhibition features contemporary artwork that is made primarily of copper."

There was a beautifully worked copper teapot entitled Tea Time.  Two beautifully worked gourd-shaped containers in copper and enamel.  A gorgeous leaf bowl done in wonderful greens with small birds interspersed.  A "Box of chocolates", oversized Valentine heart shaped box with decorated candies inside.  And a "Cockamamie Candle Holder" done in black iron, with springs, nuts and bolts, and other salvaged items.  (Liked this one a lot... yay for upcycling!)

The museum was free; if you have time to look around, it's worth it!

Moonlight Hike (photos)

We arrived at 

White Tank Mountain Regional Park

just before dusk, 

had time to look around, 

snap a few pictures 

before we start on our Moonlight Hike.

Saguaro Cactus typically

bloom in May, 

this one is just about to flower.

Looks to be great moonlight for our hike!

This is a very nice

regional park, 

lots of picnic spaces

and great trails











Dusk deepens and we're
about to depart....

Halfway into the hike, 

a view of Phoenix suburb lights

and the moon, of course....








... and a shot of Venus, too!

Moonlight Hike

Tonight, there was a Moonlight Hike held at White Tank Mountain Regional Park.  So I started out this evening (without realizing it was 45 miles from home!), ready for anything.  It's a beautiful park, and when I finally pulled in to the area where the hike started, it was so quiet, you could hear the little breeze blowing, no sounds of city life interfering or competing with nature.  That, of course, would change as the hike was "family night".  Plenty of folks showed up for the hike, about 50 in all, I'd guess.  The moon was full, and so very bright, that we didn't need flashlights on the trail.  In fact, we even had shadows of ourselves!  We hiked about a mile and a half down to Mesquite Wash, which is where all the rain runs down off the mountain.  Usually the rangers give more of a lecture, but tonight there were so many kids who were enthralled to be looking for scorpions -- did you know they glow neon green under a blacklight? So that was enough entertainment for them, it seems.  :) 

The mountain range is named because of the white precambrian granite in the mountains.  During seasonal heavy rainfall, accumulated water tends to rush rapidly through the steep canyons, over time scouring out a number of depressions or "tanks" in the white granite near the base of the mountains. These white "tanks" are the source of the mountains' name.

 Eleven archeological sites, occupied during the time period A.D. 500-1100, were located within the boundaries of White Tank Mountain Regional Park. All of these sites can be attributed to the Hohokam Indians. The White Tanks were apparently abandoned by the Hohokam about A.D. 1100.

A little bit of history there.  All in all, it was a grand evening.  The temperature was about 90 degrees when we started out.  You could feel the shifts from warm to cool air in places; it was very refreshing.  If you stopped to listen at any point, you could hear crickets busy chirping away.  As we headed back to our starting point, from the mountain you could see the city of Phoenix spread out in the valley, all the lights glowing and twinkling.  Definitely a good night for a hike.  Wish I'd had more time to explore!  

Just arrived at the park, loved the colors in the sky,

had to snap a picture! (More in another post)

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Here in the Valley of the Sun, a big day of celebration! I'm not sure there are parades and such, but plenty of tequila and margaritas making their rounds :)

In checking Wiki for info, I found:

It is celebrated nationwide in the United States and regionally in Mexico, primarily in the state  Puebla.  The date is observed in the United States as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride, and to commemorate the cause of freedom and democracy during the first years of the American Civil War.

Mexicans and Latinos living in California during the American Civil War are credited with being the first to celebrate Cinco de Mayo in the United States.  Contrary to widespread popular belief, Cinco de Mayo is not Mexico's Independence Day —the most important national patriotic holiday in Mexico —  which is actually celebrated on September 16

TIME magazine reports that "Cinco de Mayo started to come into vogue in 1940s America during the rise of the Chicano movement."  United Press International reports that "The holiday crossed over into the United States in the 1950s and 1960s but didn't gain popularity until the 1980s when marketers, especially beer companies, capitalized on the celebratory nature of the day and began to promote it."  (This last part made me chuckle... Americans love any excuse to party!)

So slip into your party sombrero, dish up some nachos, pour a margarita and enjoy!

Six Pack!

Because of my work schedule the past week or so, I had to miss a training session.  To make up for it, I saw my trainer yesterday and today.   Yesterday, we worked upper body, and today was lower body.  The end of the session and he says "Time for abs!"  I sat on the ball, a 10 lb weight on my chest, and he says "OK, sit-ups for five minutes straight through."   Well, you can imagine the face I made at him.... but I'm a trooper and get started; while I'm huffing and puffing my way through sit-up after sit-up he chats on about how this is good for me, doing good, keep going, 3 more minutes ... yep, gonna have a six pack soon...."   And without thinking, out slips "Yessss.... Bud Lite Lime"  And Daemeon busts out laughing.  And I keep going "..... ice cold on a hot summer day ...." as I'm still doing the dreaded sit-ups.  Of course, it's harder to maintain a rhythm because I'm giggling like crazy - and dreaming of an ice cold beer! 

But progress in spite of the crazy hours and bad eating habits I kept for the past week - down 1.4 lbs.  I'll take that!   My trainer and I talked about my ultimate goal - he agrees that women need to be soft and curvy, so as of today, I have 49 more pounds to my ultimate goal.  At two lbs a week, 25 more weeks.  That's a very tough goal to reach in that time frame.  But ... you have to have a goal to reach for!  I am using SparkPeople as my calorie counter and reference for tracking my workouts.  It's not 100% perfect, but it helps me maintain my track record.


By the way, I didn't rush home and sip an ice cold beer .... just a bottle of Perrier! 

Work & Blooms

When its time to take inventory in my BigBox store, everything revolves around that.  My working schedule for the past 10 days has been up and down, with long, hard days and plenty of work.  In my position, I deal with all the things that are damaged or broken and need to be returned to vendors.  And the biggest frustration I have is with other co-workers who know for 90 days when inventory will be, yet wait until the last day, the last minute, to finish bringing all of those kinds of items to my department.  Taking all of the inventory processes into account, the time allotted to me to complete my tasks is very limited.  When I arrived at the store this morning, I found I'd been inundated over night with carts and carts full of things. Even though the store tells everyone that the cutoff time is 8pm the night before, that doesn't mean people pay attention.  Needless to say, my first hour into my job this morning and I was snapping at anyone who tried to bring more -- actually, I was snippy with anyone who tried to talk to me!  Not my typical behavior!!  Part of the problem with being that way has to do with the lack of sleep.  I worked a goofy shift of 2-11pm, then turned around and was back at work at 4:45am.  Definitely not enough sleep, or even rest, for this old gal!  I took a 3 hour nap after I got home, and darn if I'm still not feeling sluggish.  

With all the working hours, I've found it hard to get in much workout time -- we shall see what the scale says tomorrow when I see my demon .... errrr.... Damien, my personal trainer.  *laughs*   I missed out watering my cactus yesterday, so after my marathon nap today, I slipped out and gave them all a big drink, and found that one of my newest cacti is growing a brand new bloom!   (Blooms don't last long here, so catching them when they happen is special)

As I'm posting this, I'm listening to a link fav blogger Lloyd Kahn had posted an hour ago: 

The sun goes down on the cattle trail and I'm gazing at the moon
It's roundup time way out west when the cactus is in bloom.

by Jimmie Rodgers.  If you haven't heard an old fashioned cowboy yodel in a while, give a listen here! )