Companion & Dreams (2008)

Companion... Just a word... - Mar 4, 2008

Current mood:crazy
Someone used the word companion to somewhat describe a relationship with someone, and I had to think about it for a long time. What comes to mind when you hear that word? The image I got in my head was of an older {read: elderly} person, with a good friend who did things for and with that person [like grocery shopping, or a trip to the beauty parlor], a companion. I looked it up on the web, and Google define gave me :

    a person who is frequently in the company of another; "drinking companions"; "comrades in arms"
    a traveler who accompanies you
    one paid to accompany or assist or live with another
   
Answers.com gave me:

     A person who accompanies or associates with another; a comrade.
     A domestic partner.
    A person employed to assist, live with, or travel with another.
    One of a pair or set of things; a mate.

and under the heading "Thesaurus" :

    One who shares interests or activities with another
    One of a matched pair of things

And then I started to wonder.... is it wishful thinking on my part to choose which meaning was intended? which one in the context of what was said? (I realize I'm leaving a few details out ... some stuff just isn't for sharing! lol) Or ......... is it that important?

Sometimes we women want to have things "just so" - all laid out, in its own little cubbyhole or sitting on its rightful place on a shelf. When it comes to relationships, maybe we're so busy trying to define what's going on, what's been going on, what might go on, I think there are times when we tend to lose track of the actual relationship in favor of finding its rightful place in our lives.  [In looking back over a rocky past, that just might be exactly what I was trying to do a time or two!]  Maybe its enough that I just accept what was said in the spirit it was said in; to quit trying to cull out some kind of deeper meaning in a word that brought to mind an image that is a product of assumptions, and more than likely not what was intended.

Then I had a horrible thought: What if I'm getting to that age where I'll be looking for a companion, rather than ... whatever ~~it~~ is we single women seek????? (ok, I had to find a way to put that nicely.... hehehhee) Is that the best I can hope for now that I'm nearing my half century mark? I certainly hope not!! I've got more ummmm "living" I want to do !!

Dreams - Mar 5, 2008

Current mood:mellow
Do dreams really come true? Is it possible to make what seems impossible possible? There are some who might say that my recent move was making a dream come true. And in many ways it has. I'm closer to family, and for that, I'm very grateful. But what about other dreams? Have some of you wished for a special vacation in some exotic island? Or of seeing the seven wonders of the world? Studying a foreign language? Writing a novel, or poetry?

Sometimes, we tend to have this fleeting thought of something great we'd like to try, and it never comes to happen. Why? Because we don't acknowledge it? We are our worst enemy when it comes to "shooting down" the things we'd like to do - usually in favor of some responsibility. But what about our responsibility to our self? Shouldn't we each come first in the line, if not all the time, then at least on occasion?

I'm tossing out a challenge .... to acknowledge the desire for those dreams. Write them down. Put it in an envelope, a jar, a folder. Fill it with that fleeting thought you had today. Then occasionally read through those dreams, see what's possible. A mind is a funny thing; when you acknowledge something, the subconscious can take a shot at making them a reality. Maybe you're dreaming of that once in a lifetime vacation, and you think "I can't possibly afford that" and yet, your subconscious just might start prepping for that choice. The next time you're in the grocery store, it may tell you "you don't need that".  Saving a few pennies here and there can add up immensely!!

Go ahead ... try it .... what have you got to lose??

Listen Close and BBQ's (2008)

Listen Closely - Feb 29, 2008

Today, unpacking boxes, I found an old little tin that [way back in Ohio days] used to sit near the dining room table.   Inside, I started looking through all the scraps of paper that had accumulated.  And it made me smile, remembering how it was when we were transitioning into a new step family, blending two sets of kids.  We would eat dinner around a huge table (a 4'x8' plywood slab!).  And we needed to come up with an idea to get the kids talking, thinking, and not grousing at each other all the time.  So we made up 3x5 cards with questions or sayings:

• "The nicest thing someone did for me this week was _____.  The nicest thing I did for someone else was _____." 
• "Name two things that make you feel happy."
• "Name something you do well."
• "If I had a million dollars... "
• "What are two things you're thankful for?"
• "If you see someone without a smile, give him one of yours."
• "A task worth doing and friends worth having make life worth living."
• "Good habits are just as hard to break as bad ones."
• "Every job has its problems.  A key consideration in choosing a career is determining what type of problems you enjoy solving."

I'm sitting here, wondering if my kids will read this, and remember the good times, the good discussions.  One of the things I truly enjoyed was the conversations that came out of a simple "starter" quote. 

If you take the time to listen to kids, you'll hear some pretty amazing things!
And it made me realize that ... its not just kids we need to listen to. 
Its adults and those around us, as well. 
So, listen hard next time, and see what comes from your next conversation!

BBQ Time! - Mar 1, 2008

Current mood:hungry

Cooking meat over a fire is surely one of mankind's earliest cooking feats. 

Tonight, as I was taking out some trash, neighbors were having a BBQ --- and with the sun down, the temps just a bit cooler, the breeze so slight, -- the aroma was heavenly! It made my mouth water as I imagined biting into a juicy burger, dripping with BBQ sauce...  So I had to look it up, see if there was any good info on Google about BBQ. 

"The mystery begins with the name. Theories abound, but certainty is a lost cause. Some think it may come from the French in Louisiana: "barbe a queue" translated as "from whiskers to tail," which is a neat description of a whole roasted beast. (And seconded by the Oxford English Dictionary, which credits the origin of the word to French-speaking Haiti). Others feel that the Spanish "barbacoa" is more likely. Yet others look to early advertisements for bar, beer, and pool establishments --bar-beer-cue. Some name a Texas ranch, with the brand --BQ on their cattle, legendary for their hospitality. Who knows?"

