Everywhere A Sign

Are you a sign watcher? 
Do you look for signs to guide you?
Is there such a thing as coincidence?
Or is there a much bigger picture than we can see or imagine?

How many times have you ever made note of something, then have that same topic come up in several different ways - and you finally smack your forehead and go "DUH" I should have been paying attention to the sign? 

It's been that way for me lately.  I follow a few different blogs, read my friends' postings on FB, and listen to friends and coworkers with issues.  And I'm coming up with a theme that  rather than preachin' about it back to friends, I outta be listening to myself. 

I'm a unique individual with what I think is a slightly enhanced sixth sense about things.  Or its something else others don't believe in -- but that's neither here nor there.  When something comes up often, I tend to really pay attention and see how it should be applied to me.  And I know deep in my soul that its one I should heed.  But can't seem to do it.  It's not like I haven't tried.

When it comes to breaking a habit, or making a change, even those that are necessary aren't always easy!  Take smoking for example. We all know its bad for you, unhealthy, costly, etc.  For me, quitting wasn't hard, I just decided one day and poof, I was done.  Because you can not have them around you, and you just don't need them any longer.   That was in 1986.  I will confess that every now and then, someone will light up and the smellllllll, mmm, your body remembers.  *sigh*   Its harder with food.  You can't just give up eating.  So you try to make the right choices, have the right foods on hand.  Again, not always easy; you can avoid having those Hershey bars in the house and it's all good.  But you can't quit foods altogether.  You just relearn eating habits and what helps you to feel better. 


But its harder to decipher when relationships aren't healthy any longer.  Because they involve another human, the dynamics can change; one day may seem better than another, and you try to make a choice based on the checks and balances of good and bad.  It's one of the hardest things I've found to teach my kids -- of course, I wasn't such a great example while they were growing up, exposing them to three different marriages.  I've always believed in the best side of people -- when in fact, there are people out there who take advantage of that, who don't try to be their best. 


So at what point do you finally recognize the signs, and realize that while others may be having obvious signs for their own relationships -- that these may be your own signs?   Sometimes relationships need to end.  It's never an easy decision, and everyone will have their reasons.  But consider this:  Whatever the reason, if you're constantly hurt, undermined or let down by this person, you owe it to yourself to walk away.  If you are making excuses to stay with your love, learn to call yourself out on them. It is quite possible that you've fallen into a vicious justificatory cycle that you'll never break free from unless you acknowledge it openly. Realize that being stoic and putting up with a bad situation will only end in faster aging, resentment and feeling like you're putting up with second best

Life needs to be lived.  And its impossible to live a good life if you're not happy.
While often hard, walking away from a love that will never work
can sometimes be the best thing you can do for your sanity and future well being.
And don't stop reading those signs! 

The Only Way I Know

Sunday morning, and I'm realizing that weekends are much too short! Or maybe that was emphasized this weekend because Sadie is one of those dogs who is awake and alert when daybreak arrives... and wants ME to be awake and alert at that hour too!   Here in the Valley of the Sun, because we don't 'spring forward', day breaks around 5am.  When I leave for work at 5:30, I need my sunglasses as the sun is already up and starting its climb. 

Yesterday was a busy "catch up" kind of day- after being on vacation, and moving my son back home, catching up on grocery shopping, and still trying to hit the gym on a daily basis- yeah, yesterday was a busy day!

At the end of the day, I drove my son over to her apartment.  We delivered the groceries purchased to get her through the weekend.  I spent a lot of time trying to explain to my son that he isn't responsible for making sure there's food in the house for both of them.  That she needs to apply for some of the services offered by the state.  

I've been where she is.  I've been alone and having to raise two kids with handicaps.  But that's where you learn inner strength.  You dig down deep and do what's needed to be done.  I chuckle when I think back on the number of "meatless spaghetti" meals we had -- because that's all we had until payday.  I've often wondered where I got the ability to do what needs to be done.  In this world, everyone wants nice 'stuff' and they want it all - now.  There's no waiting or working hard for that something as a goal-- and there should be!  I guess I've always been a goal setter.