"Although cooking meat over an open fire in the outdoors was known to all cultures at one time, the niceties of digging a pit, to allow for concentrated heat and smokiness to develop was forgotten in Europe by the time the first colonists to Jamestown arrived. Following the lead of the local Indians, pit barbecue was quickly rediscovered, and has remained popular. "

If you look up any of the websites of the "History of BBQ" , no matter which version fits your own idea of BBQ, remember.... Barbecue is more than a meal. It is an event. People gather for good barbecue, whether invited or not. Barbecue is an event that gathers people around a fire to watch, smell and eat. Like the fires of prehistory, this is the place to eat, drink, and tell stories.  

Enjoy!!

Chicks, Changes and Worry (2008)

Chicks & Changes - Feb 27, 2008

Current mood:thoughtful
Today I was musing on changes.  About two years ago, I had purchased a book entitled "Say Yes to Change!"   Mostly it was about letting yourself be open enough, to have dreams and desires, and then taking steps in the right directions, to get those changes jump started.  And ... that's pretty much what I did.... I started with steps; they were small, but they were forward thinking.  Even packing up things I wasn't using at the time, was small steps. It let the Universe know that I was ready, preparing for steps, and life-changes.  And yes, my life sure did change! (It took some time for it all to fall into place, though!)   Tonight, as I was reading in another book, I found this quote:

"A Newborn chick doesn't know it's alive

until its world begins to crumble. 

What seems like the collapse of your universe

may be just an exciting beginning."

And I thought, yes!  That's exactly how it felt at times.  Things were crumbling, not seeming as if it were going to be the way I was hoping.  But ... persevere!  When things seem to be falling apart, spinning out of control, or totally crumbling, it may be a part of the changes you've been wanting to make!  Don't lose hope!

Rocking Chair - Feb 28, 2008

Current mood:breezy

I was trying to think up an interesting topic for a blog today .... and there just doesn't seem much to share. I spent the day at work doing nothing of interest, just opening freight .... what seemed like three weeks worth of freight! I'm the kind who loves a challenge, but I wonder at times what I got myself into! Guess all that tedious work numbed my brain from thinking of something bright to share. But here's a thought for today:

Worry is like a rocking chair.

You may feel like you're doing something,

but it won't get you anywhere.

Sometimes, we seem to worry about things - and no matter how much we worry, we can't change the outcome. Like me, sometimes I find myself waking up in the middle of the night, worried about something at work. (yeah, sick huh?) and it doesn't matter what I'm worrying about it, it won't change a thing. Sometimes there are worries that are OK ... when a friend is sick (Get Well Soon Cathy!!) or when a friend is blue (hugz Rob!) and of course, we worry about our families, and that everything will be OK with them. 

But if worry is getting in the way of you living your life, then its time to put your worries on a shelf. Take each one down for a specific amount of time, do a little worrying, then set it back on the shelf. It's not always easy. But if you spend your evening doing a lot of worrying, are you missing out on some important piece of life with your family?? Is what you're worrying about worth it? Some of you will answer "Yes!" for some of your worries. And that's understandable. Just be more aware of what your mind is worrying about, and let some of it go if you can.

Feel Good Music

I wanted one of my "things" that I accomplish this summer to be being more positive in my outlook on life  Granted, it's not easy when there are factors out of your control.  It's not easy to be thinking positively when work changes affect how you think and feel about your workplace, or when your family issues weigh on your mind more than they should. 

It's more about changing your thinking to the little things that make a difference in your life:  a flower, a kind word, a hug from a friend.  Each morning on my way to work, I try to find good tunes to help make a good start to my day.  I would pay for SiriusXM if my commute were more than 20 minutes.  So maybe I should consider putting the really mood altering tunes on an MP3 player for the drive to work. 

The top of the list would include Uncle Kracker's "Smile" ; Kenny Chesney's "Everything's Gonna Be All Right" ; and Autograph's "Turn Up the Radio".  There's nothing like a good tune to  put you in the right frame of mind for work!  I get a kick out of hearing "Highway to Hell" ... but that has quite the opposite effect!!!!  heheheh Although John Pardi's "Head Over Boots" is an awesome feel good song as well. 

So today, if you're feeling a bit blue or out of sorts, grab yourself some good tunes to lift your spirits!
It works for me!

get along on down the road

we've got a long long way to go

scared to live, scared to die

we ain't perfect but we try

get along while we can

always give love the upper hand

paint a wall

learn to dance

call your ma

buy a boat

drink a beer

sing a song

make a friend

c'ain't we all

get along.

Do Rules Apply?

When you're "roommates" with your grown adult child, are there rules that apply?

My son is 34 and recently moved back home.  He doesn't seem to have his life on track, owes money to many different credit cards, and as nicely as I've offered to help in this arena, he hasn't done anything with it that I can see.  It's not really my business except for the fact that he lives in my house, I am charging him only $400 in rent, and that includes food.  (hell, he eats that much in a month!)

But sometime Sunday it seems he left the house, and didn't come home to sleep before work - he works the night shift.  While I made him lunch, his bedroom door was closed and I thought he was asleep.  His alarm went off and he didn't get up, so I knocked on his door.  Nope, not in there.  So I turned off all his "stuff" and closed the door. 

But here's my question:  if you're roommates, what are the house rules???

If you're going to be gone, should you leave a note?  text msg?
If someone is helping you out of a jam, should you help around the house?

I realize that as a mom, I can't expect him to live by rules that I established when he was a teenager and still under my roof.  But at the same time, it's my house and I need to be comfortable with things.  Last weekend, he had a girl over just before midnight.  It bothered Sadie, and she woke me up several times. I finally had to tell him that his friend needed to leave.  It IS my house, and since I'm footing the bills, I need to get my sleep so that I can go to work.