I think I learned some of my ways from country music. 
There's a new song out ... "The Only Way I Know" by Jason Aldean, it kinda sums it all up: 

You get tired, you don’t show it
Dig a little deeper when you think you can’t dig no more
That’s the only way I know

 That old red dirt the first thing you learn
You don’t get nothing that you don’t earn

Maybe there’s another path that will get you there a little bit faster,
But I’m sticking with the one inside of me.
  

Yeah  maybe there are faster ways of getting what you want -- but are they worth it??  I can look around at my home, my car, the things I own, and I know that I know that I know, there are no doubts I earned it all.  With hard work and patience.   The best things in life are the things you work for.  If it comes to you too easy, you forget to appreciate it -- and keep wanting more.

LIES: Brian's saga, v

Brian's been home since late Sunday night, and now its Friday.  As usual, I asked him "What's going on..." *sigh*  Her latest tactic was a phone call... "We're running out of food...."  And of course, she hits a nerve, he feels really guilty about leaving, but damn, if he was still there, they would run out sooner, plus he doesn't get $$ til the first of the month.  That's 3 days away.

(This latest tactic comes on the heels of one day using the "I'm gonna give the baby up for adoption" lie... errr... line.  There were a couple other calls complaining about how horrid it is to throw up all the time, and switching to panic setting in about how she's going to work when no one's there to watch the little girl....)

So he and I talk about all this.  He says he'll just charge food.  Well, once you start that, you start a VERY bad habit.  You pay interest for something that's already devoured, and you never ever get ahead without going a little hungry.  I pointed out that I'm guessing she wants you to send her $$, not buy her groceries.  He said he'll never send her money.  Ahhh his sixth sense kicking in, because he knows that she's a spender, and doesn't spend very wisely!

More in the money dept, it seems he was trying to set it up for her to have DirecTV as well.  Under his name.  At her apartment.  Are you nuts? I asked him.   And little details start coming out.  The internet is under his name and she's supposed to pay it.   That's gonna come back and bite him in the ass.  And I told him so.  Plus!  He added her phone line to his cell phone account.  And she's supposed to pay half.  Um yeah, right.  Aren't there things she can buy that will be billed to her phone.... errr... I mean his phone???  That's gonna bite him in the ass as well.

He's so screwed.
I told him that phone calls that tell him they're running out of food is like blackmail.  And I started a log, keeping receipts.  We'll see what comes of this.

He bought staples for the weekend:  18 eggs, 5 bagels, half pound of ham, a package of cheese, 1 can of pringles, 2 apples, 2-liter of 7up (for morning sickness), 1 box of cookies (for the little girl).  $14.
Of course, that won't include my gas to drive over and deliver said groceries.
Bah.  No WAY am I spending weekends being the delivery gal .....
I think I need a "taxi driver" hat .... hahaha

An added note:  I was very frustrated last night, it woke me up just past midnight.  I finally quit fighting it, got my netbook out and emailed my daughter.  Because I can't carry this by myself.

Brian's saga, iv

Brian's saga continues.....

Where did I leave off?  Last I remember it was moving day -- and I had the house to myself for 4 days until I left on vacation, with my dog safe at my daughter's house.....

Texts fly back and forth, along with some one long conversation with my ex about the whole situation.  Naturally, all this ensues and NOW he wants to be involved in his son's life.  I didn't give him my own perspective, I just told him what happened to me over the course of time with this girl and Brian.... and let him make up his own mind.  By the end of the convo, he was going to try to go to their place on Saturday to take them to lunch, get to know the girl.....  by Thurs, they were already cancelling the "get together".


Friday night, around 10pm, I'm getting txts from Brian wanting to know if I can take him to Social Security office on Monday to see about getting his income changed around, because his living situation had changed.  As I had to point out (again) since he isn't on the lease, he has no proof that his situation changed.  And since they haven't been in the apt for 30 days, they don't have a utility bill either.  I assured him we'd look into the documentation of what proof is needed when I returned home.

Another wonderful not-so-much sleep as I wondered and worried about what was *really* going on with him and her.....  

Of course, it was "Mom, can I move back home" by Sunday via text, and of course I said "yes" - but not until I thought it through, because there isn't any way I was going to have him go back and forth over the next nine months......  After my plane landed, I headed straight for the apartment, got his things loaded into my car and headed home.  I left most of the questions and talking for another time ....  which was already in my head to use the driving time to Tucson to get my dog.   (And yes, he talked the whole way there....)

There's no way to please a person who finds fault with everything you do, and with everything they thought you should be doing, as well.  Having no say because its "all her money"  doesn't make for a healthy relationship.  If you're going to be roommates, all that needs to be spelled out.  However, it was more than roommates, as she expected Brian to watch the little girl, and clean house, while she worked from home in the bedroom behind closed doors.   At the same time, she was accusatory about him not having "a real job" as well.  Um.  Hello.  But 'babysitting' and housekeeping is as real as it gets when it comes right down to it.  (That's just my two cents... stay at home parents are very under rated and under appreciated!!!!)

Good Morning!

:) :)

Get Naked!

Stupidity

With so much going on, so many stresses, I don't know where my mind was the past two weeks when it comes to library items.  My usual day to head to the library is Thursday.  The week before my trip, I went to the library, picked up what was due, and renewed items as well.  DVDs are allowed a 1 week checkout.  Which meant that I *should* have renewed them again while I was on vacation.  But there was no internet connection at my parents' house, so I let go of my "addiction" for a week. 


Being Thursday again today, I logged into my account -- and yep, I have some major past due fines.... $65 worth!  Ugh.  Major Ugh!  Its money I really didn't have to spare, so now I'll have to be watching my expenses even more.   I see lots of fried eggs and cheap toast in my future!  *laughs*

Ok, I shouldn't laugh, but ... eh, what's done is done.
But talk about stupidity..... grrrrrrrr
No going back, just being more careful.


It's almost the weekend - and I sure am ready for it!

Vacation

 

Quick pix of my trip - 

highlights were morning walks,

 

shooting pool,

and spending time with family!

Back to Normal... almost!

Well, getting away is always a good thing, and seeing family is even better! I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful family and good friends!  It was so enjoyable getting away and letting go of some of the stress -- but if I knew things were gonna work out as they did, I might have stayed home so I could "run around nekkid" for a bit!  *laughs*  That's always been a joke in my family when the kids would ask "What will you do when we're all moved out?"  That was my answer:: "run around nekkid".  :) 

My days of running nekkid are over.... so... what happened, you're probably wondering.  After a week, my son decided that living with his GF wasn't what it was cracked up to be!  Living with someone, sharing space, can be a good thing - especially in the beginning of a relationship.  All those wonderful discoveries and sharing things, doing things together.  But when real life gets in the way, it can be an altogether different thing.

Neither of them have a car, and she works from home.  So you can see already that it was 24/7 togetherness, and not under the best of circumstances.  Money being tight, a four year old, and a baby on the way just added to the madness.  Add to it expectations about how it might be, and it was quite a disaster.  Nothing like blown out fights, just not being able to meet expectations and get along in general circumstances led to them making the adult decision that neither of them were ready for this, and they needed their own space.

When my plane landed, I drove over to their apartment and picked up Brian and his little pile of things.  (Thankfully, he listened and didn't take ALL of his stuff...!!)  I know from conversations with him that he realizes just how difficult it can be, and that both people on the "same page" when it comes to expectations and ideals really would have helped the situation.

As for my vacation, there wasn't any highlight, other than spending time with family, talking, laughing and sharing.  What more could a gal ask for???

Ahhhh home

The only thing better than getting away and visiting family ---

is coming home to sleep in your own bed!!

Lots of stories to share, see ya'll tomorrow!

on vacation

Always good to be with family.

Updates when i have a connection.
Happy weekend!