I felt bad about that situation, but what about the house rules???

My biggest fear is that this girl is really just a girl -- and I suspect its the daughter of the woman he was living with for two+ years.  Which in my opinion makes her too young for him.   I'm at a loss as to where or what to do next. 

Other than create a set of house rules, and make them stick.
It sucks trying to do "tough love" on your grown children ....
but sometimes it's necessary.

Do Towels Expire?

When you're gauging the passing of time, children are one of the best ways to realize that time is passing us by.  Kids grow up so fast; in the first three or four years they seem to change on a daily basis!  And before you know it, middle school, high school, getting their license, graduating even!

Since my kids are grown up, and my granddaughter is in high school, soon to be graduating (Yikes!), I found that as I got out of the shower and started to towel off, I was thinking back to the summer my daughter gave me a set of bath towels, hot pink and white, with a flip-flop beach theme.   And that's when I realized that it's been over ten years now since then.

Where does the time go???

Which led me to wonder .......
Is there an expiration date on towels? 

Once they've been washed a few dozen times is when I like them the best.  So it's no wonder I just keep on using them.  I've stopped and looked at towels or towel sets and wondered what kind I would like ... and never bought any new ones because I really *like* towels that the new-ness has been washed out of them!

Then again, I'm just weird .......

Friendships (2008)

Sorry if these old posts are a bit boring to some, but I wanted them posted *somewhere* because it was a time in my life full of many changes, and with that, many observations about life.  I was prolific in my writing a few years back - it was something easily done because there were so many different things going on in my life.  Now, 10+ years later? I'm not sure I live with the same zest, or zsa zsa zsu that I had back then.  But that's ok, I'm getting older!

First Real Day - Feb 25, 2008

Current mood:cheerful
Today feels like my first REAL day in Arizona.... I started at my new store today, and it was ... typical.   The people are nice, the managers seem to be good ones.  It's difficult to be the new kid on the block, when everyone else has a niche.  But, that's OK, there's plenty of work that needs to be done.  Seems with all the resets that are needing to be done, we're also going to be flipping counters and such ... oh BOY!!!!   A week of overnights ahead!

I clocked out at 4pm, I was home at 4:23.  That was terrific!!!  It was a balmy 75 degrees, I slipped out of work clothes and into capris, a Tshirt, and walked past one pool, then the next, to get my mailbox.  *grin* yeah, it's the good life. For the moment.  We'll see what happens when its 105 or so. lol.   Although, I hit more traffic lights going one direction to work, than I did in a whole week of commuting in Ohio!!

Last night, I relaxed with a couple of cosmopolitans (something my daughter left here) and they were pretty yummy!  I felt so --- gosh! like you see on TV !  -- sitting on the balcony, sipping from a champagne flute.   Now if only I'd been wearing a ball gown, petite slippers on my feet, my hair all done up ....... Only thing missing from that *fantasy* is Mr.Just.Right standing at the base of the balcony, crooning tunes. hahahahahhaha  Yeah, I know, get REAL!

OK, I'd best be getting some of these boxes unpacked, or dealt with; I can barely move from room to room.  Who knew I had collected all this *stuff* over time?? I sure didn't !!!  Amazing how it seems to "disappear" when it's out of sight, out of mind.  Pack a box, shove it in the closet.  And forget you even have it.   A word to the wise:   If you're gonna move, do a Goodwill donation FIRST!  hahaha

Good Friends - Feb 26, 2008

Current mood:loved

A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. ~Lois Wyse

Today, I got some quality time on the phone with Emily back "home" (odd, I didn't live in Ohio long, but for the moment, it still feels like "home"). It's always so good to hear a familiar voice, be able to share things with people who know you. I mean, sure, I have family; I could call any number of them who would be willing to lend an ear. But there's something special about being able to "talk shop" with someone who does what you do; someone you can laugh with when you jokingly say something about one of the bosses. (we didn't say anything bad... HONEST!) Funny how within any kind of job, there's a certain lingo -- it's nice that I don't have to explain every little detail of what I'm talking about ... Emily knows *exactly* what I mean! And her and I have traveled to other stores for special projects together - enough so that I can say "it looks like the back room at Evandale" and she knows what that means!! Another odd fact: Her and I have the same anniversary date with Walmart ! We have some of the same ways of doing things (could that be said another way? that we are both a little bit OCD?? I know I am, in a few certain ways! hahahaha) We're ages apart, and yet, there has never seemed to be a difference between us. (hey Em... are you eatin bananas? or donuts? hmm ? lol)

I looked up some quotes on friendship, and the one posted above seemed to fit very well. Although, there are some other great ones, as well. These all came from www.quote-garden.com :

Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.

~Author Unknown

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good,

and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad.

~Arnold H. Glasgow

Treasure your friends; make an effort to keep in contact! We all tend to get busy with our lives, and think "later.... I'll do that later .... "; Sometimes, later never comes. So if there's a friend you're thinking about, then drop them a note, give them a call - even if its just to say Hello !!! It might be just what they need !!!

Numbered Days

Every day there seems to be something in the news about my BigBoxStore.  And lately, it's never been good news.  There's another part of the company being "out sourced" - which means more of the staff being laid off.  I just sit here shaking my head, wondering when it will slow down - or stop, even!  But it won't, and I don't really get it.  I feel bad for this sector of our company who will be losing their positions.  And I feel like mine isn't too far behind.

Two weeks from now, my schedule has changed. After more than 10 years of being a M-F gal, I now have Saturdays and Wednesdays off.  Plus my shifts have been shortened by an hour, which means 10 hours less pay each pay period.  That's a significant amount!!  Then there's the worry about having short shifts, will I still carry my "full time" standing so that I don't lose my health insurance?

I can remember being unhappy at one of my first jobs and thinking "wow, I really need to start looking into working for one of these Fortune 500 companies".   And now that I'm older, I take it BACK!  It's not what it's cracked up to be!  Companies become so overblown that employees are just a body with a number attached.  What makes me even madder, however, is when I started it was all talk about "growing your career" with the company, building yourself a good future.  And now?  Because of the length of time I've invested with them, my wages are considered "too high" and they can pull just any body off the street to do my job.   And that's pretty much what's been happening.

My daily tasks are being reallocated to other positions within the store, and soon, my job will be gone.  Oh sure, they'll incorporate or morph it into being some kind of "team lead", and I'll have to re-apply for the position --- if I even want it.  When I think of all the things I've been doing -- tasks that aren't mine but I do them because it helps the success of my store -- frankly, I just want to shut down and say "Nope! No More!  Go find out how to do it yourself."   And I should be that way more often than not.   But it goes against my grain, my way of doing things and helping others succeed.

Like today, I was scheduled the day off, but because of another scheduling conflict, I volunteered to work today so that the rest of the week would be cohesive for the others on "my team".  Also, the tasks that are being reallocated to others in the store, they can't seem to get it together and actually DO them and keep bringing them back to my work area to be processed.  Today, I had a full shopping buggy of things that others were supposed to do and hadn't done.  So I did them, because it was in the overall greater good for my store.  What I should have done was take it back to the people who are now responsible for these tasks.  But when it comes to the greater good for ME? 
Ha! I won't hold my breath, because it won't be there.





This keeps popping up in my feeds,
or maybe it's on my mind and I notice it more,
but it's SO true. 

And I need to pay attention.

Details of the Journey (2008)

The Long Journey - Feb 23, 2008

Now that I'm finally here, the trip seems anti climatic.   It was a long drive.  Took longer to load than I expected, so we got a late start on Saturday, and made it just past Indianapolis. It was a learning experience pulling a trailer, driving a truck that needed 11 feet of top clearance.  Gas stations were tricky!!  thank goodness for truck stops that are RV friendly ! hahaha   The other thing required was pulling in to all the weigh stations along the way.  We only had to pull into three, out of the seven we passed!

Sunday was a very long day, tough drive because of the wind and rain and roads.  We only made 400 miles in about 10 hours of driving - way below my expectations - through St Louis and stopped 50 miles shy of the OK border.  Pulled into a Super8 -- and discovered that the driveway did NOT go around the building.  Which meant I had to attempt to back up the truck and trailer.  It was dark,  and cold, and it'd been a lonnnng day, so we just left it where it was, and decided that in the morning we'd deal with it.  Ended up pulling the car off the dolly, disconnecting it from the truck, turning the whole she-bang around and getting it all back in place, pointed in the right direction.   Thankfully, without hassles!  There had been frost on the ground, the vehicles, but we had parked in such a way that the sun was melting it as it first came up.

After watching the weather channel's forecast for the drive across OK, I knew that I had to make it all the way, because a mix of rain/sleet/snow was expected the next day.  And Ohio had enough of that for me!  hahaha  There was snow on the desert up this high, but nothing on the roads, thank goodness.  Another 11 hour driving day, but we made it across and into Texas.  The goal was Amarillo, but the city is laid out funny along that stretch of freeway and I didn't dare get off.  So we drove another hour, and found an out of the way motel, and finally rested.

The next stop was going to be Las Cruces New Mexico.  That's a college town. and the freeway literally dumps you into the middle of town, and the hotels are mostly settled into downtown, near the college.  The ones on the outskirts of town looked like they rented "by the hour" --- uh, no thanks. *grin*  so... onward some more, another hour to the next town.  Another small one on the outskirts, thankfully, that I could pull around in.  And a truck stop quite local, too.  Because we're so far south, we had a Border Patrol inspection.  Pulled up, the man waved us through.  YAY --- guess we looked rather innocent and road weary??   Although, the last weigh station and inspection combination we pulled into near Tucson stopped us, asked us what was in the truck (household goods!) and he asked "Where ya moving from?"  then said "Welcome to Arizona".  That was pretty nice; he sure didn't have to.

We arrived at my Aunt's about 2pm.  My Dad had given detailed instructions to get there; called back and given more directions;  I'm not sure he realized just how big and wide I was with the truck and trailer.  We drove through construction areas; and me, I just took up my lane down the center of two lanes through a couple of parts --- didn't want to be knocking over the cones and barrels!   But we arrived, safe and sound, no mishaps.  It was great to see Mom and Dad, that's for sure.

My Aunt's grandsons are the greatest, they came over after working all day, and unloaded the truck, from 530 to 8pm. got it all indoors.  Hard to believe I had that much stuff!!  but,,, I did, I do, now its time to let go of some of it!    My Dad built me this bed frame thing that stores lots of stuff UNDER the bed; made it queen size, so I have a real sized bed now, and not just a twin day bed. :)  That's gonna be nice... (wanna come sleep over? *giggggles*  oh wait, my granddaughter is sleeping in it with me this weekend... )

Well, that about sums up the trip, it was good, non-eventful, and its great to be on the west coast, closer to my folks, and to family.  Lots to be thankful for, and look forward to.  Thanks to everyone for the good thoughts, prayers ... I may be in a different location, but I'm still here! 


New Place, New Thoughts - Feb 24, 2008

Current mood:optimistic
It's 6:30 Sunday morning.  And while I'm technically still on "vacation", I'm wide awake.  I visited my new store last evening (and got some household essentials and groceries while I was there) - and I'm excited about getting started.