Leavin' ... on a Jet Plane!

 and now that song is stuck in your brain, right???  hahaha sorry

Weds noon, and I'm sitting in the airport, waiting for a flight.  Destination?  Bay Area - to see my folks, my family.  It's a relief to get away from some of the stress I've been under lately.  Am traveling with my aunt, we always have a good time when we head out together!  So am looking forward to some cooler temps, and some down time :)  With any kind of luck, Dad will have a glass of wine waiting for me when I get there.  *hehehehe*  Sadly, this is a short turn-around trip, and I'll be back at home Sunday, back to the grind on Monday.   Wow, this could be a long feeling flight -  many fussy babies already!  *giggles*

Hope ya'll are enjoying your week - I'll update when I can :) :)

Moving Day

Brian's saga, iii

So Friday was supposed to be moving day - but no one's said a word to me.  Neither of them have a car, so I suppose part of it will be up to me......

I finished up work and left early (stopped at the gym, of course, because I still need to be me, too!)  then headed for home. When I arrive, B's watching TV.  "Isn't today moving day?  Are you all packed?"  He jumped up and said "no...." 

"So what's the plan?"

"Well, Leeah has a truck, but no money for gas to come out and get my stuff -- so can we load it in your car?"

"Sure" is my answer, but damn, you're moving and you don't have a plan???

"OK, so what about Leeah and her stuff?"

"She's loading up, but no one can do anything because we don't have keys."   I'm sure if you know me at all, you realize that my head's spinning and my mind is reeling -- there's no plan in place, they're just flying by the seat of their pants.  Kids.  So I help him load, get moving, at least get that part of it done, because I don't want to be loading and transporting in the dark in a strange part of town.

After we're loaded, then a short nap, its like "Ok, Leeah has keys now.  Can you drive me to her mother's house and then load my stuff in the truck?"  Um. Sure.  I can do that.  When we arrive, there's very little loaded.  Brian loaded everything that was stacked in the garage into the truck himself.  Me, I supervised, because I'm very good at stacking boxes, loading truck, it's just one of those things that comes natural for me, I guess. 

So he's got his stuff loaded, then her stuff loaded ....
It's already after 6pm ...
I'm gonna head home.

I found it very odd that her parents weren't around, no one was. 
It was like a stealth move, if that's possible in broad daylight.

*giggles*

Brian's saga, ii

A week or so has passed by after Brian told me he wanted to move in with Leeah.  Being the concerned mom, I asked about having stuff for the apartment, and he admitted that she didn't have much in the way of things like dishes, furniture, etc.  So I started going through my cupboards, and I think Brian was feeling optimistic, excited about being on his own.  We pulled out some plates, bowls, utensils and started a couple of boxes of things....

The next day, I found a few more things in the cupboard and asked Brian if he wanted them.... "No, Leeah went shopping for new things instead.... She wants to do a beach theme."  Hm. Someone with little money, and no car, and is buying new stuff when there are other options.  This doesn't bode well.

Now me, I understand wanting to have a few things of your own, but when you have nothing, and so many needs.... oh well, she's an adult.  But my gut says nope, this is a Princess, and Brian has a lonnnng road ahead of him.   And I back off from trying to be a help.  The only thing I *did* do was to go online and order him a pizza stone.  Because in our house, he used that thing more than once a week, so it could be a big help for them.   I left it as a surprise, in a box, to give to them on moving day.

Then comes the shocker.  I came home from work, opened the door and no dog to greet me! I checked outside, she's not there, Brian's not in his room, and I'm beginning to feel a little panicky.  Then the back door opened, they both walked in, and one look at Brian tells me there's something really bad going on.  I can see shock and pain in his face.  So I probe gently and ask "What's up?" and he lets out big heaving sighs and walks in circles.  Because I know my son, I give him space to work up his courage to say the words:  "Leeah's pregnant."

"Wow.  Are you sure?"
"Yes, she's taken four pregnancy tests."
"Hmm.  ok.  Now what?"
"I dunno."

He's in major shock.  She gave him this news via text.  (wtf, you don't do it face to face if you're happy and in love???)   And she's mad at him over a conversation she had with my daughter -- and breaks up with him.  Over the phone or text.  As if he doesn't have enough to deal with at the moment, now this too.

My concern, the weirdness of it all for me is she doesn't seem to be in shock, she seems to have been expecting this, and is quite happy about it.  Which tells me she isn't mature and looking at the overall big picture of having another child to care for.   And neither of them has figured out that with family history, there's a good chance this baby could be visually impaired, hearing impaired, or both!