For my gals in Ohio:  Yes, it looks like 5374, same floors, etc.  Although, set up wise, its more like Englewood, flipped.  Things are in odd places.  But the store is HUGE and the folks I encountered were friendly. Yay!  Furniture --- gosh, you can tell its a very busy place, and I'm guessing it's not been "worked" since the new mod stuff arrived.  lol.  I'll have my work cut out for me - but I love a challenge :)  And in case you're wondering - YES, I had to have some BBQ boneless for supper. LOL  And the prices of food items that I regularly purchase... they're the same here as they are there.  So that was a relief.  Gas was $2.79 , but I've seen it as high as $2.95.

It's a short drive to work, 20 mins max.  I turn left from my driveway, go about 2 miles, turn left again, and go about 6 and its there on my left.  The speed limits all the way there are 45, so the commute will go fast, unless there are many ppl going my same way.  There might be, as there's a freeway just past Wal-Mart.  There's LOTS of little shops out front, several small eating places, nail places, SuperCuts, Anna's Linens, can't remember the rest.  And it's a very busy place.

Yesterday's weather was gorgeous - about 70 most of the day.  When the sun drops, the temp drops quickly.  But it stayed warm enough to have my windows cracked open all night.   My bedroom is on the east side, so I get great morning sun.  My patio stays out of the sun most of the day, cool in the shade.  The first place I got things set up in was out on the patio.  I can take my morning can of Diet Coke, and curl up into a blanket, slide open my bedroom's patio door, slip out into the morning air, and cuddle into a chair and watch the world wake up.  My view is of the complex's courtyard, a grassy area, with some trees and bushes.  Just to the right is one of the three swimming pools.  The one here near me is the one with the hot tub in it .... *grin*

The folks here are real nice.  First day here, the man across the hall offered to help unload things.  He's got a real cute little miniature hmm.. Dachshund  I think.  Funny how even though I'm sure he's old enough to be considered a "man" - he's young.  (yes girls, too young for me!! [hmmm..... *ponders* ..... Yep, he is] he he he )

This next week will be filled with looking things up, and venturing out and finding them - - the motor vehicles place, the library.   Yesterday I wandered the complex, trying to locate the mail boxes! and yes, I found it, and my mail.  Woo Hoo! 

I unpacked several more boxes yesterday, it's the little things now, hanging up clothes I haven't even seen since last summer! and the little knick knacks I've had packed away for that long, as well.  But it was slow going.  Brianna loves to "help"; as we touch everything, put it where it ought to go, we try to go on to the next thing.  But she loves to touch, play, and move things.  Half our day seems to be spent looking for the tools we set down just a few minutes ago. *chuckles*   OK, so I'm complaining a bit , but I wouldn't have it any other way.  She will only be five once ..... and yes, I love it. 

Although, it's interesting - I have always had so much patience with kids.  Guess my own two, with their complications--- no, challenges!  And I had plenty with my step kids as well.  But I'm used to being on my own.  I wonder if patience is something we lose along the way when we don't have the need to practice it ???  And, more important, will it come back???   I'm sure it will, with time and practice, and a house that's more organized than mine is right now!

OK, enough rambling.  Am going to attempt to get some pix loaded from the camera to the computer. 

Battling Anxiety

I'm not sure if "anxiety therapy" is something that's real, but it's something that I'm attempting.  Having lived with BAM (Bile Acid Malabsorption) since my gallbladder was removed in 2013, life hasn't been very pleasant.  I have to take cholestyramine on a daily basis to control bouts of diarrhea.  It took two years to diagnose this before I was prescribed meds.

Looking back, I found I was slowly becoming like a hermit, never going places for fear of not finding a bathroom in time.  NOT a fun way to live!  There were days when I couldn't make the entire drive home from work (all of 20 minutes or so) without stopping at a restroom.

Things don't get too bad if I remember my meds the same time every day, and watch what and how much I eat - I try to make sure I take in enough healthy carbs (which usually means I eat brown rice nearly every day!) If there's some place I need to be, I begin planning my regimen a few days before, making sure there won't be problems during an outing.  This, of course, creates the opposite issue, chronic constipation -- and that's almost as bad!

Last weekend, I took myself to Superstition Springs mall, the one I shop at when I venture out to a mall.  It's familiar and I know where many of the restrooms are, so the sense of panic and anxiety are less than other places.

This weekend, I went out of my comfort zone and headed for Arizona Mills. Lived in AZ for 11 years now, never been there before.  It was a very happening place!  many store and places to eat, with a focus on things for kids to do ie: LegoLand and some kind of aquarium.   I was a bit uncomfortable with all the people, but I was able to walk around inside for about 40 minutes! For me ... that's an accomplishment!! 

So whether you call it "anxiety therapy" or something else, it's working for me!
For anyone else battling anxiety, I hope you find whatever works for you too!

Signals

Have you ever considered yourself lucky because something delayed you?  Let me explain. I usually leave work the same time every day; I don't dawdle, because I know that five minutes can make a huge difference in commute times.  Today, I was delayed by about eight minutes.  And as I was driving home, I hit a snag in traffic.  We sat there ... and sat there ... and sat there inching our way up to the next stop light.  It took about 20 minutes to go that half mile and yes, it was frustrating to sit there and try to be patient.  By the time I got to the light, I could see it was an accident in the middle of the intersection.

But I got to thinking about it.  If I had left on time, is is possible that it might have been *me* in that accident? 

Maybe the Universe was looking out for me ......

This is It! Moving Week (2008)

Counted Down - This is It! - Feb 14, 2008

Current mood:cheerful
I started this blog, and then looked at the date... oh gosh, Valentine's Day.  Well, sorry, you're not getting my thoughts on love, romance, or relationships (and everyone says ~whew~).  My mind is crowded with thoughts of a truck, the weather, the long drive ahead, and all the other peripherals of moving day.  YES , its finally here.  Tomorrow, I pick up the truck;  Saturday is loading day, and the start of a long drive. It's been quite a journey getting to this point.  I'm excited - and amazed at how it all fell into place in perfect timing. 

I'm also sad to be leaving Ohio.  This has been my home; in November, it will be 10 years ago that I moved here from California to raise my kids and gain four step-kids [ I love you guys!!].   I leave behind mostly great memories, and a few sad thoughts.  But my time here has come to an end.  People come into our lives: for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime.  And when I reflect back on moving here in the first place, I know now it was for a reason, and a season.  I wouldn't trade those years for anything ... I loved, and was loved, by my family, and the friends I have made here.  I will miss the people here ...... You know who you are! so you'd better stay in touch! ....  and oddly enough, I will miss the seasons.  Living in Ohio taught me to appreciate the differences in each of the seasons, and to take what comes weather-wise with a smile.  (If you don't like the weather in Ohio... wait 5 minutes, it will change!)

Unless I find some sort of internet-connect along the way....
the next thing posted will be from Arizona! 
Really big HUGS to everyone .....  I love you all !!!

Goodbyes & Beginnings - Feb 15, 2008

Current mood:scared

Today was my last day at work - and I didn't realize how hard it would be to leave my "walmart family". Me and "the girls" (Cathy, Emily and Tammi) went to lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. It was good, fun to sit around and talk, dredge up memories. We all started when the store was brand new, did the setup thing from start to finish. Its been a great three years, I'll remember it always. HUGS girls! I love you, and miss you already !! (turn off the waterworks Emmy --- that's catchy! dammit!)

From work, I went to pick up The Truck. OMG. I don't think i can do this. *cries* I got the truck, and it drives like a frickin' truck.  I put the car on the back, you don't wanna know how awful that was. and I drove home with it all. Pulling a car, in all that big truck, is really really bad. I never made it over 45. my leg hurts from the sitting position you're in , as related to the gas pedal. my back hurts, and by the time I got home, the dolly/tow thing had come undone and it was a miracle my car made it all the way home with me . . . . that was 25 miles. How am I ever gonna make it 1,872 miles? I just wanna crawl into bed and cry. .... (Update: I called Penske help line, they told me some tips and what they thought the problem was, and how to correct it ... so , we shall see!)

We loaded the front portion of the truck, got a few things in there, and I'm looking around at all my *stuff* and wondering just how am i gonna get it ALL in there?? what do i leave behind? its all boxed up and not separated for that.... dammit.

I had it in my mind that ... I can do anything I set my mind to .... but this takes the cake. I dunno how I'll stand it. And I'll tell you something else.... I had to have a talking to with my son, Brian. He's moaning about things. "This is hard enough", I told him, "without my having to try to keep your spirits up as well. " To top it off, it was cold tonight, the wind was kicked up, and my ears are frozen and ache.

Well, considering how much we got done, and how long it took ... I'll be lucky to hit the road on time. But... that's what "vacations" are for, right?? hahahhaha

Hugs to everyone ... and cross your fingers, say a prayer, dance in the moonlight if that's something you do ... I sure could use some good thoughts :) 

Finally Arrived! - Feb 22, 2008

Just jotting a few words here to let everyone know that we finally arrived in Arizona on Weds.  It was a long drive, and ... no major mishaps... I'll get some details here soon. It took me two days to get enough boxes unpacked and computer hooked up.  Lots of family is here, and my daughter and granddaughter are staying with me for the weekend, so I've had lots of help with everything. It's great to be here, the weather's been gorgeous so far.... (sorry, Ohioans, but it really IS ! )  HUGGSSS to everyone, and thanks for all the good thoughts !!! 

11:33 PM

2019 PS:  Eleven years ago, and I still can recall the long unending hours in The Truck.  What I realize now is that I didn't anticipate how difficult some of the things we take for granted would be, like putting on gas. You can't drive an extra tall rig into just any gas station lane!  And some states required us to pull into weigh stations. (ugh)  The biggest lesson learned is that you can't back up when you're towing a car on a dolly!   But all things considered, I amazed myself! 

The Big Move (2008)

5 day Countdown - Feb 10, 2008

Current mood:adventurous
Well, it's here, I'm finally counting down in single digits how quickly this trip - no, this journey -  will arrive now.  And I started thinking about travel.  Here in Ohio, I've met several women who have rarely been outside the local county, let alone outside the state; several who don't, or won't, drive on the interstates, some who have never been on an airplane.  As one who has always traveled interstates, taken trips and flown a bit, it was a culture shock for me when I first arrived.  Now that I've been here nearly 10 years, I can understand it ... sort of.  But that doesn't mean these women don't have dreams and fantasies of taking off to foreign places, distant cities, indulging in their wildest dreams. 

I want to encourage those women, give them permission to indulge a little!  Take a risk, say yes instead of no.  There's an expression that we've all read...  "the independent woman" or "a woman of independent means" and we usually associate that with women who can take care of themselves financially.  But money isn't the only thing that makes women independent any longer, and lack of it doesn't prevent us from being independent.  What makes us independent is our imagination.  Give your imagination some respect.  Your fantasies of independence, if only for a short while, are like holy whispers of what's Possible. ..... Turn your ear inward, and lisssssten  .....

PS:  on a more personal note, if you don't think there's a bit of fear in this journey of mine, in starting a new life, in a new city, think again.  It can be scary, but the other side of the coin is that it can be a beginning, a new chapter, a real excitement ...... I took a risk, and said yes! 