And drama queen that she seems to be,
she posts her positive test on FaceBook --
and loves the attention,
getting comments from friends with congratulations. 

Sorry, but congratulations isn't from me.
Good Luck is more appropriate -

they're gonna need it!!

Nekkid at will

With the house to myself, I can pretty much do what I need to do whenever I feel like it!  I'm a morning person, so I was up before the birds and got started on things -- namely, cleaning the now empty bedroom.  Detailed vacuuming, washing bedclothes -- that sort of thing.  Sometimes in the near future, I'm gonna need to rent a RugDoctor, but I just don't have time for that today. 

But -- when you can run around naked as much as you want -- after a while, do you still want to??  *laughs*  I sure will save some $$ on laundry this way though.  ;)

Brian's Saga

My son is 27, and visually impaired.  Because of his impairment, he has always been behind his peers in maturity.  He hasn't had many relationships with girls, and he tends to believe the best of everyone - even those who have their own agenda(s), antd no qualms about using any means to get what they want.   Its a lovely trait, but can mean trouble for someone like him.


He met Leeah on the internet, and they began dating.  I tried not to get involved and let him find his own way, but I kept an eye on things as best I could -- what Mother wouldn't?  After a couple of months, he got the nerve to ask me if he could spend the night with her.  It was considerate that he asked, and of course I used my motherly position to remind him not to do anything stupid, and to always wear a "raincoat".  He gave the usual sigh teenagers reserve for parents who are being overprotective and said "I know..."  (I had a gut feeling about this from the get-go....)

The relationship continued, and seemed a normal kind of thing, and it wasn't my place to interfere.  Although, I wasn't thrilled when I met her for the first time.  She's a couple years older than he is, and has a four year old daughter.  What worried me is the next day and they had an argument over the phone -- what was it about?  "why doesn't your mother like me."

Hm, quite the insecure type, she told me she was a little on the shy side, but I'm thinking "naw, that's not it .... 'princess' is more apt"   We shall see.

In six months, there were several incidents such as this:  little tiffs over little things (in my opinion) with wide mood swings, threats to break up, and a short time later, making up again.  But they're in love, and want to move in together.   Being the mom that I am, I advised against this, but Leeah pushed for it, and so did he.  I wanted to know more about her and her situation but details were sketchy coming out. (Always makes me suspicious when facts are evaded)  Leeah has an eviction against her, some big credit card debts and her divorce isn't even final yet. 

"B .... this isn't a good thing, its not good timing, let her get her life back in order and on her feet before you make this kind of commitment."  Well, I'm assuming of course that he told her this, and she had answers for everything, she can get an apartment through something called "Second Chance".... when I googled it:   Arizona Second Chance, LLC helps formally incarcerated individuals become contributing members of their community.    whoa......  but she isn't incarcerated, so that can't be right.  But its the beginning of something fishy.    

After not buying that part of the story, the next part I get is "her mom gave her a month to find her own place and get out..."  Well, I can truly understand giving your kids a push to get out on their own, but in this case, does a mother do this when the girl has nothing?  No car, has only just started her new job, and has a child too??   Most parents, I think, would extend the time frame, give her a chance to get on her feet again .... be a helping hand for a few more months.  But not in this case. 

Against my advice, they decide to go ahead, find a place to rent.......... 
 
I'll keep you posted!  

(I'm writing this after the fact .... about a month later, as I had no idea where this would go, so I'm putting the background story into two parts, to catch you up to speed..... )

My Phoenix!

In Greek mythology, a phoenix or phenix (Ancient Greek φοίνιξ phóinīx) is a long-lived bird that is cyclically regenerated or reborn. Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor.

Due to the legend attached to the Phoenix bird, it makes for a good example for anything to with survival, strength, patience, and to a large extent, even victory.

My reward to myself for achieving a long term goal was to have this tattoo'd on me.   Considering the work I put in, yes, its all about survival, strength, patience and yes... victory!

It just goes to show what you can do if you put your mind to it -- if I can do it, ANYONE can!