THAT kind of day - Feb 11, 2008

Current mood:distractable
Four days to go, and a million and one things to do ... so when I arrived home it's like, OK Son, it's supposed to snow tomorrow, so let's get some stuff done... Laundry first.  We each grab 2 loads and head for the laundry room, get them started in the washer.  Then, because he was out, jacket and gloves on, I convinced him we needed to go 'round the back gate into the patio and pull the weeds that is required by our lease "to take with us" .... (lol yes! it totally says that!) But the back gate won't open; send him 'round to the front to get his crowbar, and we finally get the gate unstuck, but it won't open all the way.  So there we are, trying to crack the frozen ground  and loosen some rocks so the gate opens.  AHA!  we got that, and got in, pulled a few weeds, took a load of loose boards to the trash.

By that time, the washers are done, and we go in to get the next loads, hike them over to the laundry room and load them into the washers, moving the washed stuff to dryers.  Darn!  We ran out of quarters, so I hiked back to the apt to get more, toss them into the machines and .. whoops! who has the soap?  Back to the apt to grab the soap, and finally get them started.  Heavens, but its been THAT kind of day.  Same with work.  I figured I'd feel like I was more on a countdown, but it was business as usual.  Which is a good thing . . . no time to think, no time to worry, just getting things taken care of like any other day.  The only minor exception to that was I forgot to check my schedule? I showed up 4 hours early for work.   Yep! its been THAT kind of day!  Hopefully, yours wasn't quite like that!
 . . . . . . HAPPY MONDAY!  Hugs

3 Days & Counting - Feb 12, 2008

Current mood:anxious

Each day passes, and I'm that much closer to loading truck and heading out west.  Today, I made all those phone calls that take up so much time... shutting off the utilities,  --- and making arrangements for the same at the new apt.  In addition, its required that I have renters insurance, so a phone call to my auto carrier, and adding that policy costs $100/year.  Ok, I can handle that.  But, by combining the two policies? I save $74 on my auto. hehehe go figure, for once I get a break!   Now, if only I can figure out what to do about internet services there..... *sigh*  It's all complicated, and crazy.  Right now, I'm paying a total of $35/month.  Can't find much to replace that. Yet. But I'll keep looking.  

It's getting to be a drag looking at all the piles and piles of boxes here .. nothing is where it belongs, and I keep worrying that I'll forget to do something, or misplace something that I'll need right away, and not be able to find it.   Then I keep telling myself that .. things work out for the best .. they will on these things too.   

My folks are driving down from Calif and will be there when I arrive.  I'm sure my daughter and granddaughter will be there, too.  I haven't seen everyone in a year.  So I'm looking forward to this "reunion" of sorts.  HUGGGS to everyone!

just a PS from 2019 .. .we used the dining room to stack all the boxes as they were packed.  Some had been packed and stacked for nearly a year!  As the date got closer, the less things we would need and more boxes were added.  Except for my son's room.  He *told* me he had been packing ... *sigh*

Saturdays can be fun!

Here it is, another Saturday, and I decided that today I'm going to do things different.  Or rather, I'm going to take some time to do something for myself.  I rarely do that any more, because I like being a home-body, but sometimes that's not enough!

This morning, I jumped in my car and dashed over to my fav park to try out the new camera; not happy with all the results, there are areas I need to work on!  But 40 minutes away from the house was nice.  When I uploaded the photos, I found that there's an issue with bright light that I need to compensate for.  Perhaps I just need a UV filter.

Then I changed clothes and decided that I would head for the mall (mostly because it's AC'd and today's weather was a warm 99+ )   I shopped for a couple new work shirts, and ended up with a navy tie dye tshirt and another tshirt with a dragonfly embroidered on it! 

Then I shopped for a new purse, mine was getting a little ratty on the handle.  But deciding on which one?  Wow, that took a long time! 

• First there is all the lovely colors: beige, tan, navy, black, red, purple (and every other shade in between!)  
• Then there's the fabrics - leather, vinyl or actual fabric 
• What about the size:  too big, too small, not enough pockets, way too many pockets
• Lastly, the most important part for me is the handle.  Can't be too short, because I dislike carrying a purse in my hands.  I want a shoulder bag.  

Narrowed it down to a lovely light denim printed one, but had to discard that choice because my wallet didn't fit in the purse.  lol   Then I found a navy quilted one, but it was too large, too many pockets.  A lovely lavender one that would fit cross-body, but my Kindle didn't fit.  I ended up with a medium size bag with two pockets, one fits the Kindle, the other my wallet and glasses.  With a couple of fringed tassels on the zipper pulls, I decided on the black one.  Mission Accomplished!

Friday Night Humor

I have been posting some old blogs that I found on my computer, and realized that I lost a portion of *me* somewhere along the line -- letting my job be my main focus has really put me off my game, and it's time to get it back. 

Friday night, I took Sadie outside for her last little trip before bed.  As I stood there waiting as she dashes around the yard and makes certain that things are in their rightful place, then barks once or twice more as if she's saying goodnight to the neighboring dogs, I watched this large sewer roach scuttling it's way across the patio toward the house.  I grabbed the broom, intending to knock it off it's feet, then reached for my ever-handy sprayer for bugs and flipped the switch on.  I started to spray, following that critter as he spun left and right to get away from the spray.

As the path of my spray caught other corners of the yard, I watched in horror as not one or two but FOUR more started scuttling away from the bug spray as well!  I don't like those things at all, and having five of them scattering across my patio in all different directions while I was stranded out there wearing socks but no shoes ... YUCK!!  hehehe

Now that the episode is behind me, I can chuckle at myself ......
but they creep me out and in order for me to be able to sleep after seeing them, I had to clean my kitchen (again!) before I could get into bed.  lol

Perfectionism, Love Letters and Mary Poppins (2008)

Perfectionism - Feb 6, 2008

Who doesn't strive to be perfect?  OK, maybe I'm a part of a smaller crowd than I think.  I always try for perfectionism in what I do; I want everything to be perfect, and it seems there are times and circumstances when its ok NOT to have things be perfect.  Maybe the word I'm searching for is "exact".  Our store had inventory yesterday, and one would assume that having every item in the store counted (by a professional team), the counts would be exact.  They weren't, and as a group, we spent the day trying to find and correct problems within the system.   That's what got me thinking about Perfectionism. 

There are plenty of aliases for it:  Getting it right ... Fixing it ... Revising ... Quality Control ... Anal-retentive ... Obsessive-compulsive ... Having high standards.   But no matter how you word it, it comes down to the same thing.   But what I found interesting when I looked up the word perfectionism:  "a disposition to feel that anything less than perfect is unacceptable".    And yet in real life, hardly anything is totally perfect.  To set ourselves up to believe that "less than perfect is unacceptable"  holds us back.  If its "not perfect", do we continue to keep trying to make it perfect?   That just leads us in the same circle, because it will never be exactly perfect.  And that leads to thoughts that nothing we do "will ever be good enough". 

Perfectionism can be an addiction (and yes, I can think of worse things for me to be addicted to!!!), but when it comes to life .... this can, and does, hold me back from even greater things.  Somehow, I need to find the place where I can accept a few shortcomings, and not try to be "so perfect".   And isn't it the little idiosyncrasies that separate us from others; that give us some endearing (if not downright quirky) qualities that others like in us?   Our faults, weaknesses and unlucky breaks work to our advantage ... by making us more resilient, more inventive, and ultimately more efficient. 

So today, don't try to be perfect - just be yourself.  Accept your flaws.   Do something that makes you shudder as much as it makes you smile.  Abandon your To-Do list.  Realize that knowing your weaknesses is your biggest strength.
And remember: if something's perfect..... it can never get better.
4:07 PM

Love Letters - Feb 7, 2008

Current mood:loved

There is power in the written word.  The spoken word is said, and only those who hear it, take it with them.   One can go back and read, and re-read, old letters.  They never go out of style!  I tend to write  more than is written back to me.  I've poured my heart out about life events, silly things, and of course, love letters.   Letters outlast whatever happened to inspire them in the first place.  It can be interesting to go back and read some of the letters I've written.   Words are potent, passionate, persuasive; sometimes they reveal tidbits about ourselves that we didn't notice or realize as we were writing, but can often times see when the clouds of emotion have left us.    Most of them are written in solitude, when we're feeling vulnerable, perhaps.  They could be sensuous details about the place you're in, or fond memories;  silly endearments or confessions.  We all have a need to tell our stories.  Even if its only to ourselves.   When I was a little girl, I called mine a diary.   Then they called it a journal.   Lately, its blogging.  But no matter where you write it, you shouldn't be self-conscious --- you should be conscious of self! 

On a whirlwind trip up the eastern seaboard, Washington DC to Maine, I had the most fun sending myself postcards from every stop made.  I would write on the back what I'd done, seen, heard,  and mail it home.  When I arrived home, there were all these fabulous pictures, with notes on the back to help me remember.... came in handy when creating my scrapbook too!!

Oscar Wilde once wrote to his wife, Constance:  "The messages of the gods travel not by pen and ink and indeed your bodily presence here would not make you more real: for I feel your fingers in my hair, and your cheek brushing mine."   Who wouldn't want to get a love letter such as that?

And if there's no one writing you, you can write something today.... to yourself!!! It will give you something to smile about !!  Just think, write something about yourself that perhaps no one knows.  Mail it... and after its received, open it a week later.  What smiles and giggles it may produce!  If you end up writing several, tie them together with a ribbon... perhaps future generations will appreciate the real you, too !  

And don't forget to sign them.....

with love,  hugs, and kisses!

7:00 PM

Mary Poppins! - Feb 8, 2008

Current mood:amused

After a hectic week of inventory, it was a more relaxing day - just had to do a few price changes, and I was able to head home. YAY! I was working close to electronics for quite a while, and they had a DVD playing ... it was Mary Poppins! As I was working, the tunes brought me back to a different place and time........

     I was about 7 years old, and after recently seeing

     the movie at the drive-in theater, my parents bought

     me the soundtrack LP. I played this album over and

     over again, on a pink turntable. My room had hardwood

     floors, and I had a dressing table and night stand that

     Mom had decorated with pink gingham fabric skirts

     around them. (Isn't it amazing what details we

     remember when something triggers our memory?)

And now, 40+ years later, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was fascinated with the song "Spoonful of Sugar". That's when Mary Poppins teaches the kids to snap their fingers and their toys march themselves into the toy box. As the song played from the DVD, I thought about the words, and wondered if that had become part of who I am now. The verse I'm thinking of goes:

In every job that must be done

There is an element of fun

You find the fun and snap!

The job's a game

And every task you undertake

Becomes a piece of cake

A lark! A spree! It's very clear to see that…

A Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down

Between the adage "work before play" and this verse, it mostly sums up how I think about the necessary things in life.  Work has never bothered me, I enjoy it quite a bit.   No matter the task at hand, if you look hard enough, you can find the fun side in it. In fact, you can find that same kind of fun in many other situations in life, as well. It's all in how you look at things. So the next time some task has you feeling down, overwhelmed, or just plain bored, take a closer look, and find something fun in it! -- it will go faster that way!!

HUGS to everyone!!!